[quantum]

GREAT! Please keep us updated!
I'm SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by ateeamom

I just wanted to give you all an update. I sent a very generic "genealogical request" letter to my birthmother last Monday. It had my birthday and town I was born in so she'd know it was me, but otherwise it was fairly generic. Well, she called me yesterday!! The same day she received the letter!! She kept saying over and over how much she loves me, that I'm her little girl, and that she can't wait to see me!! She told her children (ages 30 and 33) today. They are in shock, but immediately called me and welcomed me into the family. So now I know my birthmom, sister (which they all say I look exactly like!), and one of my brothers. The other brother lives out of state and they'll tell him soon. Everyone is ready to jump on a plane and come see me. They are all so happy to have me in their lives and have made me feel more welcome than I ever could have imagined. I wish this feeling for all adoptees who are searching. Thank you all so much for your advice and support.

Wow, that is so amazing, so much more than I could dream could happen for you. I think everyone watching this post will be more than happy to hear from you as to how it all goes for you. Love and (((hugs))) and warm congratulations, my, that is an amazing response!

[susieloo]

have just read the the thread...I am sooooooooo happy for you. Wow.
I originally wrote a letter to the a.parents.I asked them to tell her ,to never worry about rejection, as that would never happen, and I was contacted next day by a.mum.
I can imagine that fear of rejection stops so many people from searching.
We met a year later...I was ecstatic. But after each visit in those early days I would come down with an extreme headache after she left. The intensity is huge!! Her a.mum told me that the same thing happened to bdaughter when she got home.
Take care of yourself through this . I am so excited for u
Susie

[ateeamom]

My birthmother and sister and flying up here to meet me next Thursday. They have all been so accepting, so loving, so caring- that it scares me. I don't know if I can handle it. Which is so stupid because isn't this every adoptees dream? A birthfamily who has completely accepted you as one of their own from the moment they found out. A birthmother who says how much she loves you, how this reunion is all about you, how if you ever decide you don't want a relationship that she will handle it and there is no pressure. Birthsiblings who are so excited to have another sister. Who are in almost daily contact via phone and email and want to get to know you so bad. Who can't wait to meet you. Who say they love you- all of this even though they didn't even know you existed a few short days ago. It's so overwhelming. I feel like I'm crumbling. One second I'm excited and thrilled, the next I want to call the whole thing off and go back to how it was before I knew they existed.

I've had enough wits about me to set up some boundaries. That I will have a day alone with my bmom before my sister flies in the next day. That they will stay in a hotel instead of at my house. That I don't want some huge, clinging hug and cry fest at the airport. I'm terrified. I seriously considered reimbursing them for their VERY expensive last minute plane tickets and telling them to stay home. God, I'm so ridiculous! My sister has set up 3 counseling appointments for my bmom before she gets here. My bmom is having a really hard time with guilt right now. She was lied to about the adoption (who my aparents would be). The adoption was actually illegal. And I had a crappy childhood- I haven't gotten into the gory details, but when she asked me on the phone during our first conversation if I had a happy childhood, I hesitated, then told her that my amom was an alcoholic and a drug addict, and couldn't take care of herself, much less me. And that information has crushed her. I'm afraid of killing her (literally) with the truth. See, she has lupus and stress affects her something horrible. Have any of you bmoms found out your children had bad childhoods? How did you react? What could have been said/done to lessen the blow (if that's even possible)? Would you want to know the whole truth?

[quantum]

((((ateeamom))))

I think these mixed feelings are completely normal. It does sound like you're getting overwhelmed with how your birthfamily feels! I know I've personally held back about my feelings because I don't want to overwhelm my birthson!
That said, it sounds like you're keeping together, holding boundaries. Maybe it's not a bad thing to remind everyone that you have the rest of your lives to get to know each other?
Just take it easy, try to relax and enjoy getting to know your birthfamily! Sounds like they live some distance away so it's not like they'll be 'dropping by' for dinner all the time or anything, right? You will be ok!
Remember, whatever you feel, it's normal!

Ok as to knowing everything, personally I would and do want to know everything, good and bad! about my bson. It took a few weeks of emailing before he told me some things, maybe there is more, I don't know yet!

Good luck with everything and please keep us informed!

[so-empty]

Originally Posted by ateeamom

Have any of you bmoms found out your children had bad childhoods? How did you react? What could have been said/done to lessen the blow (if that's even possible)? Would you want to know the whole truth?

i have not hear dof her childhood yet, she is still a baby so i guess it hasnt even happened yet,...but I know I would be crushed if I heard that becuase the reason I,and most birthmoms I have spoken, to gave up their children was because they wanted better for them then they themself could provide, I think you should tell her the truth relshionships built on lies is alot like a house built oon the sand, unstable and wont last long, how ever the truth doesnt not have to be ever gory detail and I am sure you had some happy moments maybe you could mention them and let her know that you know it is not her falet and do not hold her responsable at all and that you are grown up now and that although it was hard it is over and you are happy and well ajusted now.

well hope it helps sorry I couldnt give better advice
best oof luck