[xxsurroundedbyxy]

I know you've "done the math" but have you checked into all the social resources that will be available to you upon the arrival of your little one?

This is your decision...I just want you to have ALL the info before you make one.

You may qualify for free daycare with vouchers. Or you may qualify with child support some help with daycare expenses because he has to have someone care for his child for him to work too!!

With rent....there are other mothers out there needing roommates. Others who are scared to do it alone. You can be a support to one another and if you work opposite shifts, you could care for each other's children and not spend ANY on daycare. It would save on rent too.

Get counseling because you will need it to get through this pregnancy and if you decide to place the baby, you will certainly need it afterwards.

Either way, we will be a support here for you but make an INFORMED decision.

Kim

[Oceans]

Love .... I am going to ask you to do one thing first...
Pretend your best friend in the whole wide world is saying to you what you are "feeling" right now....

What would you say to her?

You are your own best friend. Heed the advice you would give to someone in your situation. If finding support is too overwhelming right now, you can PM me or anyone else you feel comfortable with on this forum. I believe I speak for most in saying, we are willing to help.

There was a volcanic like explosion tonight and I know that there is NO way I want my child around his fathers ex-wife ever.

This might sound harsh but ex's are NO REASON to consider placement.

[simpleme]

Hi there...
I am so sad to read this...Sorry to chime in,
I was an expectant mom who changed her mind and decided to raise my child after baby was born...

A great tip...
I know Catholic Charities where I live will offer free housing for you, for before and after baby is born... They will also give you a lot of other freebies, too... Clothes, food, counseling, baby classes,etc..
Most people don't know about it.. Just throwing that out there...
Best wishes to you...

[keds]

Darcy, whatever you decide will be best for you. My only caveat , open or closed, you will not be in control of what happens to your son/daughter so, if you are ready to accept that reality then Godspeed. I'm certain that whatever you decide will be right because you have asked the question. Take care.

[keds]

hi loveccl,

sorry, I have to add my 2 cents in - I can't even imagine how hard this is for you! I could NOT go through the pain again but I am a different person than I was 28 years ago. I do hope you are not "weighing" your decison on monetary terms. For me, now, money is tight but I believe if I found myself pregnant tomorrow, I would find some way to raise my child, significantly different from 28 years ago. I may be in the minority but the pain of relinquishment is worse than that of losing a child (and I have experienced both). On the other hand, I know not of your circumstances and you must do what is best for you. (((HUGS)))

[musemoon]

loveccl before you decide go to the Seatte website and look a their human services. I pulled this quote from a quick glance at their website, there are also housing and other assitance offered. I am a single adoptive mom and I struggle financially, but my strength comes from being a parent and loving my child, I'd do anything for her. You will survive, you do have options.

"The City of Seattle helps low- and moderate-income working families pay for child care for children ages one month to 13 years. Families can choose from more than 165 licensed family child care homes and centers in Seattle, which contract with the City to provide high-quality and affordable child care.
At the time of enrollment, the family will be given a voucher, which authorizes monthly child care payments to the child care home or center that they choose from the list provided. The amount of the payment from the City varies according to the income of the family, age of the child, and hours of care needed. The City typically pays between 40 percent and 90 percent of the cost, and the family is responsible for paying the difference.
The City of Seattle Human Service Department allocated nearly $2 million in 2007 for child care assistance payments."

[Mil]

Wow, where were these type of services 34 years ago??? Why couldn't they have offered these things then?

(talking to self) Okay, repeat the Serenity Prayer, repeat it, repeat it, repeat it.

[julie23]

hello ....

Please Pm agency information as that cannot be linked. Thanks!
also... i just talked to an attorney in a different state... she told me that their state has a "post adoption communication agreement" that both parties sign and that she believes is totally legally enforceable... since they started doing the contracts, not one adoptive family has failed to do what they promised....

if you are interested in that state, pm me and i will let you know... this state also has some agencies that provide housing to pregnant women...

good luck,
julie

[sstuart]

Loveccl-
You said you wanted your baby to have a family---What are you?? You are family!!!!! You can not guarantee that with adoption the baby will have a "family". Life can change at the drop of a hat with accidents and illness.
Please look more into available resources and do not make a permanent decision for temporary problems. You can overcome financial difficulties, Money does not buy happiness!!!!!!!!

[koalove]

i placed my ds in 98 and my dd last year in 07. so yeah, some people do it twice. my first experience with adoption was HORRIBLE and im still feeling wounded from it in a big way. but my recent placement was awesome! doing it twice helps you figure out what didnt work the first time to make a good situation for yourself so you can plan something that you can not only live with, but feel happy about. it also helped that i have a son who is with me so it was easier to know what i was getting into, and decide i didnt want to get into it as a single parent. good luck!

[majicka414]

You seem very confused in what you want....and it's understandable. You also have the option of going to live with your cousin. You don't need to have this man or his x in your life if you don't want to. This is about YOU and BABY.

I hope you find the answer your looking for and make right choice for yourself.

[yankeegrl2]

This is my first time on this site, but I had to reply once I read this topic. I was in court last week to relinquish a baby for the 2nd time. The first time was almost 8 years ago when I was 20. That time absolutely tore my heart out, but this time may be worse because I feel like at 28 years old, I should be able to be a mom. But I had all the financial problems that you have & I'm not with the father anymore (who also already has 2 kids & a crazy ex-wife).

I decided that I wanted my little girl to have more than I would ever be able to give her. I searched online & found a couple that I absolutely love. We have frequent contact and obviously that helps a lot. While I wish things were different, I do not regret my decision. I wish you the best & hope you make a decision that works for you.

If you ever want to talk, I'd love to talk to you.

[jjjjmom]

You can do it Loveccl. I raised my daughter alone and I just adopted my little boy and have 3 other foster sons. It's not easy, I don't make a lot of money but I did managed to finally buy a house 2 years ago and we are doing okay. Like I said, we don't have a lot of money but my kids don't know that, they are just happy children. I belive in God and I know that He will never leave me. Your baby is going to bring you so much happiness, nothing will seem so difficult after he is born. Congratulations!!!

[Tigger27]

You can do whatever you set your mind to, I did place twice as you can see by looking at my signature and you can always click the link to read my story if you want to read my story of how I placed twice.

I placed first when I was 25 and then again when I was 27 and now I'm 30 about to turn 31 in June and getting married to the right guy...finally...in a little less than 3 weeks so what I did worked best and was the best for me and my girls in my situations, but it's not always the best choice for everyone.

Good luck and know we're always here for you.

[Mommytinkerbell]

I have to say that I find it interesting that so many of the posters here aren't really hearing Loveccl. It seems that most of the posts are cheering her on to parent when she doesn't feel confident enough to do that right now. She sounds like she knows her limits.

Parenting IS hard, it DOES cost alot --of time, money, patience, sacrifice-- things that perhaps she feels aren't aligned at this time for her. I know that I would be afraid to do it alone without many resources and especially without family support. Lord knows that it truly does take a village to raise a child.

Loveccl, I do not ever want to tell anyone what they should do. I only want to say that if you are swaying toward placing your baby after considering all the things you said you considered already, then maybe that is what you should do. You certainly don't want to find yourself unable to care for him and have him end up needing a different placement later on. That would be much harder on him than placing him at birth.

The truth is you can't listen to anyone here as far as MAKING the decision. That has to be you. All you. And you can do it, you can decide. You are the only one who knows what is best for your baby.

I'm praying for you and I know you will do the right thing, whatever that may be.

Hugs to you and good luck in whatever you decide, Selina