[Rylee45]

I am just having a really bad day today. I don't like these days at all.

Not having contact with my daughter again is bothering me even though it's MY decision to have things this way. I decided I needed to back away for a little while. I wrote her an email and told her that I needed some space and time to think about some things she said in a chat we had recently. I don't want to go into it but lets just say it was really BAD in my opinion and thinking about what she said has made me think I NEED a break from everything and it has to be on my terms not hers this time.

She hasn't bothered to respond. It's as if she couldn't care less that she accused me of something so wrong that I wouldn't want to have a relationship with her. Maybe that was her goal. I just don't know. But maybe that's part of why this is bothering me even though it was my decision to back off. I just didn't want to stop talking to her and leave her wondering why I wouldn't answer her emails (if she wrote them) or IM's if she tried to send one.

I told her in the email I sent I'd be here if she really needed me and I wasn't abandoning her but I needed some time to think some things over and decide about whether I really want to continue this relationship with her after what she accused me of.

I don't want to give up on her but I just can't handle what she said to me and accused me of AGAIN. I have SO much going on in taking care of my mom and finding that my own health is really suffering because 90% of my time is taking care of my mom. I don't get my showers until almost noon. I don't get to eat until lunch time and just a lot of other things. I guess it's getting to me physically and emotionally and then hearing what my daughter told me recently just put it over the top.

I guess my birthday being tomorrow and being in a different age bracket (when AARP starts sending things directly to you because you're now old enough to be elegible for it) isn't helping either. I cried so hard when I saw the AARP invite come in the mail the other day. I feel so old and so worn out and so useless. My life hasn't shown anything anyone will ever remember me in a "good" way for. I've been such a wreck for one reason or another for so long, I just don't think anyone will ever have kind memory of me when I'm dead.

I just wish I didn't have these depressing days feeling like this. I know it will pass. I will eat CHOCOLATE lots and LOTS of CHOCOLATE today. lol THAT will make me feel better

Anyway... I just needed to spout off right now. Hope no one minds.

Rylee

[lovemy2boys]

(((Hugs))) to you, Rylee,

I don't really have any words of wisdom...Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

And one last thing...As for you thinking no one will remember you in a "good" way, well, one of my favorite sayings is:

"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace."

You may not FEEL like you're seen in a positive light, but I guarantee that your perception of yourself is MUCH different than others' perceptions of you.

Happy Birthday to you!

[bajj]

Oh Rylee, I am so sorry things are so hard right now.

I imagine love is right and you make a bigger difference than you realize.

Hang in there.

[devildogwife]

Rylee I am really sorry that you're having such a tough time.

Happy early birthday.

[Rylee45]

Thank you for the birthday wishes. Also for the kind words.

I hope the days ahead get better with everything I'm dealing with.

It's kind of weird but in my moments here and there when my mom is sleeping or not needing me for anything I come here to read posts and post when I have time. I'm glad I have somewhere to go when I do have some time.

Rylee

[RavenSong]

Rylee, I am so sorry you're struggling with your daughter. I know it's painful...

Happy birthday, Rylee. I've been a full-fledged member of the AARP for four years now, so I guess I'm a few years older than you. It's not so bad being in your 50's...except for the arthritis. Take the AARP up on its offer for membership. The dues are only $12.50 per year, and you'll get a whole bunch of great discounts at lots of places.

[zxczxcasdasd]

Rylee,
I'm so continually sorry for what you found along with your daughter. No one deserves to be treated this way.

I'm positive that there are many happy memories of you among people that you have known. I love this Dickens quote from Great Expectations. It was written regarding Joe- the faithful man who quietly went about doing his duty and being kind to others without ever being acknowledged as a great man, and in some cases being used or abused because of his sweet gentle nature:

It is not possible to know how far into the world is flung the influence of any amiable honest-hearted, duty-doing man (insert woman for you), but it is very possible to know how it has touched one's self in going by...

