[Rylee45]

I Just wanted to let you know that I finally got the contracts for C.O.P.E.S so I can get paid to take care of my mom. I just hope like it works out.

I don't know how this goes with them. So MANY rules and regulations. I don't particularlly like the idea that my mom is my EMPLOYER though. That kind of makes me NOT want to do this because I hate being told what to do by anyone especially my mom and they say I have to do EVERYTHING my mom tells me to do because she's my employer.

The reason that bothers me so much is she can use that to stop me from doing things that are good for her and making her get up when she doesn't want to and all that kind of stuff. I'm not happy about the idea of that.

Then there's the idea that I have to take almost $300.00 from her as "her part" in paying me for "my services" through C.O.P.E.S. I just don't get it. If you are working for a person you don't know and actually employed by them, that's different.

When you're taking care of a family member to keep them out of a nursing home, you shouldn't have to take money from your family like that. It's wrong in my opinion. Part of the reason you're keeping them home besides loving them enough to do that when you are able, is so they aren't having to pay to be taken care of.

I figured the fund from C.O.P.E.S. was a fund to help the family who can't work due to taking care of their loved ones have money to take care of their finances. Not to take money from their loved ones. I just don't get it.

I asked the case manager about that and she told me if I didn't take the money it would put my mom into a different financial bracket and would effect her medicaid benefits she has suplimenting medicare and also might effect the C.O.P.E.S eligibility. That sucks.

I don't know what is going to happen and if I will continue to do this. Part of it is that they say I get $10.03 an hour and are allowing me 164 hours a month to get paid but are deducting the part my mom is responsible for before I get paid and I'm supposed to get it from her for the "remainder" of my pay. I feel GUILTY for even thinking about that. So, if I don't take it and say I do, I'm not going to have the $10.03 an hour that I am supposed to get. But I don't want to take my mom's money.

I just don't know what to think right now about this. I do need money but $1,300.00 or so a month is pretty good in my opinion. That's what I would get other than the money my mom is supposed to give me for "her part".

Rylee

[heart_string]

I don't have any advice Rylee, just wanted you to know I read your post & am hoping there is some way to resolve this that makes you feel more comfortable.

[bromanchik]

You are not "taking your mom's money." She is paying you for your time and care/ If you were not there she would be paying someone else. You need to get paid for all the work you do. It is valuable and your mom needs to recognize this as well.

[Dickons]

Rylee,

Consider the $300 room and board...I know my mom would insist that she contribute, most moms would not want to be a drain.

If that still does not sit right to you...take the money and once a year send it to your (or your moms) favorite charity, you should get a tax break to counteract the taxes you probably will have to pay on it and perhaps will will then be a wash?

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Dickons]

Rylee,

As to having to do what she says - ask if you have to if it is counter productive to what her doctor says she needs to do...

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Rylee45]

I really don't know how this is all going to work out. I just hope it does.

As far as whether I could get into trouble if I did anything my mom didn't want me to do even if it was good for her or orders from the doctor, no, I could get into trouble.

If she doesn't want to take medications and I give them to her anyway, it would be considered assult (or battery I'm not sure which). If I forse her to get out of bed when she doesn't want to be out of bed the same kind of thing. I could be considered as abusing her becuase she wants to stay in bed.

This is a nightmere with all the rules and regulations. If I were just taking care of her without being paid that's a total different story.

Of course I can't hit her, scream at her, or anything like that (and I wouldn't) but if I got her out fo bed when she didn't want to be then that's different, it's not abuse it's doing what needs to be done. I'm just doing what I was told and doing my best to take care of her.

Same with medications. If I sneak a medication in her food or drink that she doesn't know about that the doctor told me to give her but she didn't want to take I wouldn't be in any kind of trouble as long as I'm not getting paid. I dont understand the difference between getting paid to do the job or doing it without pay as far as what she needs done by doctor's orders or is in her best interest.

I just don't get it.

Rylee