[AlisonMarie]

I am sort of obsessed with one of the kids where I work.

I found out he was adopted a year ago, and of course, became super curious. His birth mom was 15 like I was when I gave my son up, he has green eyes like me and freckles, he was born around the same time as my birthson, even the same age, and I find myself thinking, oh, he must be my birth son. Of course, I know it's highly unlikely. He doesn't REALLY look like me or the birth father. I think it's just a coincidence, but I am almost annoyed by my obsession. I look for his mom when she brings him to school, I try to get information out of her, I watch him, wondering if I'll see something that awakens a memory or something. And I know, if I found out he wasn't my birth son, I'd be really upset and emotional about it. At this point, I've almost got my hopes up that it could be him......I know he was adopted by someone who didn't live far from me.

I wish I could find something, to give me some clues as to where my birthson could be. My parents handled the adoption through a private lawyer, and I have snooped into my parents things so many times trying to find anything I can on the adoption, but no luck so far. I am not even sure I WANT to know right now. But this obsession I have is making me want to find more answers, so I can stop thinking every child I meet born around the time my birth son was, could be my birth son!

Has anyone else, who doesn't know where their birth child is, started thinking a child you met could be your child? I feel so weird and crazy about this.....

[quantum]

I moved around so much so it wasn't really an issue. I must confess that I did wonder a lot! and through the years I looked at kids around his age and wondered what he was doing, if he was like that, what he looked like and so on.
I can totally see how you've fallen into this.

That said, I'm not sure it's so good for you, or the child in question. I don't have any advice for you though!
Just some understanding...

[Janeytwo]

Dear AlisonMarie,

Over the years - every once in a while - I'll cross paths with a younger person who looks somewhat like me or the birthfather of my children.

And at those moments, I can't help but wonder, can't help but say too myself "Is it you?"

I liken that experience to my mom's when she lost her 2nd husband. After he died, she'd tell me that she'd be in a mall or at a movie or something and she'd spot a man and think "My God it's him! He's alive!" and she'd find herself following that man even though she knew better.

Adoption is a sort of living death, IMO. A life-long grief and the mind plays terrible tricks on grieving people.

Hope that doesn't sound negative or judgemental or anything. Just letting you know that I respect where you're at with this and I understand how that happens.

You know I'm beginning to think that even if we find our children - even if we reunite with them - some pain never fades. It remains there in the heart - in a deep corner hidden from view.

Much peace your way today!