[RavenSong]

My son has contacted me, almost six months after he told me he was permanently severing our relationship. I received an email tonight from him, listing every possible way of contacting him ~ home and work addresses, home phone, work phone, cell phone, pager number, fax number, home email address, work email address, etc. To say I am stunned is a gross understatement!

A couple years ago, I lost contact with my son after he moved out of state. I didn't have his new address or phone number...he thought he had given it to me before he left. Both of us waited for the other one to call. I took our 18-year post-reunion relationship for granted ~ I thought he'd always be in my life. But when he didn't hear from me, he felt hurt and abandoned. Meanwhile, I thought he wasn't calling me because he was angry for some reason or was in "pullback" mode. It was basically a very careless misunderstanding on both of our parts.

Last September when I found out that my niece corresponds with DS, I asked her to please let him know that I needed to talk to him, that I didn't know how to reach him, and that I had no contact information. I received a very terse email from DS the next day, telling me in no uncertain terms to never contact him again.

A couple weeks ago, my brother sent him an email, trying to reestablish their relationship. A few days ago, my brother said he hadn't received any reply. So this week, I've been trying to face going thru the rest of my life without my son. I've been searching for a way to live with the heartbreak, and to find the courage to let go of him forever. I tried to harden my heart, but instead found it breaking all over again.

And then tonight, I checked my email...and there was my son's name in my inbox. At first I thought it was a mistake, that he had sent out his contact info to everyone on his mailing list. But I checked the headers and saw that I was the only person he had sent the message to. The message was short and sweet, just basically giving me every possible way of contacting him. The only thing he said was to use his work email address if anything was urgent because he checks his email at work on a constant basis. I am totally blown away.

I know that many of you on all sides of the triad here on the forums have offered up prayers for me. And, my friends, they've been answered. I feel blessed to have my son back in my life, although my brain is kind of reeling at the moment. I've learned some really important lessons, though. Never, ever take anything or anyone for granted; always make sure you have a phone number or address for somebody when they are moving; and don't make assumptions about how someone else is feeling. All the time that I spent thinking DS wasn't calling me because he was in "pullback mode", he was sitting there actually thinking I didn't want to call him.

I haven't replied yet to his email (I just got it about an hour ago). I'm not quite sure what to say, whether to just be casual and keep it short or whether to write a long response from my heart. I want him to know how much I love him, how important he is to me. But I don't want to overwhelm him. I think I may sleep on it tonight, and reply to his email in the morning. Hopefully my heart won't still be racing, nor my head spinning so much!

Anyway, thank you for your prayers and good thoughts.
I am continuing on my journey, one step at a time. But for right now, the sun is shining on me, and the dark clouds are clearing. I believe the Lord has touched both my son and myself. And I feel His love surrounding me tonight...

[lovemy2boys]

wonderful...congratulations

[josh1788smom]

Great news!!! All the best to you both!

[loveis]

I am so thrilled for you! That just made my morning!

[kakuehl]

Raven,
I'm so happy for you. As far as answering him.. I think I'd try to not get too deep, but say to him some of the things you said to us (addressed to him of course):
I didn't have his new address or phone number...he thought he had given it to me before he left. I took our 18-year post-reunion relationship for granted ~ I thought he'd always be in my life. I feel blessed to have my son back in my life, although my brain is kind of reeling at the moment. I've learned some really important lessons, though. Never, ever take anything or anyone for granted; always make sure you have a phone number or address for somebody when they are moving; and don't make assumptions about how someone else is feeling. All the time that I spent thinking DS wasn't calling me because he was in "pullback mode", he was sitting there actually thinking I didn't want to call him.

Those are some of the thoughts I think you could share, but I don't know that I'd try to get too intense. At the same time, I think he probably needs to hear how important this is to you!

I'll continue to pray.

[loveajax]

Raven, that is terrific news. I am so happy for you!

[thanksgivingmom]

Raven - I am so pleased to read this!!!! What a great day!!!

[Jackiejdajda]

What joy.. what wonderful joy..

Sitting here crying again.. have been ill so am down.. but your message makes me incredibly happy.. right now..

What joy!

Jackie

[lahdh4]

so happy to hear this.

[Oceans]

Wonderful!!! I am happy for both of you!

[SuddenlySusan]

Great news!

Perhaps a short and sweet acknowledgment of his email would be good, to ease his mind and heart. You could tell him that you are working on a longer letter, but just wanted to let him know that you got his email and are happy to hear from him. Keeping the momentum of communication going...no need to overthink it... sometime fewer words say more.

So happy for you!

Peace,
Susan

[hollyhunter]

Raven, your post gives us hope and reminds me to never say never. We are advised to go with cues and sometimes cues are all we have but they are so easily misinterpreted.

Jackie, sorry your not feeling well. You've been a great support for me when I didn't think anyone was listening or caring. I hope to be here for you also.

[RavenSong]

Thank you, everybody, for the congrats! I replied to my son's email today, keeping it fairly short and simple. I reaffirmed my love for him, and told him how important he is to me. And I thanked him for sending me his contact info.

I still can't believe he wants me back in his life. But I am so glad he does...I've missed him terribly.

[susieloo]

Sooooooooooo happy for u raven. I imagine pullback all the time. It is so hard, and I feel so scared sometimes too....but the next txt, email etc comes and I'm singing again!!! Am really really pleased for u
Susie

[hunny0404]

Wow, Raven! That's just the best news I've heard in a long time. I'm so happy for you and your son! He's truly blessed to have you back in his life.

Hugs,
Susanne