[Rylee45]

My daughter contacted me tonight via IM. It was a very short conversation and she was not sober (was drugged or drunk I don't know).

She wanted to tell me she appreciated my not aborting her and allowing her to have a life and not die. She said she loved me too.

Sometimes I don't know what to think about her. Sometimes she is such a rude horrible mean person and the next thing I know she's this sweet loving person.

It's why I have such a hard time with having a relationship with her because I never know what she's going to be like. I never know if she's going to be treating me like crap or loving me and saying things like what she said tonight.

I just don't know what to think sometimes. But at least I can go to bed tonight with a nice thought on my mind about her. It's a nice change when it happens.

I just wanted to tell you about this.

Rylee

[kakuehl]

Thank you for telling us, Rylee. It's nice to have a pleasant word occasionally!

[austin0i]

Rylee,

If she has an addiction, it is not about you, it is about the addiction. It always is for addicts. Its always the addiction.

As an adoptee I say this to you...

We love our mothers, even though sometimes that love in buried deeply below other "junk" that some adoptees may carry, it is there. It is hardwired. That is why she keeps coming back to you. She is forever connected to you. She may try to shut it off, but she wont be able to.

I am sorry she is struggling with addiction. My brother struggled for 24 years with addiction and I saw first hand the pain it afflicts on everyone involved.

Hang in there. You are not alone.

Kim

[Rylee45]

Yes it was nice last night to get the "nice" talk but it will be a long while before she does it again. It's just the way she is.

And yes she is an alcoholic and drug addict. She has been since before we met. Her adoptive family were so abusive to her and along with all the anxiety about why she'd been given up (believing the lies she was told by her adoptive family that I didn't care about her) she turned to those things and never got away from them.

I wish I could help her but she won't let me. I've tried in the past. I do love her. I only want what's best for her but she doesn't believe it. She thinks I've always got "alterior motives" when I want to help her. I know she does most of the time when she's being nice. I've been caught in that too many times not being on guard because I wasn't thinking about anything but how nice she was being and how much I enjoyed being around her at those times. Then her "motive" showed it's ugly head. It's always disturbing when I realize what's going on so I guess I'm on guard a lot even when I probably don't need to be.

When I'm nice to her and trying to help her or give her advice she asked me for, all I'm doing is being myself and being nice and trying to show her I love her but she is always suspicious of me.

I just hope someday it won't hurt so much to be treated like she treats me 90% of the time.

Rylee

[kakuehl]

Rylee, does it help to concentrate on how she's hurting instead on how she's hurting you? My only advice is keep loving her unconditionally (which doesn't mean you have to just TAKE it from her.) I will pray for strenth and wisdom for you and healing for her.

[Jackiejdajda]

I can remember reading about adult children of alcoholic issues.. and how a child of a woman who is an alcoholic is never going to know how the mother is going to act.. and they have to be on guard.. always..

You can not get her to stop.. all you can do is learn about how to deal with the erratic behavior..
Get ye to an Alanon meeting if you can.. they know how to do it..

Jackie

[DANNYTORO]

...Wow, I feel for you Rylee. One of my brothers, the youngest is the same way. Drunk and drugged frequently. He has zero self esteem and has clung too and hurt other family members far too many times. The rest of the gang has pretty much put their foot down on him. It's irritating cause at times he flies right, then lapses right back into the same old habits Worse still he has a newborn with a teen with the same type of substance abuse problems. It got to the point where my third brother took the child from them. Otherwise the baby would have been taken away. You can't possibly blame yourself for your daughters failings. You will not be true to yourself. You made the judgement to do the best thing you could do for her at the time. But do not let her drag you down.....