[jdeluco]

I have a picture. I know her real name, which I've wondered every day for nearly 19 years. Part of me is relieved to know she's alive, and elated to know these things after all this time. But part of me is also just sad and confused. Knowing her name is literally a wish come true, and yet I'm having trouble processing that, and overwriting the name in my head, which is the one I gave her, the one she had for the 6 weeks she was with me. In a way I feel like I'm losing her all over again, even though I've gained so much. I know the name I'm losing isn't really her, but it's all I've had for so long, and it's hard.

[quantum]

Welcome to the forums!

I reunited with my son 1 1/2 years ago. I totally get what you are sayiing. It gave me peace to know where he is, to know his name, to know he's ok, to be able to talk to him, but I also finally have started to grieve.

They don't call this a roller coaster for nothing!
Please use us for support.
((((jdeluco))))

[jdeluco]

Thanks. It's nice to hear that other people have gone through this too, and that my mixed emotions aren't just crazy.

[AlisonMarie]

I know finding out my son's name will be emotional for me too. And I could completely get the mixed emotions. I know I will probably have mixed emotions when I finally find my son too. I have built myself up to finding him all these years, and I'm trying to understand that the reality might not be the same.

[JustPeachy]

I felt the same way after getting identifying information. I went from elated, excited, thrilled, and being in a state of total disbelief that I actually had this information, to anxious, sad, upset, scared, and TERRIFIED, all in less than 24 hours! You need time to process the different emotions, some of which are completely at odds with each other (i.e. being happy and sad at the same time). Things will settle down, but you need to process this. It is overwhelming. Are you receiving any sort of counseling? That is a big help, in addition to reading all you can about adoption and reunion issues.

[humbird753]

Hi - I can fully understand what you're going through. I posted my "in search of" info on another web site. In just one day I was contacted by someone offering to help me with search. I gave her all info and she emailed me in just 24 hours asking if I would be willing to call her. Needless to say, when I called her she gave me my daughter's adoptive name and her location. I didn't believe it could be true but got on the internet the next day and SHOCKINGLY found pictures of her also. It has taken me a month to sort through emotions of fear, shock, sad - a lot of crying was involved. I am much calmer now. I have gotten used to "her" name and also her face. Now I just look at it proudly. Don't get me wrong, there are still emotions that go back and forth, but they are not as strong as they were in the beginning.
I am trying to locate a "birth mom" support group in my area. Or possibly therapy so I can get things sorted through.
Congratulations on the picture. I know I feel blessed to know my daughter is well and, of course, I think she's beautiful.
Hum

[boomergirl70]

I would so love to hear how you guys found your birth child. I adopted my son out when he was born in 1987 and it has been so hard ever since. I really really want to find him but have no clue what the best search way is. I put my name on a list that he can put his on too and if it makes a match it works but obviously he hasn't. Any help from you would be great.
Thank you very much

[kakuehl]

Have you registered here at adoption.com? I found my bson as soon as I registered because he had registered too. "Search angels" who know how to find people are great too. Many of them are volunteers.

Welcome to the forums!

[quantum]

boomergirl70, I found the web page for the social services agency that my son was adopted through.
I then found the social worker who dealt with searches and so on! I had to pay for them to search, but I figured at least they KNEW his name and so on, other than that, I don't know what route I would have gone.

[JustPeachy]

boomergirl, I didn't have to search, as I had a semi-open situation and I received identifying info in the course of regular correspondence through my agency intermediary.

Did you place your child through an agency? You may want to contact them and see if they can do a search for you.

[boomergirl70]

Thanks for the advice. I went through a lawyer and it was closed so I don't think he can help. I didn't know if there were certain seach places that help more than others. I get scared of the ones that are all online, I would like a little more personal help.