[Rylee45]

I've been taking a really good look at my daughter's adoption and allt he circumstances around it.

Something that keeps coming across my mind is the things I wouldn't have been able to do had I kept my daughter.

I wouldn't have been able to go to girl's camp and be a camp counselor because in my religion they didn't allow girls who became mothers to attend the youth activities. Camp was a big deal to me back then. I had been working since I was 12 on all the awards etc that we got in camp. Girls who kept their babies had to be put into the adult classes and take responsibility as an adult. I don't know how it is now but back then they wouldn't let you stay in the youth programs.

I probably wouldn't have gradutated from high school because I couldn't have gone to school with my baby and I wouldn't have had anyone to take care of her while I was going to school.

I wouldn't have been able to go to church dances where the kids my age were (the dances were something I looked forward to as a teenager) and I wouldn't have had a lot of the opportunities I did when I came home from the foster home after giving her up for adoption.

I know it's hurt so much through the years and I know that I have fought it and fought it trying to "change" the past. It's NOT going to change! I can't do a dang thing about it. Not one single thing. I can't do anything about the way things are now either because of the adoption.

The adoption wasn't good for my daughter. She was abused and things didn't go like they should have but for me I have to look at it and see that I really did have a better life than I would have had I kept her. I just wish she would have had a better life too.

I look so often how much depression I suffered and still do. How much mistrust I had and still have in people. And so many other negative things I have suffered after giving my daughter up.

The thing that comes to me lately is how much better my life COULD have been had I just accepted it and got counseling or just found joy in the other things in my life that I had that were wonderful.

I couldn't see the "good things" all I've been able to see are the negative things and it's been the reason my life has been so crappy.

I still have a hard time seeing the possitive things in life but I've been trying so hard lately to see those things and stay calm and not sweat the small stuff. It's been 2 weeks now (in spite of the things that have gone on like my grandson getting bitten up by that dog) that I've been practicing on being a more calm person and letting things go that really don't matter.

My husband told me the other day that he's noticed such a difference in me lately. He said he's not used to seeing me so "laid back". I don't know what happened that helped me to be so calm but I do know it's been nicer to be alive than it has been for awhile. I sure hope this lasts.

I just wanted to share these thoughts with you.

Rylee

[Moongrl22]

Originally Posted by Rylee45

I've been taking a really good look at my daughter's adoption and allt he circumstances around it.

Something that keeps coming across my mind is the things I wouldn't have been able to do had I kept my daughter.

I wouldn't have been able to go to girl's camp and be a camp counselor because in my religion they didn't allow girls who became mothers to attend the youth activities. Camp was a big deal to me back then. I had been working since I was 12 on all the awards etc that we got in camp. Girls who kept their babies had to be put into the adult classes and take responsibility as an adult. I don't know how it is now but back then they wouldn't let you stay in the youth programs.

I probably wouldn't have gradutated from high school because I couldn't have gone to school with my baby and I wouldn't have had anyone to take care of her while I was going to school.

I wouldn't have been able to go to church dances where the kids my age were (the dances were something I looked forward to as a teenager) and I wouldn't have had a lot of the opportunities I did when I came home from the foster home after giving her up for adoption.

I know it's hurt so much through the years and I know that I have fought it and fought it trying to "change" the past. It's NOT going to change! I can't do a dang thing about it. Not one single thing. I can't do anything about the way things are now either because of the adoption.

The adoption wasn't good for my daughter. She was abused and things didn't go like they should have but for me I have to look at it and see that I really did have a better life than I would have had I kept her. I just wish she would have had a better life too.

I look so often how much depression I suffered and still do. How much mistrust I had and still have in people. And so many other negative things I have suffered after giving my daughter up.

The thing that comes to me lately is how much better my life COULD have been had I just accepted it and got counseling or just found joy in the other things in my life that I had that were wonderful.

I couldn't see the "good things" all I've been able to see are the negative things and it's been the reason my life has been so crappy.

I still have a hard time seeing the possitive things in life but I've been trying so hard lately to see those things and stay calm and not sweat the small stuff. It's been 2 weeks now (in spite of the things that have gone on like my grandson getting bitten up by that dog) that I've been practicing on being a more calm person and letting things go that really don't matter.

My husband told me the other day that he's noticed such a difference in me lately. He said he's not used to seeing me so "laid back". I don't know what happened that helped me to be so calm but I do know it's been nicer to be alive than it has been for awhile. I sure hope this lasts.

I just wanted to share these thoughts with you.

Rylee

Thank you for sharing. I needed that! I'm trying to FIND peace. My Bdaughter will be turning 20yrs old at the end of the year. She had an AMAZING life with amazing Parents. I couldn't be any HAPPIER or OVER joyed! The flip side to all that is NOT being part of her life. I thought after she turned 18yrs old she would want to be PART of my LIFE but she doesn't! Well right now she doesn't. She said Maybe some day! MAYBE is the Question! Thank you for sharing again. It gives me a different way at looking at things in my situation. PEACE!