[Blessed2x.]

Hello I have read on-line that there is a holiday called Birthmother's Day that some people celebrate the day before Mother's Day. There are even cards made especially for this day. What do you think about Birthmother's Day vs. Mother's Day?

[paigeturner]

I'm not a fan of "hallmark" holiday's of any sort. Just my 2 cents.

[Oceans]

Blessed: I have seen that too. I don't like it. Maybe it's because I celebrate Mother's Day for myself very differently than other people who are Mother's and parenting their children.

It isn't a day of mourning by any stretch, nor is it like his birthday. But, I certainly don't need to "add" to the number of days I spend in quite reflection about my son - nor do I want a card -

I'm not sure I would like it even if I were in reunion. It just feels odd. I don't need to be thanked I guess.

[belleinblue1978]

Birthmother's Day started out as an empowerment day put together by CUB if I remember correctly. It has of course been taken by the adoption industry and turned into a day that "we" can be relegated to so that our children 's adoptive mothers don't have to share with us.

I don't do Birthmother's Day period. It both annoys and frustrates me that I can't just enjoy Mother's Day.... Oh wait, I do... this year it is a manicure day for me

[paigeturner]

add a pedi and a massage to that Blue!

[thanksgivingmom]

I've only had one Mothers Day since placing my daughter. I sent her Mom this awesomely cute card honoring her on her First Mothers Day. A few months later she aknowledged that I sent a card. That's about it.

I would have really appreciated some kind of aknowledgement of my First Mothers Day too. Not her job to do so I guess, but it would have meant a lot.

I'd like to say that I would want the recognition on Mothers Day, but I know I would have gladly eaten it up if it was for Birthmother's Day.

[lahdh4]

I hear absolutely nothing from them.. Has finally getting through my thick head that I won't get anything but I do like to hear from my other friends who are firstmoms on bmom day.
I don't feel alone, depressed on bmom day. I do feel alone and depressed on Mother's day.

[taramayrn]

I, personally, see the value in both days. Birthmother's Day is a day for me to share my experience with other birthmothers and to acknowledge the loss and the experience of being a birthmother.

There are some who think Birthmother's Day is a day of celebration, and for me it's not. It is a day to honor and acknowledge that loss and the connection between the birthmother and the child.

Mother's Day is a day to celebrate my motherhood.

Regardless of the day the acknowledgement from my son's adoptive parents would be huge and would honestly make my year. I'm inviting my son's mom to come with me to our agency's annual Birthmother's Day event, which I am involved in planning. Hoping she will come.

[quantum]

Hmm, interesting.
Last year was the first year I finally felt able to celebrate Mother's day. I have to admit getting an SMS from my son wishing me a happy one was the best.

I guess I would just be happy to be acknowledged as a birthmother in a postitive way, anytime, anyplace!

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by quantum

I guess I would just be happy to be acknowledged as a birthmother in a postitive way, anytime, anyplace!

Good call Quantum!

[Rylee45]

I've never heard of Birth Mother's day. I don't even like the sound of it.

Not because of the fact that it just reminds me that I gave my child away to strangers (that's what I feel it was back in 1976) but it just makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Why if there is a "birth mother's day" to remind us of our loss, shouldn't there be an "adoptive mom's day" to remind them that they weren't the first mother the child ever had?

Please don't think I'm cutting adoptive parents down or anything like that. I'm not. I'm just having one of my down days and thinking about birth mother's day just really gets under my skin.

I am a mother too! Not just a birth mother. Of course maybe I should look at this like having a LONG weekend of being honored as a mother no matter the roll in that that I have. I don't know. But it just doesn't set right with me.

Rylee

[RavenSong]

I never even heard of Birthmother's Day until I joined the forums here. From what I understand, it was created in 1990 by a group of birthmothers in Seattle. I've been reading about it on the Internet today, and there's something about it that just doesn't set right with me. I think I much prefer being honored or acknowledged on Mother's Day.

In the 18 years that have elapsed since I reunited with my son, he has usually (not always) honored me with a card on Mother's Day, as well as a phone call. When I first met him, he told me that he had often secretly thought about me on Mother's Day during his childhood and would offer up a prayer on my behalf. I feel badly that as a child from the closed era of adoptions, my son had to keep his feelings and thoughts about his birthparents to himself; he feared that his parents would feel badly or angry with him if they knew he ever thought about me at all. Looking back, I don't think they would have been upset with him, but he was raised in that atmosphere of closed adoptions and was fearful of rocking the boat.

The first gift I ever received from my son was on Mother's Day. He was only 17 years old, about a year before we reunited. It was a beautiful framed photograph that his parents had taken of him that year. His parents were the ones to take the gift and Mother's Day card to the adoption agency, where the post-adoptions caseworker then mailed it on to me. When I opened the package, I could see that his mom had spent a lot of time in wrapping the package (it was awesomely wrapped!!). I've always been very grateful to his parents for doing that for me. It was a very healing, joyous occasion. It was also the very first Mother's Day that I had ever been acknowledged as being a mother at all.

[SuddenlySusan]

I understand the history behind the term "birthmother" as well as "birthmother's day" and I appreciate the sincere efforts of those who have gone before me. That being said, however, I think it's time to evolve our consciousness again. When a group of people find a name for themselves that they feel empowers them, that's probably a good thing. When "society" begins to use that name, but attaches their own skewed definition to the name... well, then I think maybe it's time to use a new name.

I never heard of the term birthmother, or birthmother's day, until I came to these forums. I tried to use the term, and tried to appreciate the "special" day, but it just does not work for me. I was, am, and always will be, simply a mother. I happen to be a mother who did not raise one of her children. I see nothing to celebrate.

In order for me to participate in any kind of "birthmother's day" events, the events would have to focus on grief and loss, adoption reform, support for reunion, and would have to contain a public education element.

I would be insulted to receive a "birthmother" card. That's just me, though.

Peace,
Susan

[taramayrn]

I understand where you all are coming from. If you don't feel that birthmother's day is a day for you that's cool.

However, it is not a celebratory day. We are not simply mothers who did not raise our children, there's more to it, it's not that simple.

But you are not alone in your thoughts about bmom's day and that's okay. Many bmoms from the closed era do not believe there is a need for such a day.