[lglysson]

I just wanted to drop in and share some of my thoughts and feelings. My bio-daughter "found" me recently by googling her name. She wasn't actively searching, just found my post here through google. So, we emailed back and forth a few times then because her aparents didn't know about it, she said she wanted to stop contact. It was too stressful for her to not be able to tell her aparents. She knew they wouldn't be supportive.

She went off to college yesterday. Knowing she is out there and so accessable and yet not accessable is difficult. I am content that I got to get a picture, tell her some things that I wanted her to know, and answer her only question for me. But, I feel like I have lost her all over again. I struggle with knowing she's not "mine" but yet she is my child. I cannot "claim" her but she's a part of me. It's too difficult, so it's easier to stuff the feelings. Close them up and put them away. I really want the pain to go away. But what I really want is to hold her again. To know her more. To be free to love her.

Going through this has truly helped me with my adopted daughter. I will have so much more simpathy for her as she greives the loss of her birth parents. She will always have me to go to. I will be open to her reunion when she is ready (she's only 7 now). She has lost so much.

I know you all will understand. Thanks for "listening".
Blessings

[quantum]

It's hard! I have a lot of the same feelings about my son and he and I still have contact.
I miss the years I lost with him.
I miss never being able to have the kind of relationship the parents who raised him have.

I hope your daughter finds herself ready again in the not so distant future!

[kakuehl]

I know it's not much comfort right now, but at least you know she can find you when she is ready. (D looked for me, but didn't even have a name and was almost 33 when I found him.) I assume your daughter is still very young... that age is so difficult for kids anyway as they seek to become adults adding birth parents to the mix has got to complicate their lives.

As Quantum says, even in reunion some of the same feelings are there. My bson lives about 2 1/2 hours from me and I do get to see him (and hug him) several times a year, but the relationship is not the same as the one I have with my other adult children. (In someways it's easier because we don't have the baggage that comes with parenting children, and in other ways it's more difficult because of the baggage that comes wiht adoption.) We are still in the process of getting to know each other because we are "relative strangers."

Hang in there. Give her time. Come here for support and to vent anytime.

[stinky_kitty]

I just wanted to offer you support! ((hugs)) Hopefully in the future things will change and you'll have contact again.