[RobGraham411]

I'm an adult adoptee, 22 years old.

Do any of you have advice on how I should contact the lady who I think gave birth to me?

Peace

Rob Graham

[Hei2005]

Firstly, make sure she is your b.mother rather than "think" because getting it wrong could hurt you both. Secondly, make sure you're ready for it..emotionally and mentally. x

[SuddenlySusan]

It can be a bit difficult trying to figure out how to approach the woman you think might be your natural mom. This is a link to a thread on the Search & Reunion forum under "Making Contact." It gives some general guidelines:

~Contact Etiquette~

If you care to share some more information, you might receive more specific responses to your question. For instance: What steps have you taken to prepare yourself? What information have you gained that makes you think this woman could be your nmom? Do you have a support system...friends, relatives, online buddies?

Personally, I would suggest working on a letter first. Write it, put it away for a couple days, then reread it and rewrite it if you feel the need to do so. While you are working on your letter, put some energy into working on yourself a bit. By that, I mean try to gain an understanding of the dynamics surrounding the adoption experience.

A helpful book is "The Adoption Reunion Survival Guide" by Julie Bailey & Lynn Giddens. This book can be hard to locate, but you can usually find a copy on Amazon.

I am in reunion with my 36 y/o son, and things are going great. I found him through this web site, and my daughter acted as intermediary for the initial contact (via email). My daughter had been looking for her brother for many years, and I wanted to make sure that who I found was really my son -- I just didn't think I could take the huge disappointment if it wasn't him.

However, I'm not sure what your circumstances are. If you feel comfortable, please share a little bit more.

Peace,
Susan

[belleinblue1978]

I wrote and rewrote my first letter to my first mom. Make sure it is her and don't be overwhelming.

Remember she isn't just a lady. She carried you and protected you and loves you.

I speak as both a first mom and an adopted adult that isn't TERRIBLY older than you.

[Jackiejdajda]

Small steps..

A letter/question saying "are you who I think you are?" can not be wrong.. If you are wrong so be it..

She is a grown woman and if she can not handle reunion she is going to have to learn how.. Or she is going to have to deal with it and tell you one way or another on how she wants it to go down..

Making sure you are ready is wise advice.. from one of the other posters..


Good luck.. and think positive..

Jackie