[Rylee45]

I am not asking this question to start a feud or any problems or anything. I just want to know if I am alone in this opinion.

I know that for abreviations sake that the "amom" and "bmom" is just that an abreviation. But sometimes when I read that, it makes me very upset.

It's like we first moms are "2nd class". The "b" in front of the mom for the first moms and the "a" in front of the mom for the 2nd moms" just makes me feel cruddy. I don't know.

For abreviations sake, wouldn't "1stmom" and "2ndmom" be just as good and still be specifiying who a person is talking about?

Does anyone else here feel the way I do or am I just being overly sensitive?

Rylee

[Mommy24]

I would prefer to do away with the "identifier" all together, in the end we are all Mom's. However I do recongnize that in order to clarify which mom we are talking about we have to use something.

2ndmom seems unfair to Adoptive mom's, sounds like they are 2nd class and we know they are not. I detest bmom, but do understand that some use it, it is their right. I prefer to type out First Mom and when talking of my son's mom I just use MOM and to clarify amom.

I understand what you are saying here, and I tend to agree but again wish there was a way of just saying MOM.

[InBlindFaith]

It has never really bothered me, but then I never really put much thought into it. I guess I have been tagged with so many labels I don't seem to notice when new ones are slapped onto me.

I don't mind birthmom. Natural Mom makes me feel like I need to shave my legs, Biological Mom makes me feel like I should be hanging out in a petri dish and calling myself First Mother makes me feel a little awkward. I guess people just use what they are comfortable with and most people do try to be respectful when they use it.

[Rylee45]

Making the distinction of who is who when a person is talking about one of the moms really is necessary for the most part. At least I think so.

It's kind of like in my house, we have my mom who is my grandchildren's great grandmother. They call me grandma and my mom grammy or granny. It's to help the boys know who we are talking about when my daughter might say something like, "Will you please get grandma/granny a pen?" The boys know who she is talking about.

Also when we are both in the room at the same time and the boys say "grandma" I know they are talking about me.

When my mom first came to live here we had to do that because hearing "grandma" both my mom and I would repsond. It was frustrating. So we had to put a distinction as to who was who. It just made it easier. It didn't make either of us less important just made the distiction of who was who.

That's the same in my opinion about the "labels" if you want to call them that, when talking about first moms and adoptive moms. It doesn't make either on (in my opinion anyway) less important than the other by saying "1st or 2nd mom". It just puts the distinction of who is being talked about.

InBlindFaith I loved the way you described each of the terms and how you felt about them. The one that really made me smile is the "Natural Mom makes me feel like I need to shave my legs"

I also don't mind being called a "birth mother" I just don't like the abreviation of "bmom" and "amom". I know I'm being super sensitive but I can't help it. Lots going on in my life right now that involves my daughter and our relationship (or lack of it) and I guess I'm not doing too well right now with this.

Mommy24 I don't know why an adoptive mom would have a problem about being called "2ndmom". All adopted children have a first mom. Being called the 2nd mom shouldn't make anyone think they are thought less of. They are the 2nd mom.

Although I still use the term adoptive mom most of the time, I don't think the term 2nd mom is in any way disrespectful. At least I don't use it in a disrespectful way when I use it.

Rylee

[MrsHoot]

I too dislike the Birthmother label and bmom does bug me a bit, too. There's another great thread about it here: Primal Mother...

One thing I'll add - at least bmom is WAY more respectful then "carrier" as I recently heard a First Mom referred to!

[Rylee45]

Carrier??? Oh my GOSH that's just wrong!

I've heard one other thing that really got me, that was "Incubator"! As if the birth mothers are just ovens for the babies to grow in and then shut the oven off when the baby is born.

Yes Birth mom is fine. It was the "b"mom instead of writing it all out that bothers me.

Rylee

[loveccl]

I use Bmom and Aparent alot when typing because its just faster. When I talk I say the actual words. I know there was a long time poster here for yrs Skye who made "Life Mother" her word for women who gave thier baby's up for adoption. I am not sure if any of you talked to her or remember her. She was here w/ Brenda and I and Court for yrs. So maybe you can borrow Skye's title if you like it better.

