[SchmennaLeigh]

Different milestones/ages are hard for their own unique reasons for each birth mother. I'm sorry you're struggling right now. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

[kakuehl]

As I read through this thread I realized that when D was 9 months old I was in the midst of wedding plans. 9 months was not a big milestone for me although as I may have said before, I do not think I would have married my husband that quickly had I not been hurting from the adoption.

Hang in there TGM. (You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.)

[quantum]

I hope you're managing ok TG!

more

[thanksgivingmom]

Thanks for all the thoughts and hugs everyone...I spent this evening with my 8 month old nephew, which actually helps rather than hurts....then there's always the journaling I've done for myself and for A.

It's just so helpful to know that you all are here and have been there. Thanks

[loveajax]

Tmom, I'm sorry this was a tough "milestone" for you and glad you did some things to make yourself feel better.

Just from an a mom perspective, some a moms "celebrate" their kids turning 9 mos, because they feel that they have been with the kid as long as birth mom was. I frankly think that is silly...I can "be with" DD a million years, and I will never have given her life or many of her special talents, etc. You ARE a mom to her for her whole life too.

[thanksgivingmom]

Thanks love, i think i needed to hear some of that tonight...

I've been thinking a lot about why this is bothering me so much. For some reason I feel like the longer she's with her Mom the less important the time I spent with her was from her perspective (and yes, I realize babies don't have that much perspective!) I think I just had to feel like time isn't everything and that although it was a short time we had together that I did my best...Thanks again.

[musemoon]

Another a mom chiming in. You will ALWAYS be important to her and you will become MORE important as years pass. You will always be special, because you're her mom. You cared for her for nine months, she was born beautiful and she is yours.

Adoptive parents raise our children, we love them, they are our children, but another mother gave birth to them, another mother made it possible for them to be in the world. It is OKAY for a child to have two (or more as we add in-laws etc.) mothers. It is okay to have more love than less.

If an adoptive mom denies a child their birth/first mother they take away a child's ablility to see thier biological family. They take the "them" away from them. I know that my kiddo is part of me, I feel it, but she is also part of her birth family and I wouldn't want to deny that to her. We will give them anything they want....why not give them that?

Your child is adopted, why can't you watch them grow up? It is okay...like I said to have more love than less.

I wish my daughter did have a chance to know her first family and maybe she will one day....but it doesn't make her less my daughter and neither does adoption make your daughter less yours.

We are both parents to our daughters, just in different ways.

[kakuehl]

TGM,
In my case, there is still a bond between D and me, even though I did not see him again for 34 years. As I've said other places, our relationship is unique. Our "baggage" is different from the baggage between D and his amom. Yes the intervening years have contained lost of pain, but also many joys. Today, I work at just taking each day as it comes. (I don't do that well. LOL!)