[Rylee45]

When you had other children, and they found out they had another sibling out there somewhere how did they feel about it?

I told my kids as soon as they could understand things I was saying. It was never a secret to anyone anywhere even though I was told "keep it a secret and go on with your life as though nothing happened because..."

Maybe it was a rebellous thing I did that for I dont' know. I never ever kept the fact that I'd had a baby and was forced to give her away to strangers. Never.

I embarrassed my parents by telling people. I might have embarrassed people who thought they were my friends when I told them about it. I don't know but I never wanted to keep that a secret and I don't know why.

As my children grew up, they really wanted to meet my daughter. They didn't understand why she couldnt' come to the house etc when they were having a birthday or Christmas or some other thing. They just didn't get that part but they knew they had a sister.

I gave her a name I would have given her and called her by that name when I spoke of her to my children. They wanted to know who she was.

Well, when I actually met my daughter, jealousy set in SO BAD that my oldest boy hated her. My daughter I raised thought I loved my other daughter more because I was so excited and spent so much time with her trying to "catch up" on her life.

My youngest son however got so close to her and loved her so much that he was loyal to her no matter what which got him into a lot of trouble.

She got him drunk and smoking and doing a lot of things he shouldn't have done. He was only 13 years old when I met my daughter. It caused a lot of problems for awhile.

When my daughter left town and stopped talking to everyone because of her adoptive mom and what she did, my son decided never to speak to her again because it hurt so much that she just abandoned him and didn't care about his feelings. He would have followed her to the end of the earth if she had asked him to.

My oldest boy won't talk to her either and wants nothing to do with her.

My daughter I raised is kind of not knowing how to deal with her because she felt betrayed as well and didn't understand why she did the things she did or continues to do the things she does.

I'm wondering if telling the kids their whole lives about their sister was a good idea or not. I think it was a bad idea but then if she'd just shown up on the doorstep (more or less what actually happened) would that have devastated them and caused them to not trust me? I don't know what I should have done.

I think about that so often and wonder about other people and their family and how they dealt with reunions and their other children and possibly jealousy etc and what others have done and how their families reacted, when they told their other children etc.

My dad met my daughter and pretty much didn't want anything to do with her. He didn't talk to her much and when he did, he was gruff with her. He never wanted to get to know her at all. At least he acted that way when he was around her. But later when he died and I went through his things, he had a bunch of things like pictures he'd been sent and notes etc that kind of showed he may have actually cared about her but didn't want to show it.

Rylee

[keds]

Rylee, I was the "opposite" so to speak in that I as much as I wanted to tell my other children about their brother, I had made a promise to their dad (bdad) that I wouldn't. I know that my hubby prayed that he would never enter our lives again but I prayed that he would (I guess I had a little more pull - ha ha). Anyway, the jealousy factor is there regardless. I'm not sure they have an issue with me "lying" all those years, it's not like they "asked" if they had another sibling and I said "no" but I do know they feel "cheated" that they didn't know him. My problem now, he seems to have entered our lives, had a look around and decided that he's happy where he is (OK with me but my eldest feels that if you aren't in it for the long haul, why the heck did you bother).

In my opinion, and talking with the 2 children I raised, they would have rather known all along then have this "dumped" on them 18 years later. I don't know if they are saying that but I have always felt being honest all along would have been the way to go. Kudos to you for doing so. I doubt any of us could "avoid" jealousy. In my mind, it's a natural reaction because there is someone else that you are sharing your love. My eldest felt jealous when her younger sister was born but she soon realized that there was more than enough love to go around. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. For me, I'm willing (?) to have my bson hurt me but he has just recently started communicating with his sisters and I have warned them that he may decide he can't "handle" it. Even so, I'm not sure how I would feel if he decided he wanted nothing else to do with us. As I told him, in many of our talks, I can handle anything, God knows, as many of my friends here know, after you have placed a child, life's a beach, ha ha, but I know that my family is not as strong (?). I was quite frank with my bson that if all he wanted was info then I would provide it to him, but if he was to contact his sisters than he was "all in". If he wasn't ready for that, then, wait because we are an all or nothing family. Nothing would be hard to handle but there is no half-full glass in this family. I have a good feeling so it breaks my heart to read your post.

[Rylee45]

I wish my daughter had felt that way with being part of the family. She did so MANY crappy things when we first met.

She was so whacked out finding me not being "famous" or "rich" or even "smart" in her opinion. She was so hurt by knowing that I kept the other kids I had and not her that she wanted to destroy our family so we couldn't be happy.

She told me she was hurt by it. Her adoptive mom told her I'd had the other kids and kept them because I loved them more than I loved her. It hurt her SO bad to hear that.

She told me for a long time she couldn't think of anything but how she was going to "get revenge" on me. She did a good job I gotta say. Really good job.

I'm not a glass half full person either. That's what hurts so much about this and how the other kids feel about her but she hurt them so bad by the things she did.

She tried to sleep with my other daughter's boyfriend when we first all met. She tried to take every friend she had away from her and succeeded with a few of them.

She got my son drunk and smoking etc like I was saying in the original post.

She stole from us. She was obnoxious and was drinking all the time.

I had to send her back home. She wanted to live with us in our house and not go back to the state she lived when we met but I just couldn't deal with all the shinanigans and horrible things she was doing.

We talked for a long time after that and she lived with us 2 other times. The last time her adoptive mother just couldn't take it anymore and that's when she told her she had to get out of my life or be taken out of her Will.

We were having to sneak around to even chat online. It was just ridiculous! She lied to her adoptive mom about how she got the computer she got. She told her she'd won it somewhere. She couldn't even tell her that I'd bought it for her. Then she goes and pawns it for drug and alcohol money after about 4 months of our chatting online.

Maybe it would have been worse on my kids had I not told them about her. I don't know. I always built her up to be having a "good home" and "wonderful parents" (because that's what I was told she had by the agency) and that she would be a nice person because she'd be like them. All my kids I raised are wonderful caring people who care about other people's feelings before their own most times.

They would give the shirt off their back in a snow storm if you needed it even if it meant they'd freeze to death. That's the kind of people my children I raised are.

My daughter I gave up on the other hand is someone who'd rip the shirt off your back to keep HERSELF warm and let you freeze to death. Very very selfish person. I wasn't prepared for that and neither were my children.

Rylee