[gemini678]

Hello,

I am a 29 yr old adoptee. I'm curious about something and figured what better place to ask this than right here.

When you gave your child up for adoption, were you given the choice to leave an object with that child?? If so, did you choose to leave anything?? If you chose not to leave anything, what was the reason?? Also, if you learned today that your child still held on to that object, how would that make you feel?? Would you be moved by this??

I just wanted the point of view from birthmoms, I hope this isn't out of line.

[kakuehl]

Gemini,
Of course it's not out of line.

I was not given the option of leaving something for my son. (I was not even told I was allowed to name him!) Had I left something for D and found that he still had it and that it meant something to him, I would be both touched and pleased.

[josh1788smom]

Hi Gemini - My son is 18. I named him and brought him home with me. I was 17. Due to my parents' passive aggressive "support" they forced me to call my dad's relatives who were unable to have a child at the time. They came to get him. I sent all his stuff with him. He was 5 weeks old. I kept a few sleepers and a t-shirt. I still to this day have them. I don't know if his family ever did anything with the stuff I sent. They did keep his first name, only changing his middle and last names.

[thanksgivingmom]

I wasn't given the option of leaving anything with DD when I placed her last November.

If given the option, I would have done so, and like Kathy would be very touched if she found meaning in that item that carried on to adulthood.

[Christmas]

Yes, Gemini678..I left with my daughter numerous things. A small wooden cross, cards, posters, clothes, toys, and a huge poster wrapped in a a bow with a little 'children's story' I had written, as if in a 'goodbye' message and 'hello' to your new mommy and daddy. It was quite touching, and I sure hope she loved the little children's tale.

Of course I would be moved to hear if she had kept any of those items, it would be as if..over these vast years and 'centuries as it seems'...'tides turning in and out..and moons changing every month'..that through it all..there was still a symbol of 'temperamentalness' between the thoughts and feelings of us...one to the other. Yes, this would be very touching.

[keds]

Hi Gemini, I wrote a 10 page letter to my son explaining my reasons for placing him and inviting him to contact us (I married his dad 5 years later). Along with the letter was a teacup and tea for his mom (I figured she would need a break as well as a sleeper set with blanket. We're new to reunion and I'm not sure the "gifts" were passed on but he brought the letter I wrote with him to our second meeting (he was too nervous at the first one). I was so happy that he had it and I could tell that it was well read over the years (I also noticed how much better my penmanship was). As Kathy said, to know that an object was kept is wonderful and brings a smile to my face. All the best.

[gemini678]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for replying. I found the stuffed animal that was left with me. I thought I had lost it but while packing, I found it. I wondered if H would remember what she had left with me, if it meant anything to her.

I must admit, over the years, that one stuffed animals brought out so many emotions. I've thrown it, cried on it, stomped it and many other things. I was relieved when I found it but can't explain why.

[TexasPuppy]

Hello. I was not given the option to give anything to my birthdaughter. Thinking back now, I wish I could have because my grandmother had taught me to crochet and I could have made her a blanket or something but oh well.

If I had been able to give her something to take with her and she had kept it through all these years, I would be thrilled to think/find out that it meant something to her. Maybe someday I will be able to make her something.

[lahdh4]

On the day that we signed TPR I gave E a blanket that I had made the fall before and it had covered me through out a New England winter.
I don't know if they still have it. I don't know what has become of it but if J ever brought it up when she is older I would feel happy that she thought to keep it.

[Rylee45]

I wasn't given the option of giving my daughter anything. I also didn't know at the time I had the right to hold her until the papers were signed or that I could have named her on the original birth certificate.

If I had given her something and she still had it because it meant something to her, I think I would have been so happy and it would have touched me.

As it is though, the kind of person she turned out to be, even the journals I gave her that I'd written letters to her in to give when she and I ever met didn't mean anything to her.

She never read them and the journals were left in a place she lived when we met and were trashed. That hurt a lot. She really wasn't interested in anything I had to say or do because I wasn't the kind of person she thought I'd be. She thought I'd be rich and famous or at least rich.

When I turned out to be poor and living in a mulit-family home, it really upset her and it wasn't good in her opinion.

She and I had a great relationship though after the initial stuff but now we don't even talk anymore because of her amom. But that's all be said on other threads so I won't go into that here.

Rylee

[SuddenlySusan]

Hi, Gemini,

I surrendered my firstborn son in 1971, during the closed era. I was not offered any options of any kind, and so I was not able to leave anything for him. I have been in reunion since January 2007, and just came back from my first F2F.

While I think it would have been heartwarming if "R" had kept something I left for him, the most important thing was that he accepted me for who I am today, and welcomed me into his life.

For awhile I thought I would be able to keep "R" with me, and had material and patterns for baby clothes. I held onto those items until around a year ago. I felt tortured whenever I came upon them in the closet and touched them, so I finally let go of them. It wasn't too long after that I found a profile "R" posted on this website.

I wish that I still had the material and patterns, I guess to show "R" that I kept what I felt was a piece of him with me. But now I have "R" back in my life. Still, it would have been nice to share that with him.

Peace,
Susan

[quantum]

I left a letter for my son which his aparents gave to him on his 18th birthday.
I guess one nice thing about that is that he did start to make an effort to search for me after reading that. It didn't get very far (he's a guy, he has school and friends etc) but he was super glad that I looked for him when he was 21.

[sstuart]

I was able to write my Bdaughter a letter and I also gave her a necklace that I was given for my confirmation. My regret is that I did not make a copy of the letter I sent her. I am still hoping for a reunion some day.

[Karen1977]

I have been making a scrapbook for my son filled with letters and poems, pictures of me and his bfather and his ultrasound pictures. I told the Amom how important it was for me to know he would see it and she brought me to tears when she asked me if I would laminate the pages so she could start showing it to him when he was a baby. I am so relieved that he will always have that part of me and that he can read the letters and will know how hard my decision was and how much I love him.

[krystabelle]

Hey, I was able to leave things for my daughter to have. There were clothes I'd been given for Finleigh, some stuffed animals, and books. But there was really only a couple of things that were from me only. Pooh Bear and the Winnie the Pooh book I read to her most nights before I'd go to bed.
I still want to put together an album with family photos for her.
I'm was blessed to be able to do that.
I hope she's fond of that book or the bear... it would delight my heart.
Golly I miss her right now...