[bluebell63]

The son I gave up for adoption turns seven this weekend. Christmas is just something I try and get through as a result, not just because of giving him up but because it brings back so many bad memories; those of you who read my last post will remember that I did not realise I was even pregnant until the delivery, which was traumatic to say the least.

I received a letter and some photos every December until he turned four, and then I told my social worker I didn't want them any more; I know people say they're supposed to be a means of comfort, but they just made me terribly sad. I normally spend Christmas in the States with my best friend, who is the only person who knows what happened; this year, because my dad died in June, I'm spending the holidays with my mom - meaning that I'll have to hold everything in and cry once I'm in bed. (mom is very judgemental, and this is one of the main reasons I decided on adoption)

If anyone has any ideas for coping mechanisms, I would be really grateful.

[bromanchik]

Writing out your feelings may be very helpful. Taking walks, getting some space. I know how hard those holidays can be. All my birth/first mom pals are in my thoughts this season.

[thanksgivingmom]

My daughter was born on Thanksgiving two years ago...I know how hard it is to have a child born on or in the midst of the holidays. It seems to me like everyone else is celebrating and I'm mourning on the inside.

I cope by coming here for support, blogging, and talking to those I trust. I have to make myself remember that I have to take care of myself, not be too hard on me, and allow myself to grieve.

I too haven't told my Mom, and it's hard for me to spend the holidays with her. We're here for you.

[bluebell63]

Thank you so much for this reply, Thanksgiving...it is so good to hear from someone else who has a hard time around the holidays. I always wanted to tell my dad about my son, but he was battling cancer and there was never a time that seemed to be right when he and I were alone. I'll keep you in my thoughts, and thank you again for taking the time to send your message.

[quantum]

(((bluebell))))
It helps me a bit to accept I'm going to be sad. Does that make sense? It doesn't make me any happier, but understanding that it's ok, just helps.
Hang in there! Don't be afraid to talk about it with us. Sometimes it helps to just put it down and know that people who have been there, people who are there know.

[bluebell63]

It does make sense, because my friend in the States accepts that I'm going to be like that...she'll just sit in the guest bedroom with me and let me cry, she'll keep her friends who have small children away from me if I'm really feeling fragile on a particular day - bless her heart, I am so lucky I have her in my life, even if we are on opposite sides of the Pond. And knowing that you guys understand where I'm coming from helps too - a LOT.

[AlisonMarie]

My heart goes out to you. Christmas is hard for me because my son was born in january, and I remember being pregnant with him. I was so sore then, my hips, my back, and I remember laying on the couch, with a blanket over me, feeling him move around in those last few weeks of being pregnant with him. And then shortly after that, I said goodbye. It's always emotional for me. And I have to hide my feelings too, as my mom doesn't like my to talk about it, my dad either, and my sister doesn't know. I never got any letters or pictures, as promised, and that's tough.

I usually do something for myself. I take a long shower or bath, relax. Drink some wine, and sit on my bed, in the dark, listening to music. That has helped me a lot, it's what I do when I'm having a really hard time.