[jp4ga]

My sister is in a position very much like you. Only it is her bdad that refuses to meet her, or talk with her. My mom dated him for several months, as soon as she turned up pregnant he ran for the hills. Two years later my mom met and married my dad. He adopted my sister and raised her as his own. When my sister was 14 she found out she was adopted by my dad. She pushed my mom for years for information on her bdad. My sister is now 40 years old. When she was 35 my mom finally told her who her dad was. My sister searched for him and found him, but he flat out refuses to acknowledge her. I know my mom notified him of her birth and adoption by my dad. My sister wants nothing but medical information. Who knows why people won't face their past.

That being said, I am sure that deep down your bmom loves you, she just may not know how to face her past or how to merge her past with her present. I do not know how adoptees go through this, be strong and know you are not alone.

[lisa138]

Thank You For That,i Am 39 And Will Be 40 In Dec.i Have Been Looking For My Bparents Since I Had My Son In 1988(20 Yrs) So They Live In The Same State,i Think. As Of 11/24/08 A Search Angel Named (sandy )on Here Contacted Me And Gave Me An Address So I Wrote A Letter And,it Has Been 6 Days And No Contact From Them.
I Don't Want To Hurt Them And I Was Taking By The Dhs Cuz They Drank Alot And My Bmom Worked In A Bar (all The Time) Their Rights Were Taken.
I Guess What I'm Trying To Say Is...would You Want Your Daughter To Find You If That Happened That Way? My Amom Told Me Not To Ever Hate My Bmom Cuz I Did'nt Know Her Problems Even Though They Lost Me.
I Want To Meet Them So Bad...when I Lost My Amom In 2005 To Lung Cancer I Gave Up The Search But She Told Me Before She Passed To Keep It Up And Patch My Hole I Had.
You Women Are God Sent When I Set Here And Read This,it Really Makes Me Realize How Lucky I Am.
Thank You All,
Lisa

[AlisonMarie]

Here's a different perspective, because I am in no way religious or prolife, and I chose to put my child up for adoption. My reason was that I was too far along to have an abortion, otherwise I am 100% sure I would have had one, as my mom had no problem forcing me into one years later.

With that said, regardless, it's still sad that she wants nothing to do with you. As a bmom, once my son was born, I loved him to death, and I wait for the day where I can find him and contact him. Maybe she just wants to forget making that choice. My mom is a bmom herself, and has told me if her bchild ever contacted her, she'd tell them to go away. She wants to pretend that child doesn't exist, but by the time her boyfriend left her, she was too far along to abort. Maybe it's something like that. Doesn't make it okay, but it's less about you, more about her feelings towards the situation.

[lisa138]

Originally Posted by AlisonMarie

Here's a different perspective, because I am in no way religious or prolife, and I chose to put my child up for adoption. My reason was that I was too far along to have an abortion, otherwise I am 100% sure I would have had one, as my mom had no problem forcing me into one years later.

With that said, regardless, it's still sad that she wants nothing to do with you. As a bmom, once my son was born, I loved him to death, and I wait for the day where I can find him and contact him. Maybe she just wants to forget making that choice. My mom is a bmom herself, and has told me if her bchild ever contacted her, she'd tell them to go away. She wants to pretend that child doesn't exist, but by the time her boyfriend left her, she was too far along to abort. Maybe it's something like that. Doesn't make it okay, but it's less about you, more about her feelings towards the situation.

my amom & adad adopted my brother and me and it was in my 20's that she set me down and told me i had a half sister in kansas.she searched and found her and it was great,she had,a great life and her aparents were great,but down side....when in 2007 my amom got lung cancer the daughter of hers..only called for money she said that she was broke and if mom was going to leave her anything then just give it to her now..
i loved my amom and still highly respect her. but me and my half sis. had words that day and she has never called again.
was i wrong for defending my amom? birth moms and amoms help me.

[Searching4heart]

I completely understand where you are coming from, I have thought about my adoption and why my whole life and i keep coming to the same conclusion. I have no idea...... none. I allways wished that my bmom had given some more info like why honestly thats all i need to know (other than my medical familly history) just why you know the reasons around why i was given up anything more about my bdad other than he was tall and had a tan complection. As an adult adoptee with 2 special needs children of her own its just hard to wrap my head around it all. So there is someone out there that feels like they are in the same boat you are going in circles and not knowing anything. I will hand you an ore and we can help each other paddle

[lisa138]

Originally Posted by Searching4heart

I completely understand where you are coming from, I have thought about my adoption and why my whole life and i keep coming to the same conclusion. I have no idea...... none. I allways wished that my bmom had given some more info like why honestly thats all i need to know (other than my medical familly history) just why you know the reasons around why i was given up anything more about my bdad other than he was tall and had a tan complection. As an adult adoptee with 2 special needs children of her own its just hard to wrap my head around it all. So there is someone out there that feels like they are in the same boat you are going in circles and not knowing anything. I will hand you an ore and we can help each other paddle

My Bmom didn't want me..the dhs took me and she skipped court told the caseworker to take me away. So my bdad tried to keep me but he drank too,not a good life for me.well... My AMOM taught me not to hate my Bmom cuz she was a bar fly but you know what...what the hell did I do to deserve that.
anywho...my Amom was the best and she fought cancer for 4 yrs and I'm glad that I grew up under her,maybe my Bmom changed her life.......I also have a halfbrother that is 2 yrs older and mentally hanicaped and the dhs won't let me meet him, what the hell.

[ashleysalazar]

What is a flame?

It is a very difficult decision to follow through with abortion. I decided against it. I had my baby 5 days ago and I couldn't be happier that she is here. Even though i chose adoption at the time, I am still glad she is here living and breathing on this Earth. Your mother chose to give you life and a chance! I am so happy for that, since pregnancy has changed my views on abortion. I just turned 18 on the first of the month. I am still very young and have a lot to learn, but all I know is not having an abortion is a huge gift already in itself. I also think adoption can possibly be one of the best gifts to give a child, although, I do believe in open adoption vs closed, but that is my decision. Best of luck to you (: Have you ever tried finding/searching for her?



for more information on my adoption story:
the life of ashley salazar