[Rylee45]

GOING TO CORUPT US! WATCH OUT FOR THOSE DEVIENT UNWED PREGNANT GIRLS!!! lol

Oh my gosh I am just laughing my butt off right now after reading more of the book "The Girl's Who Went Away".

I'm going to quote a couple things in here They're out of the middle of paragraphs or somewhere in the text but these are some of what is making me laugh:

"In the early 1900's, most social workers argued that women who became pregnant out of wedlock were "feebleminded"; their pregancy was proof of their feeblemindedness. They made them seem especially dangerous to society because it was believed that these women were not only likely to be repeat offenders (repeat offenders? lol I'm dying here), but that they would produce offspring of low intelligence."

"Classifying all unwed mothers as feebleminded, however, proved impossible. Social workers themselves had to acknowledge that many of the women who became pregnant were "normally intelligent and relatively well balanced young women." So a new category was identified, that of the "delinquent." This type of woman had a parallel in the male population. But where delinquency in the male was identified by criminal behavior, female delinquency was defined in sexual terms."

"With the dramatic rise in premarital pregnancies after the war (that's after WWII), and as greater numbers of middle-class women became pregnant, it became increasingly implausible to label all of those women as either feebleminded or sexual delinquents. Social workers noted that many of these new unmarried mothers were middle-class girls from good families. A Crittenton social worker wrote about these girls that the "sizeable numbers further confound us by rendering our former stereotypes less tenable. Immigration, low mentality, and hyper sexuality can no longer be comfortably applied when the phenomenon has invaded our own social class-when the unwed mother must be classified to include the nice girl next door, the physician's or pastor's daughter."

(just a note: I am the one who added the personal notes that I put in parenthesis. That's not part of the book quote. Just wanted you to know)

You know what really gets me is these woman who didn't get pregnant before marriage and waited to have sex (which is obviously a good thing to wait for if you are able) can't possibly say they didn't have "urges" you know? Just because they didn't act on them didn't mean they didn't have them. I don't think there is a person alive who is capable of those emotions and hormonal ragings that doesn't at least THINK about that stuff or even do "other" stuff they can't get "caught" doing to make sure they don't get with a boy before marrige.

It's like they are saying, "The minute some judge or minister tells you you're married they'll install the switch that makes you feel those sexual things. Before that if you already ILLEGALLY had the switch intalled then you're a deviant, a whore, a slut and no good. Oh and on a side note, when you go through the change the switch will automatically disingauge and your sex life will be gone. *wink*"

Anyway...

It just blows me away the way people's minds are when it comes to girls getting pregnant. We weren't whores or bad girls or sex freaks. Most of us were just girls who wanted to be loved and someone made us believe we were and they got what they wanted and left. Some had different situations yes but you know, none of us were BAD GIRLS. I don't care what they say. I don't care what ANYONE did. I don't care if they did make a habbit of sleeping around or even prostitute themselves for whatever reason they did and got pregnant. There are NO BAD GIRLS! Maybe some misguided but NOT bad!

At least that's MY opinion.

Rylee

[Sparky7]

I never did understand that ethier. You can get pregnant even with protection on both sides i did. Nothing is a sure thing. The person i was with i cared about alot so i wanted to express that love. You have to love the views of the people makes me laugh just thinking about it.

[quantum]

I remember sitting in the living room with my first mother-in-law watching some TV thing and her going on and on and ON about how good parents don't have kids that get into trouble and so on... and she kept saying 'you know good parents like US and YOUR PARENTS' and me thinking 'what, trouble like PREGNANT LIKE I DID?? or into drugs like MY BROTHER???'
I know my parents did the best they could, but things still happen.

But what do I know! I'm OBVIOUSLY feebleminded ;-)

[belleinblue1978]

Rylee,

If those of us that had an unplanned pregnancy before we were ready to paren are "bad", then the rest are just lucky. There are SOOOO many people that have sex before they are ready for babies, doesn't stop them, they just luck out. People don't seem to notice that do they?

Know what is sad? The doctors at my son's NICU assumed that because I was placing him for adoption I wasn't very bright and that he would be low IQ. They actually told his adoptive parents that. That was in 2004, SIGH. Too bad I am VERY smart, and graduated from a premier private college in the midwest before I had him. The doctors got set straight by the social workers.

Sad the things that are still alive and well huh?

[Tazer]

Well unlike the rest of us who got pregnant before marriage, our high school principal's daughter got married during the summer after completing the 11th grade to a minister's son. They were married 3 months before she delivered a premature son who just barely weighed 9 pounds! Boy were they lucky! Tracy

[Rylee45]

Wow those lucky kids having that "premature baby" (cough cough cough) sure were lucky that it was so big at such an EARLY birth. lol

And belleinblue the thing that you said about being accused of being stupid (or low IQ) is sad. I think that doctor had a LOW IQ!

What I don't understand is WHY in the world does a piece of paper saying you're married make a person who is going to have a baby have a smarter baby than a woman having a baby who isn't married? I just don't get the concept.

Does our genes have some kind of radar that says, "Ok there's a marriage licence I can smell it I don't have eyes but I know it's there so lets make a smart baby"?

The people who have the EXTREMELY LOW IQ are the people who believed that crap in the first place. It makes me sick thinking about that.

I know giving up my daughter was one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever had in my life. It effected me for the rest of my life in very negative ways.

I just hope someday I can say, "Ok, I gave my baby up and nothing I can do about it and nothing I can do about her adoptive mom's interference or the horrible things she's said and done and is still doing, so I'm NOT going to let them destroy me anymore. I will LIVE not just merely SURVIVE!"