Not an Amom...Still I think 2nd mom just sounds negative. I don't want my son going around school telling his friends he lives w/ his second mommy. It would make me feel like a failure because I as 1st mommy could not handle it and he had to have a 2nd mommy...plus not that I ever advocate Aparents (sorry but I am honest) I don't feel like it sounds nice to them either.

Still these are titles and its not the words its what we know in our hearts to be true. I know I am a Birthmother and Mother to the same little man. I do understand your wanting things to sound like we have a little more value. Still if you change things too much no one will even know what your talking about.

Oh and there was a Mag that came out for First Mom's called FM...I don't think it made it past very many issues. Maybe I am just out of the loop on it now. So FYI as I said it was called FM...First Mother. Proud to say I did have an article published in the first issue.

Please note its almost 3am so if noe of this makes sence I am sorry.

Loveccl

[thanksgivingmom]

I'm good with amom and bmom - we know what it means here (adoptive mom, birth mom) so I don't think someones going to say "Oh, she's the A mom! that's better than the B mom!"

Personally, when I write about A's Mom, I just say her Mom (as opposed to her Amom). For me that's just one way that I show respect for her role in all of this. I wouldn't be comfortable calling her 2nd Mom. For me it feels 2nd class. Also, like Lovccl said, sounds like I messed up the 1st try and A had to go to her 2nd Mom...it also (to me) implies that there's no finality...my baby isn't going to end up with a third mom or a fourth mom, so we'll just end with Mom

[lonni]

"Natural Mom makes me feel like I need to shave my legs, Biological Mom makes me feel like I should be hanging out in a petri dish"

That made me snort!!!! I use nat. mom and I really do need to shave my legs-heh heh

[lonni]

To Mrs. Hoot

Thanks to that thread and your great invention (meant tongue in cheek) I kind of like "primal Mother" now too. ;~))

[MrsHoot]

Originally Posted by Rylee45

Carrier??? Oh my GOSH that's just wrong!
I've heard one other thing that really got me, that was "Incubator"! As if the birth mothers are just ovens for the babies to grow in and then shut the oven off when the baby is born.

Yes Birth mom is fine. It was the "b"mom instead of writing it all out that bothers me.

Rylee

I know, its disgusting isn’t it! And one of the most horrible words I have heard used!

As for bmom...my guess is that it’s one of those abbreviations that gets used exclusively online just like DD, DS, DH and KWIM...I don’t actually think anyone walks around and says “B”mom or “A”mom...it’s just faster to type it that way than spelling it out...KWIM? And besides it's way better that plain old birthmom - which is what was used for an abbreviation not that many years ago!

Lonni - glad you enjoyed the thread...but I had nothing to do with it (other than finding and posting to it!)

And just FYI...if you write FM here, it generally refers to Foster Mother.

[bajj]

2ndmom seems unfair to Adoptive mom's, sounds like they are 2nd class and we know they are not.

Thank you, Mommy24.

Mommy24 I don't know why an adoptive mom would have a problem about being called "2ndmom". All adopted children have a first mom. Being called the 2nd mom shouldn't make anyone think they are thought less of. They are the 2nd mom.

Rylee, I could use the same argument with why do people detest bmom.

[InBlindFaith]

I use bmom, amom, etc because it is quicker to type. I do refer to DD's amom IRL as "her Mom" because to me she is Mom. I just hope one day I will have the chance to get to know her too!!!

(((Rylee)))

(((Bajj))) you are an awesome mom and I can only hope that DD's mom is as fabulous as you!

[lahdh4]

Originally Posted by MrsHoot

One thing I'll add - at least bmom is WAY more respectful then "carrier" as I recently heard a First Mom referred to!

That is just wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin.

I will usually write amom or bmom depends really on the thread and if I am up to writing alot. Sometimes I write, L or Supergirl's mom. Really for me it is a time issue.

[MrsHoot]

That is just wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin.

I know - I saw it on a couple of threads here and I just about fliped out!

But after going over this whole bmom things in my mind...bmom is getting under my skin a bit more - I know I use it here only because when I started posting here, I did what I saw...I know I'm such a sheep, just follwoing along...but here's what's getting to me at the minute about it...

A= 1st, best #1
B=2nd, 2nd place, 2nd best, #2, not the winner

So bmom just reminds me that I am not, nor will ever be my daughters #1!