[Rylee45]

I don't know why but I'm just feeling kind of bla and down right now. I feel like just crying and I don't have any GOOD reason to do that.

I've got a new job and am happy with it. I'm getting along with my mom. Life is pretty good for the time being and because I have a job now we have money to pay the bills.

I just don't know why I feel like crying right now. The only reason I might have is my daughter and what's going on but I"m trying really hard NOT to let that get to me.

The weather in our area has been out of control with floods and such but we haven't been touched by those except to see within about 10 miles of our house they are evacuating people all over the place.

I just wish when days like this happened I could get past them faster. I have been feeling this way all day today.

I don't sleep well when I'm feeling like this.

I'm kind of worried about my grandson who is almost 9. He came up to me the other day and said, "Grandma, I want to tell you three things that I don't like. Dead batteries in my toys. Dead moms. And dead kittens." Just out of the blue he says that kind of thing. I don't know why he's obsessed with death right now.

We don't talk about it around here except for people we know who have died. My daughter (his mom) isn't dead. She's alive and well. We don't have any kittens so he can't have dead ones. I just don't know why he's feeling this way either.

I sure hope there isn't anything in the house that's causing us to feel this kind of crappy. I just don't know what's going on. I sure hope I"m not rubbing off on him with my depression. I'd sure hate to cause him to feel bad because I'm feeling bad.

I try really hard to give him hugs every chance I get and tell him how much I love him. I try never to say a cross word in front of him. That's really important to me that he not hear anything bad out of my mouth. I know he hears some stuff from his mom once in a while but it can't be helped sometimes I know. However, I do know that attitudes and emotions can be seen even if you're trying not to show them. I just hope I"m not the one causing his "issues".

Rylee

[quantum]

First of all Rylee (((((Rylee)))))

Ok, sometimes I think when other things are going pretty well in our lives, that's when the depression hits. It's like when there are major traumas going on- like no job or major illness-we don't have time or don't allow ourselves to deal with other things that might normally get us down- there's no time or space for that. At least that's something I've found to be true for myself, does that make sense?

As far as your grandson goes- my kids aren't that old yet, but I think that's just part of the normal phases they go through. Right now my youngest is in the poo and pee phase. Those are her FAVORITE words (in Swedish though). She says them loudly and clearly ALL THE TIME, she just talks about it constantly. Calls people names involving those words and then laughs hysterically. I know it's a phase because my older daughter just grew out of it! LOL. I can't win. It's not so bad.

So that's my theory on the death thing. It's also possible that its something that they've talked about at school, maybe he's just finally realising what dead means, kwIm?

Here's my advice as far as yourself goes... remember it is OK to feel down sometimes.When I have those days (and I do, and I HATE them) I just try to say 'hey, you're having one of those days/time periods/weeks/whatever, this too WILL pass.' I try to accept it on some level, and that helps.

Does this make sense? It's just what I do I guess.
Hang in there though, I hope your spirits lift again soon.

[quantum]

By the way- phooey to having a 'good' reason. We've been through enough to justify a heck of a lot of tears. There's no reason why we have to pinpoint just why we feel down every single time! It's ok!

oh and one more time
((((Rylee))))

[JustPeachy]

(((Rylee))))

As someone who struggles with feelings of depression/anxiety, I can totally relate. Sometimes I think it's hard to pinpoint exactly what is causing this, and quantum is right about not needing to have a reason. But in my case, I know this time of year is very hard for me with the shorter days and less sunlight. I also had three major losses in Nov., Dec., and Jan. Even after many years, these losses are felt more strongly at this time. On top of that, there is the dreaded perimenopause to deal with. My hormones are all over the place.

Sometimes rather than fighting it, I think we just need to feel it, but also try to put some focus on the good things and also not be so hard on ourselves. We're only human.

[Rylee45]

I suppose you're right. I just hate feeling down and out of control of my life. You know?

But today didn't help much. I found out today that my mom has a tumor in her spine in her neck area. She has to have surgery to remove a vertibra then fuse it back together after they remove the tumor.

I'm so scared for her right now. I don't know how it's going to go and I'm just in shock about this. They did say if the surgery goes like it's supposed to she'll have her legs back and all the things the tumor is shutting down right now back.

They said if she doesn't have it removed she will eventually be paralized from the waist down and possibly from the neck down. I just pray this goes ok.

We go to the surgeon Monday and then get the surgery day set up. They say they want to get it done immediately so it will probably be this coming week. I'm SO scared I can't even breathe thinking about it.

Rylee

[MamaS]

Rylee: Maybe you are experiencing SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). It is a real condition. It occurs when the days are shorter and/or there is less sunlight. Holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays) make it worse. I know recommended treatment involves exercise and sunlight but I don't know what else.
My grandson's mother is living with us right now also. I do not totally approve of all her choices, but I try not to speak negatively about her in front of him.
He is almost six, and is getting "cartrightis" in his knee, just like I have! They do tend to copy us, don't they?

[JustPeachy]

Rylee, I hope everything turns out alright for your mom. My mom has numerous health issues too, and I understand the worry.

[geogdeb]

Rylee,

Just thinking of you. I haven't talked to you in awhile. I have been sick and busy (which sucks because then I don't take the time I need to get better). Anyway, I will try and email you later. Hope you are feeling better. How is your mom?


Love,

Deb