[Rylee45]

I've only gotten a few chapters in the book read. But it's really interesting the way that these women are relating their experiences.

One thing that kind of hit home was the way they talked about how you didn't talk about pregnancy or the girls "went away" etc. And how the girls who "did it" were considered sluts and other things and "bad girls".

The way they talk about what it was like in 1959 and that era makes sense for me about my own mother and her experience. She was one of the "bad" girls but she was not really a bad girl (if that makes sense).

She had self esteme issues and when a boy gave her attention and made her feel smart or good or made her believe they loved her well, whatever they expected of her she did and not because she was this "whore" or "bad girl". She just wanted someone to love her.

She was 5 months pregnant with me when she got married to my dad. He was presured into a "shot gun wedding" situation. He never loved my mom but he had a thing that he was taught that you don't run out on your responsibilities when you get a girl "in trouble" so they were married.

My mom's mother tried to get her to give me up for adoption or give her to her to raise so my mom wouldn't be shamed by being pregnant.

She chose to keep me and to get married instead of any of those other choices. I've often been angry with her for that because of the fact my dad was such a horribley abusive man my whole life and my brothers and I suffered a great deal at his hands because she wouldn't leave him. I've often thought how much better my life would have been if she'd given me away instead of putting me through that. But I'm glad I wasn't adopted.

In spite of all the stuff I dealt with because of my mom and dad getting married because my mom was pregnant with me I'm glad she kept me. I'm glad that I'm not sitting her wondering where my birth mother is and why she gave me away.

But this book has made me think about the way that my mom's life was in respect to the being pregnant thing and her having sex outside marriage and how things were back then. I'm understanding my mother a little more.

It also is helping me to understand why she had such a hard time talking about sex with me. She couldn't ever tell me about sex or what it was like having a baby or anything. I always thought that she was just a nut case and hated that she didn't tell me more things I should have known.

I've gotten angry with her for teaching me that women are to be "home makers" and a "man will take care of me" and "bring the money home". My life was never like that. I've always been poor and my husband (I love him to pieces in spite of this) has never really "provided" for us completely. I've had to work and I've had to be part of the responsibility to bring the income home.

It took a lot of years to get past the fact that a man will NOT take care of you he will NOT "bring the money home" just beause you're a woman and he's a man. It don't work that way in this day and age. At least for me it didn't. But my mom never prepared me for this.

So, I prepared my daughter for this and she's now taking care of herself and her sons and she's doing a great job. Her husband is a bum and and left her without anything but she's taking care of herself because she was prepared for the possibility it might happen. She's not crippled because she was left at home never learning anything like I was. She worked during her marriage and she did what she had to and now she is able to take care of herself and her boys and not depending on everyone around her for support like I did or the welfare like I did when my first husband and I split up.

I'm glad I got the book at the library. It's helping me a lot in seeing other's situations as well as actually understanding my mom and what happen about her life concerning being pregnant with me back in the "old days".

Rylee

[djvj]

rylee, i'm so glad you are reading the book. it really shocked me how much i could relate to in it

i want to tell you that you are not "crippled". i know what you mean when you say that, but you are a strong woman who has been through a lot and here you are educating yourself and others through your posts and sharing your experience. in my opinion, that makes you more of a hero than a cripple

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

Rylee,

I can relate to a lot in your post. My mom grew up in a very small town, and she was ostracized her whole life because her mom not only had her out-of-wedlock, but even refused to reveal who the father was (which I'm assuming was probably to avoid ending up in the "shotgun wedding" type of situation). Then, my mom got pregnant at 19 with my oldest sister. She ended up marrying my dad when my sister was a little over a month old. My whole life (my oldest sister is 9 years older than me, so I can't speak for the beginning years), my parents have had a miserable marriage, and I can remember as a kid wishing they would get a divorce -- and I still wish that, though after 35+ yrs., I know it's not gonna happen.

I'll have to look for that book the next time I'm at the bookstore. From all the comments I've read on this forum, it sounds like it would be very eye-opening.

[quantum]

One of the things this booked helped me to understand was why adoption was the only choice I considered. My parents have told me time and time again 'it was YOUR choice. We JUST supported you. We NEVER pushed you' blah blah blah
But they were from that generation. They didn't need to say 'you're a BAD girl' I knew that's how they felt. They didn't need to say 'adoption is the choice for you' I knew that's how they felt. I had my son in 1985 but I could still relate to much of this book.

I think it's great as a prospective single mom you would read the book!