[4who]

I would like to hear from anyone who has placed a child of that age or has adopted a toddler. I would like to make sure I haven't over looked anything. Or at least have views from those who have gone through it.

[kelceesmom]

Please remember that there is to be no soliciting on this forum by expectant mothers or adoptive parents in any form.

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[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Please consider seeing a counselor before making this decision. Then if you still know it is what is best for you and your child, maybe the therapist could recommend an agency to work with so that you will have a say in WHO raises your child. I think it is going to be very hard on you AND the toddler. HeShe will need therapy as well and it is something you can demand from prospective adoptive parents as well as some openness in the adoption like yearly visits, quarterly pics and updates, etc. Good Luck! I'm saying a prayer for you.

Kim

[Suziebearhugs]

I don't have personal experience with placing an older child for adoption(or infant for that matter) since I am coming from an adoptive parent perspective. However I did have a friend that placed her older child (4 years old) for adoption and I'd love to share with you the experience I witnessed her and her child have.You can PM me if you like.

This is a very difficult decision. I'm sorry your having to struggle with this choice.

[HappyTwinsMom]

I agree with the poster who advised that you seek counseling before making this decision. I'm sorry that you are in a position where you feel this would be best for yourself and your child. It must be an incredibly painful choice to make.

Not being a birthmom myself (adoptive mom here!), my advice may not be what you're looking for...but I would strongly encourage you to educate yourself as much as possible about the various adoption options. Should you choose adoption, you might want to be involved in your child's life over the years.

Best of luck to you!

[Hadley2]

Originally Posted by 4who

I would like to make sure I haven't over looked anything.

That would depend on what you have looked at. I am the foster/soon to be adopting mother of an older child, so I know there are many issues and challenges that can arise for the child. In our cases, these are outweighed by the issues and challenges of staying with the parent...often not the parents' intentional "fault," but sometimes people just have difficulties that can't be addressed or overcome, sometimes even due to the obligations of parenting. In our case, the first parents felt a strong responsibility and desire to try to parent successfully but society just does not yet have the tools to help them overcome their issues and do it safely or well. But sometimes those difficulties can be addressed or overcome in a way that makes it possible to keep the family together.

I'd suggest you expand on your post a bit, maybe cross-post if you haven't already to the birthparents support board as it is most active and a good resource for the first parents' perspective.

I hope things turn out as well as possible for your child and you.

[kindredspirit]

I can only give you a story of a friend of mind who adopted a 2 year old. At first there was some attachment issues becuase at that age the child is already very attached to you. But that does fade. The child is older now and has a wonderful realtionship with the aparents.

As to how you are going to feel afterwards. It will be tough. You most likely will double guess yourself. But if you really try to build a realtionship with the aparents so you feel comfortable knowing where your child is.

If you want some kind of communtication through the years, make sure they know.

Good luck, my heart goes out to you. This must be heartbreaking for you.