However I have not gotten to that point in my life yet. I may never get there but I hope I do. I'm working on it really hard. I hate the pain and the sorrow and the anger I feel all the time. I'm tired of feeling this way.

Rylee

[Sparky7]

That's rich thinking that a birthmother has a low iq. My daugther a mom everytime she took her to a check up they gave her cold looks when they found out aria was adopted. I must have been a drug addict and her a mom couldnt possibily know the risk of a drug baby and didnt know how to parent. I love how they forget that my child was 5 1/2 weeks premature and premmie's that young are known for some problems. Considering all that could have happend she is a very lucky baby but dont take it from me i'm her birthmother that was on all kinds of drugs.

[MamaS]

Many of you are too young to remember "elopements". An announcement would appear in the local paper's society section saying something to the effect of: "Dr. and Mrs. Good Parent announce the marriage of their daughter Angel to Johnny Rotten, son of Mr. and Mrs. Also Rotten. Johnny and Angel were married this past summer at the home of Angel's uncle and aunt -- Mr. and Mrs. Out of State. The newlyweds will be residing with the bride's parents."
This announcement was followed in about three months by the premature arrival of a seven-pound baby. Those doing the math would count back to a wedding exactly 10 months prior to the birth. Another case of "everybody knows but nobody says" so the young couple and their baby are "accepted" back into the community.
It was only the girls who were "unlucky" and could not (or would not) get married who were "sent away" to live with out-of-state relatives for a year.

[RavenSong]

MamaS, that's too funny! A couple months ago, I was going thru some old paperwork and photographs and came across an "elopement" announcement for my parents. I came along four months later, lol...

About the low IQ assumption, that theory came from the beginning of the 1900's, at the time that social work was becoming a "profession". Only back then, the professionals called it "feeblemindedness"...

[Dickons]

And the sad thing is that 50ish years later we still have a society filled (and sometimes overflowing) with people who STILL THINK THAT!

So, apparently I too would be feebleminded if my mother was...perhaps I am too feebleminded to realize it...

Society has so much to learn but no eyes or ears willing to get it.

Kind regards,
Dickons

ps. If a birthmom was feebleminded when she had a child out of wedlock and then got married and had children was she "healed of her feeblemindedness"?

[stinky_kitty]

Originally Posted by Dickons

So, apparently I too would be feebleminded if my mother was...perhaps I am too feebleminded to realize it...


ps. If a birthmom was feebleminded when she had a child out of wedlock and then got married and had children was she "healed of her feeblemindedness"?

LOL That made me laugh. Maybe I'm too feebleminded to realize it as well. You know marriage, it's the cure for feeblemindedness!! HAHAHAHAHA

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by Dickons

And the sad thing is that 50ish years later we still have a society filled (and sometimes overflowing) with people who STILL THINK THAT!

So, apparently I too would be feebleminded if my mother was...perhaps I am too feebleminded to realize it...

Society has so much to learn but no eyes or ears willing to get it.

Kind regards,
Dickons

ps. If a birthmom was feebleminded when she had a child out of wedlock and then got married and had children was she "healed of her feeblemindedness"?

If any man did marry a girl who had given birth out of wedlock, he must be a saint! That would make the girl not "feebleminded" but a "delinquent" who had been "cured" by the love of a good man! (Sarcasm here)
You do realize don't you that both the "feebleminded" and the "delinquent" were eligible for sterilization and it was frequently done -- at least in the southern states -- right through until 1969? Thus the problem of any more pregnancies (in or out of wedlock) was "solved".

Personal note: When I was a first-year HS teacher in the late 1970's I was helping a 16-year-old girl plan her schedule. She was from a farming family and was already engaged to be married as soon as she graduated. I recommended a lot of home economics and child care courses to help her as a married woman. Her mother came in to sign off on the schedule and said --"Well, she won't need the child care. The doctor 'fixed' her when she was twelve. Having early babies runs in our family and I wanted her to graduate High School!" Unfortunately the mother had never explained to her daughter what the surgery had been for! When she understood what her mother was saying, that girl went to pieces -- broke off her engagement and dropped out of high school. I don't know what finally happened to her, but at least -- thanks to the wisdom of the state of Georgia -- she never became a mother! (More scarcasm and anger!)

[paigeturner]

Originally Posted by MamaS

Personal note: When I was a first-year HS teacher in the late 1970's I was helping a 16-year-old girl plan her schedule. She was from a farming family and was already engaged to be married as soon as she graduated. I recommended a lot of home economics and child care courses to help her as a married woman. Her mother came in to sign off on the schedule and said --"Well, she won't need the child care. The doctor 'fixed' her when she was twelve. Having early babies runs in our family and I wanted her to graduate High School!" Unfortunately the mother had never explained to her daughter what the surgery had been for! When she understood what her mother was saying, that girl went to pieces -- broke off her engagement and dropped out of high school. I don't know what finally happened to her, but at least -- thanks to the wisdom of the state of Georgia -- she never became a mother! (More scarcasm and anger!)

Mama S, This is so tragic...I have no words. That poor girl.

[BrockBaby]

That is beyond tragic!!!!! I guess it shows the lack of intelligence of the mother....and the doctor for allowing such a thing!!!!!!!! Horrific!!!!!!!!

[Dickons]

Scary thing is that there are people out there TODAY who believe in the sterotypes of the past. How any mother could believe that early babies runs in the family, and then a doctor who should have known better, agreed to it and went against his oath to do no harm...

Destroys my faith in humanity.

Kind regards,
Dickons