[rbjay]

Hello, I am a birthmom that just wanted to know how other b-moms searches has gone. I am at a standstill now. I have filled out every kind of search/reunion registry known to man. She turned 18 this past April and is it fair to hope she is looking too? Is it too soon? I know she is just starting her life as a young adult now.Maybe college.... I am just so anxious to meet her and see how she is doing now. I want to let her know that I do love her very much and I think about her all of the time. Its just the waiting.... I just want someone who knows what this is like to just...I don't know, vent, cry.... say yes, this is hard and here's how I'm gettin through this.

[Mommy24]

HI Robyn! Welcome to the forums! I know how you feel. My son just turned 17 and I know I still have a while to go, but anxious nonetheless. As much as I want to believe that 18 is the magic number from what I have read and seen it can be far longer than that.I try to take myself back to 18 and how crazy my life was and what was most important to me then, unfortunately it was friends and fun!

I am glad you found us, you will find lots of support here from some other wonderful First mom's that are right where you are.

PM me anytime (((hugs))

[SilverWitch]

Ladies,

Don't be too anxious. Get counseling and do some reading. No matter what you think it will be, it won't. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and hang on with your hand open.

[jlallinson]

My daughter will be 18 in September and I am already counting down the days when I can start the process. In fact, I guess by being here I already have started the process. I guess I am hoping to received a phone call in September. I have been anxiously waiting for September 2008 for a very long time. I think about what could happen, or not. I am also very nervous. That's why I am here.

[rbjay]

I know all about the nervousness in the search process! I am scared she will find me and say"Um wow uh, you are my b-mom this explains alot..." lol I hope everything will work out good for you! It is the waiting that is just torture. I went through a maternity home in Lubbock,TX that is really strict about reunions. I hope it goes alot smoother for you! Good luck and let me know how your search goes!

[Rylee45]

Boy I know how you're feeling and the anticipation of getting "the call". I did that when my daughter turned 18 years old too. I kept thinking that we'd meet when she was 18 and the agency who promised to direct her to me would do so. They never did. It was her adoptive dad who found me but that wasn't until my daughter was about to tunr 21 years old.

I put ads in the newspaper and tried to get information from the agency just to be told they were sealed records and we couldn't get anything on the adoption. That was very upsetting because I was told when my daughter turned 18 all that would be open and she could find me if I kept the files updated.

I went to court houses trying to get information but it didn't matter what I did or said or anything they said the records were closed and unless there was a GOOD reason to open them to find out what I wanted to find out, the judge would not give an ok for the order to open the records.

The waiting was the hardest thing I ever did in the reuinion situation. Every year after she was 18 and we still hadn't met I just got more depressed and more depressed. I was so excited when the contact was made.

Now however I regret having such a desire to know her and what her life had been like because it was horrible not good like I'd been promised it would be.

Like someone else said here, "Get counseling and do some reading. No matter what you think it will be, it won't. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and hang on with your hand open."

I hope things do work out for you to meet your child but really be careful of how much you expect because you may be completely horrified at what you find.

Rylee

[SilverWitch]

Now however I regret having such a desire to know her and what her life had been like because it was horrible not good like I'd been promised it would be.

That is exactly how I feel. I was so driven to find her, I even was a confidential intermediary for a while. Until a birthmother that was prepared and delighted when her daughter searched told me never to contact her again and that I had ruined her life!

Still I thought it would be different with my child. No, it is worse. No matter what I do, she blames me for her life, hates me to the point of enjoying punishing me. It is a mess.

It makes me wonder what I thought it would be like if I had just given up when I should have.

I have yet to meet or talk to a birthmother that does not feel the same way. I know that they are out there, I just have never personally met one.

I wish searchers luck, but my recommendation is to put your info out there and leave it alone. Let them find you. Some kids just don't want to be found, others just don't know what they want. Then there are the ones like mine.

Just my thoughts.

[SuddenlySusan]

Hey, I like that phrase, SilverWitch... it is truly worth pondering.

To rbjay: Everyone's situation and journey is different. Here's another perspective...

I didn't know I was "allowed" to search. The daughter I raised began a search in 1999 with info I provided, but I really thought I was doing something very wrong in providing her with the info. She actually posted here in 2000, although I didn't know that. One day in Jan 2007, I decided to search anyway. My search for my son took 2 minutes and 2 seconds, and I found a profile that he posted in 2005 on this web site.

I never knew I was allowed to search, but the day I decided that it was time to find him no matter what, I found him in 2 minutes, at the first place I looked (this web site).

He is a great young man with a wife and three children, and with an adoptive mother who has been looking for me and who welcomes me warmly, as does his adoptive sister (his adad recently passed away). We correspond regularly, have had two great visits, and are planning a reunion for extended family and his adoptive family next year. This is all so wonderful.

But, the thing is, all of this happened so fast that I didn't have much time to dwell on the "what if's" while searching.

SilverWitch gave great advice, and it's true ... no matter what you think, it's just not gonna be like that.

Spend your time reading and dealing with your issues. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... Now that you have posted info everywhere, start focusing on your own life. My son and I found each other just before he turned 36... he thinks this is a good time in his life, and I think it's a good time in mine. Might not have gone so well any sooner...something we both agree on.

Best wishes, and take good care of yourself...
Susan

[CourtneysMom]

Courntey turned 18 aug,21,2007. It looks as if people here are saying it is very diffucult to find their children ...we aren't getting what they promised? I live in Il and have not been able to find my daughter. Although I have truly just begun ..I don't think I could be disapointed in her. Outraged with a system that is broken and makes promises it can't keep. Yes. I have every bit of information except her last name. Can some one guid me in my search? Thanks!

[CourtneysMom]

I'm Sorry To Hear This Is Happened To You

[kakuehl]

Courtneysmom, have you made any progress in locating your daughter? I didn't find my firstborn until he was 32. That turned out to be a blessing because he was ready to welcome me into his life. It's been over 3 years and we are doing well. He has said that had we met when he was younger it would not have gone as well.

[CourtneysMom]

I'M HAVING A HARD TIME LOOKING EVERYWHERE. I THOUGHT I HAD GOOD INFORMATION. HER BIRTHDATE/PLACE ALONG WITH THE NAME HER ADOPTIVE PARENTS GAVE HER. THE NAME OF THE LAWYERS I USED. MY POSTS HERE SAY I HAVE 13 REPLYS BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET THEM BECAUSE I DON'T SEE THEM. I WILL NEVER LOSE HOPE THAT SOMEDAY I WILL BE ABLE TO TELL HER HOW MUCH I LOVE AND MISS HER. I'D ALSO LIKE TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS SHE MAY HAVE. OFTEN TIMES I JUST WANT TO KNOW SHE IS ALRIGHT, DOING WELL.

I KEPT MY END ON THE DEAL . I GAVE THIS COUPLE A HEALTHY PERFECT BABY GIRL AND IN RETURN THEY PROMISED TO SAVE HER LIFE BY LOVING AND PROVIDING FOR HER BECAUSE I COULD ONLY LOVE BUT NOT PROVIDE. I DON'T THINK ASKING TO SEE THAT THEY HELD THEIR END IS TO MUCH TO ASK.

I'M GLAD TO KNOW THINGS WORKED OUT FOR YOU AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS!

[kakuehl]

Courtney's mom, where does it say you have replies? Have you clicked on private messages at the top of the page?