I bet there are many lives you've touched in going by. You will be remembered, and you have many memories yet to make!

Gah, now I'm in a quoting mood. Here's another one I remind myself of sometimes though I'll just paraphrase. It's from a humorous Agatha Christie when a middle-aged mother is all tied up in knots that her adult son is ruining his life with his choices and she's just miserable. Mr. Pyne tells her to remember she IS "insert name". She is not just her son's mother. She is a person, who is gloriously in that stage of life where the binds and obligations of the younger decades are over and one can really enjoy life as a PERSON, not as a "role." I know you are still your mother's caretaker right now, and it is very hard work. But you are not just mother or daughter, and no matter what AARP sends in the mail, you've got a lot of life left in you!!!

[kakuehl]

Rylee, think of all you are doing right now. Being a caretaker for a parent (or spouse or child, for that matter), is exhausting. You don't need the added drama your bdaughter is providing right now! (They call us the sandwich generation, btw.) Remember that you do need to take care of yourself too. Plan something special for your birthday (a day at a spa, an hour at the hairdressers: something for you).

There is life after 50, btw.

[quantum]

((((Rylee)))))

sending lots of love your way toots!

[bromanchik]

OK

This is the best chocolate cake in the world and easy to make.

Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Fudge. Add I small carton of mocha yogurt to the recipe. You will need to bake it longer. Just keep an eye on it.. 30- 35 min.

The Frosting is so simple and amazing you will be in chocolate heaven. Melt one bag Special Dark Hershey's chocolate chips with one stick of butter. (Micro wave about 1 min.) Add 1/4 cup Irish Creme half and half (or just the Irish Creme. Pour over cake. It is gooey and melty and fabulous.

It always cheers me up.

PS. Write Happy Birthday on top.

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by RavenSong

Rylee, I am so sorry you're struggling with your daughter. I know it's painful...

Happy birthday, Rylee. I've been a full-fledged member of the AARP for four years now, so I guess I'm a few years older than you. It's not so bad being in your 50's...except for the arthritis. Take the AARP up on its offer for membership. The dues are only $12.50 per year, and you'll get a whole bunch of great discounts at lots of places.

Ok, not to take this off topic, BUT.... my dad will be 64 this year and he has been proud of his AARP card for ages.... he and his cannon buddies price shop the cheapest hotels with their AARP discount for when they go to cannon shoots. Aye yi yi... and I signed up to go to one this year.... you may all need to pray for me, hehe.

[Rylee45]

Thanks everyone.

By the way just so you know, it's not AARP that depresses me, it's being OLD enough to actually have the right to apply for it that depresses me. AARP is ok.

My husband is taking me out to lunch here pretty soon. Someone from my church is coming in to take care of my mom for a few hours so I can get out today. I'm glad.

Rylee

[quantum]

Ok, I'm going to try to explain how really, you are getting younger...

Ok, my mom was 25 when I was born. So, when she turned 50, I turned 25, she was 2x my age. Now I am 42 and she is 67 and... get this...she is LESSthan twice my age.

So as you get older, you actually get younger.
:-)

Unfair recipe Brenda!I can't get Duncan Hines cake mixes OR chocolate chips here! :-P

[dpen6]

Originally Posted by quantum

Ok, I'm going to try to explain how really, you are getting younger...

Ok, my mom was 25 when I was born. So, when she turned 50, I turned 25, she was 2x my age. Now I am 42 and she is 67 and... get this...she is LESSthan twice my age.

So as you get older, you actually get younger.
:-)

Unfair recipe Brenda!I can't get Duncan Hines cake mixes OR chocolate chips here! :-P

I'm liking that line of thinking!!!!

Rylee, I was TOTALLY insulted when AARP trie d to get me to sign up...I was WAY too young.

[sstuart]

(((Rylee)))
I love the idea of getting older, it sure beats the alternative!!

Q--Can we send you some cake mix?? And NO Chocolate chips???? WTH??? You need to move back.