[loveccl]

I just wanted to wish you ALL a Happy Birthmother's Day. I know some of you don't acknowledge Saturday as "our" day, but for those who do ENJOY.

I plan to spend the day reflecting at my fave park w/ a yummy soy chai in my hand, journaling, and being proud of how strong I am as a birthmother. Wow...its been almost 14ys for me.

Congrats ladies on making it another year as well.

((((HUGS))))

Loveccl

[JustPeachy]

I celebrated for the first time this year at a birthmother's day brunch and it was really lovely connecting with other bmoms, reflecting on our children and where we are right now, how far we've come, what we still struggle with, etc. Just having public acknowledgement and recognition was so wonderful. I also got a mother's day card from my mom, and that was very touching. I think I'll celebrate tomorrow, as well!

[Rylee45]

When I saw this this morning I just got so down and depressed. Not that I don't think we should be recognized but because of the situation that my daughter and I are in right now. It just depresses me so bad to be unable to have any kind of relationship with her because of her adoptive mother.

I was talking to my other daughter today about how I was feeling and she wasn't very sympathetic or wanting to hear about it. That was hard to deal with too.

I was telling her that it was "Birth mother day" and she said, "But you ahve tomorrow to celebrate regular Mother's day why do you need to even think about being a birth mother today? After all, you don't have any more to do with Sandy (not her real name) and you're trying to get past it why dwell on it anymore?"

That just really hurt me. I don't know how to respond to that. She is jealous of my feelings for my other daughter. She thinks after everything that my other daughter has done and the pain she's caused me that I should let her go and not think about her anymore. I can't do that. I can't stop thinking about her.

I just wish I could get past this and not always be so depressed.

Rylee

[Jackiejdajda]

Rylee45

I was talking to my other daughter today about how I was feeling and she wasn't very sympathetic or wanting to hear about it. That was hard to deal with too.

I think sometimes our loved ones want us to pretend it all away.. like some of us have done for years and years..
Make it better and forget about it and get on with your life..
When I first went into therapy the therapist told me that what they do now days is to teach a person how to cope in day to day life..
I thought.. jeeez where have I heard that before.. Like forget about giving up your first born son and get on with it..

I was telling her that it was "Birth mother day" and she said, "But you ahve tomorrow to celebrate regular Mother's day why do you need to even think about being a birth mother today? After all, you don't have any more to do with Sandy (not her real name) and you're trying to get past it why dwell on it anymore?"

Recognizing the grief is the most important step in this.. IMO
Having the grief crying about it.. processing it.. means we get to come out of the other side of it..
Accept it in our body and mind and hearts..

I think that is what some people do not understand.. We can not shut ourselves off.. emotionally..
But we can remember and be sad and rage against the machine.. get angry..

That just really hurt me. I don't know how to respond to that. She is jealous of my feelings for my other daughter. She thinks after everything that my other daughter has done and the pain she's caused me that I should let her go and not think about her anymore. I can't do that. I can't stop thinking about her.

My body told me when I was ready to stop thinking about (grieving the loss of) my first born son..

I went into it and came out the other side.. It took me a few years.. and I know my family was upset.. but I had to do it..

You got all the time you need.. you got lots of stuff to work on and or out.
Do not sweep it away.. You are a person of the first order and what you think and feel matters..

And to me this is a mothers day gift.. A gift of the freedom to have a day when a woman is able to be the person she really is.. how she really feels.. The good the bad and the ugly..
Maybe tell your daughter this.

I just wish I could get past this and not always be so depressed.

The only way out is through.. if we keep putting the pain away.. pretending it away.. forgetting about the injustice of it all.. then it stays in us..

Jackie