[majicka414]

My bdaughter's stepmother, afather and daughter called me this evening!!! We're on the fone chatting!! This is so way cool!!

[Oceans]

OMGosh!!!!!!!! Too exciting!!!!!

You must tell us all about it when you are done and btw....

I am soooooooooooooooo jealous!!!! LOLOL

YAYAY for you!!!!

[majicka414]

well, her stepmother and afather asked me over for a bbq next time i'm in NY, which ironically will be the end of this month, so we will meet in person on May 24th.

I mostly spoke to her stepmom, (who is adopted and reunited herself!) as L was checking out pics of me and her bdad. Adad had no idea I had sent amom letters over the years and she had never held up her end of the deal (sending photos). They have been seperated for 12 years. He made me assure him I would never overstep my boundaries, which I never would, I told him from the second I met them, I knew you were her parents. I am just the person who gave birth to her...I told him I dont want her to feel uncomfortable and if she "feels like" she doesn't know what to call me, Im (my name), that's all. I'm here to be her friend and her fountain of info (what little info I have, as I'm adopted as well).

I mean honestly, as awkward as it is for L, it's just as awkward for me. Here is this clone of me (and god is she a clone, same voice, same face...it's SCARY!) that is so much like me, yet I dont know.

Her stepmom and Dad did most of the talking,mostly her stepmom, so I just emailed her privately on facebook (she had requested me as friends) about if she was comfortable with me coming over. I also let her know that if she ever feels uncomfortable about our relationship, tell me and I will back off. If she tells me she's not ready, that's absolutely fine. Like I said her stepmom was the one who really made all the arrangements...I almost feel like she "pushed" for us getting together so I just want to make sure L is on board...after all..it's all about L.

I'm so excited, yet so scared, giddy, thrilled all at the same time...... Now the only thing to make it sweeter is if I would get the same type of call, only from My birthmom!

[quantum]

That's GREAT news!
You know, I have a good relationship with my son's stepmom as well, I wonder if it's easier for them?

CONGRATS!

[Jennasmom1990]

Congratulations, this is a very exciting time for all of you. Relish in it, try to write down what you never want to forget from that convo...that way when you meet her face to face you will be able to tell her the things that meant the most to you during your first phone call. it is the start of the memories you two will build together.

[majicka414]

well we've been chatting on and off all day via AIM (she msg'd me this morning)..just kinda shooting the breeze getting to know each other...her boyfriend (he's 15 also) was AIMing me too. She's very exctied to meet me the end of this month, and I'm looking forward to it in a big way too.

I'm really afraid of stepping on eveyrone's toes so when I talk to her I try and talk to her more like a sister than a mother. I keep it very light, ask her the kinds of music she likes, what she likes to do...we kinda compare notes. It's eerie how alike we are, yet how different we are.

I just wish her bfather would hurry up and get his butt on myspace (he's been working away from his home so he only has limited computer access).

[keds]

Congratulations! Enjoy! It's a wonderful time/feeling!

[browneyes0707]

This is awesome news!!!!

You'd better keep us updated

[zxczxcasdasd]

This sounds really great.

I'm wondering one thing though... her parents are divorced...does her mom know about all this and is she cool with it? I hope so, because even if the dad and stepmom are gungho, if this is being done behind mom's back and without her approval, this could cause some major problems for this family that would not be a good thing for the girl. Not that it would be on you, more on the dad. But I just hope that's not the case. So, hopefully you can reassure me that's not the case.

Best wishes.

[majicka414]

I was just asked not to tell her myself. I don't know if L or adad is going to tell her... that's their perrogative...

[zxczxcasdasd]

It is their prerogative, and responsibility. I'm sorry to rain on the parade, because it sounds like a such a joyful thing for you and your daughter. But it doesn't sit well with me that the adad is doing this on his own. His exwife is still the girl's mother and the girl is 15. This is a huge parenting decision and should have been decided jointly regarding their child and he should not be counseling his daughter to keep secrets from her mother, especially one so big.

I don't blame you for it and I don't blame you for being excited and joyful. But I have big issues with what the adad and stepmom are doing with regards to respect for the girl's mother and her relationship for her daughter.

For everyone's sake, I hope this ends happily. Best wishes.

[majicka414]

you can rain all day. Like I said In dont know if they are going to speak with her about it or not. It's not MY job to call the a-mom and tell her we've made contact..it's his or Ls. He never said he wasn't going to tell her, he just asked ME not to say anything.

[zxczxcasdasd]

Please don't misunderstand me. I don't begrudge you or your daughter your joy at getting to know each other.

I just hope that the adad isn't doing something that's going to be destructive for your daughter and her mom. I know that's not your intention. I hope it's not his. I hope this is a happy thing for everyone, especially where there is a child involved. But as the mom she should have been consulted, not informed after the fact.

I mean it when I wish you and your daughter the best.

[dpen6]

I agree it could get dicey for the daughter...BUT...you are very much taken into consdiration her feelings. Thats huge. Don't lose that especially if it does get hard between everyone. Your intstinct to keep it light is right on...IMO.

She is just a bbe with lots of heavy stuff going on around her...between adults. You may need to be her rock, her rock who will try to stay out of the whole amom,dad, stepmom thing.

Hope things go well for you and her.

[majicka414]

Just an FYI, L told me today that she told her mom she looked me up on FB and contacted me, she didn't want her mom to find out thru the grapevine and for it to become messy. Her mom is fine with it. She also told her Mom that I gave her her bdad's phone #..i'm like EEEK just get me in trouble why dont you! (I actually just gave her his myspace, he gave her his #).