[thanksgivingmom]

Rylee, your feelings and emotions are completely understandable. I can't speak for everyone, but I don't think anyone here holds any grudges or hard feelings based on anything you said off emotion.

I wish you the best as you navigate through your emotions. Hugs to you!

[Rylee45]

I sure hope you're right because I would never want to hurt anyone's feelings here. I have not always been the most "thinking" person when I"m having "issues" that are clouding my thinking like this has been doing lately.

Rylee

[meggggann]

Hi Rylee.
I know how you feel ,as it was like what happened to me over 40 years ago.Having to hand a child to strangers....when you are crying your eyes out,what made them think you wanted to do it..
Nobody cared.....no one helped you..I was in a mother and baby home to.made to go there.....made to give up my child....my heart was broken then,I dont think you can mend a broken heart..I think you would agree..Even when you find them it dousn't take the pain of 40yrs ago away...but i thank god i have my husband and daughters.....What happened all those years ago was very wrong , but i know how you feel....There were a about 20 girls at the home i had to stay in ,all of us in the same boat...i made some good friends there ,never seen .any of them since......I think being let down by our family was a horrible thing to have to remember too..

I hope this helps you a little bit ..you are not the only one ...lol meg

[Rylee45]

Meg, I know what you mean. No one cared and it's something that really eats at me sometimes.

Right now I'm taking care of my mother because she can't. Sometimes I have some very hard feelings towards her when I am thinking about my daughter and our lack of being able to be together.

I've had to really fight my emotions sometimes thinking about her and how she let me down by not standing up for me and helping me keep my baby.

I have really had to work on it lately. I do love my mom but it's still very hard taking care of her without grudges when I do think about things.

I also know what you mean about making good friends in the home. There were probably 15 girls in "the program" when I first went into the foster home provided by the agency. (how kind of them) but we met every week at the agency office where we were taught everything BUT what we were going to face emotionally after our babies were gone.

Rylee

[meggggann]

Hi Rylee..Thank you for reply...
I found it very difficult with my mother too...Although i loved her i couldn't forgive her .we were in the mother and baby home for six weeks before the baby was born and looked after the baby for about three months after......we named the baby while we were there.but didn't baptise them adoptive mum done that ,that is how i found mine 37 yrs later....I found out what i wanted to know .....that they were ok .and say what happened and why....We havn't been in contact for a few yrs now most likely never will again....I .. like you loved my child ..But a/mum feels the same ...and i think she really really really, hates me...

Counseling.......who could counsel us no one could understand.only another first mum....

lol meg...
.

[Rylee45]

Wow, I think I would have been gone completely crazy and been put away if I'd had that much time with my baby and then had her taken from me. I"m so sorry you had to go through that. My heart is just breaking for you and having to do that like that.

I only got to spend a half hour with my baby (twice) and then she was gone. That sent me off the wall and was hard enough.

I wasn't allowed to name her on legal records or have anything to do with that kind of thing.

I am also sorry that you aren't going to be able to see your child again. I do understand how that feels.

You're right about the counselors not undertanding either. They all just feel you can "get over it" and don't show much compassion for our situations.

The sterio type pregnant girls get are we were "sluts" obviously or we wouldnt' have been pregnant. Obviously we "slept around" and "probably didn't know who the father was". GAG ME!

My foster mother took me aside the first day I was in her home and said, "You had better stay away from my husband. I know about girls like you!" and she meant it.

I was not a run around. I had only been with one boy and I got pregnant because I trusted him when he told me he loved me. I did whatever he wanted because I loved him and thought he loved me.

I later found out that there were 5 other girls having babies that were his within a few weeks or months of when my daughter was born! HE was the slut. Not me.

Anyway...

Although I feel really bad for anyone who has gone through losing their child to adoption, I am glad people here understand how I feel and that I"m not alone. I jsut wish NONE of us had to deal with this and that there was something else we could share that was pleasant that didn't cause such grief.

Rylee