[so-empty]

Hello to everyone out there I just need someone to tlak to who can understand how I feel I chose, (well i kind of had to I have no money no job and havent finished high school and am alone). to give up my baby at birth it has been over a month now and everyday gets worse I miss her so so much ... she still isn't in her home she is in a foster home ( I have her home picked out it is just where i live there is a 30 day appeal period from the time the court says the adoption can happen) I feel so guilty that she isn't with someone who loves her yet and I want her so badly that i dont want to get up in the morning i don't want to face anyone anymore I try but most of the time i just break into tears I feel like I am going insane and I feel so stupid for feeling this way because I know I never knew her ( I held her and was with her for about a week intill she left the hospital) but I still love her and I knew I was gonna give her up so I tried not to but I can't help it and I feel so quilty for giving her up yet I know I would not be able to live with myself if I kept her because I am too young and could not provide a good life for her but how am I gonna live with out her and knowing that i gave her to people i dont even know?...? I am so worried about her future and how she will be and if her parants will love her ... and they said on thir profile they were willing to have an open adoption ( send me letters and pictures and arrange a meeting if she wishes when she is old enough) but what if they don't... and even if they do it isnt the same I just want to give up nothing seems possable anymore and I want to write a letter for when she goes for them but what am i gonna say i have started it a millon times it never comes out she is all i ever think about.

sorry if that makes no sense i just had to tell someone ... has anyone ever felt like this will it ever get any better?

[Rylee45]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. When I gave my daughter up for adoption I cried and cried until my eyes were blistered from whiping the tears away.

Although it's not easy it will get easier as time passes. You'll still cry and you'll still hurt and worry and all the other stuff but it will pass eventually.

I was 17 years old when I gave my daughter up. That was in 1976. We've met but well, it's been like a rollar coaster ride with my emotions about everything.

If you can, get those pictures the adoptive parents are willing to give you. I would have given anything to have that when my daughter was given up.

It was hard not knowing anything about her. Although you have this pain right now, and don't feel like doing anything or facing anyone, I think it will help the healing process to take advantage of the offers when they come in for some type contact.

My heart breaks for you. I so remember my depression and feelings when I signed the papers and couldn't see my daughter again until she was 21. You are going through so much of what I went through emotionally.

I hope you'll be ok. I wish I could help you through this. Just know you're not alone with this.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

Rylee

[susieloo]

how old are you so empty.Iam a birthmum,had my baby in 1979 and 10 years in reunion. I dont want to give you advice,more to provide my thoughts so you can make an informed choice for the future. Have you signed the papers yet. Can you go get her. is it too late for all this. what suport is there from ur family.sorry so many questions but after 28 years of greiving for my daughter I wouldnot advise adoption unless every avenue has been explored. This is a little baby,who will love you unconditionally, no matter how much money you have. I married and three more children after my little girl was relinquished...supposedly the right thing to do. Life has still been tricky, financially hard and i so often think how I could have coped bringing up my daughter. Not saying I dont love the family i have but i grieve still, even after reunion. ts left a huge dent in my psyche..deppression included.if you can answer some of my questions i can be more informed as to what the hurdles are for. You have come to the right place..sum very amazing people out here totally knowing what you are going thru.looking forward to your reply. susie

[keds]

so-empty, I feel for you and can't tell you what to do or offer you much in the way of advice. It's a very hard choice and one you should make after getting as much information on your alternatives. Just watch the 30 day period as I missed out by 1 day! Although, for my bson, I made the best decision for him. For me, not so much but I'm just into reunion and can see that neither he, nor his bdad (my husband) would have enjoyed the success and had the same opportunities if I had made a different decision. Would I do it over again? For them, yes, me, no but that would be very selfish of me. Not every adoption works out as you can read on the forums but I was blessed in my bson had great aparents.

I'm not sure how open adoption works but from what I've read on the forums they can be "closed" at any time. You might want to look into that more carefully. Ultimately, you have to do what is right for you and your child. As for writing the letter, I believe the main reason my bson came looking for me was because of the 8 page letter (my gosh I'm wordy) that I wrote to him. Yes, it took several drafts but I started out being honest and told him how I felt, that I wanted him to have every opportunity and that I loved him very much and that was reflected in me placing him for adoption rather than raising him myself as I KNOW that it was the right thing for US (no matter how hard the last 27 years have been for me, I still believe it). I also asked that if and when he was ready that he look me up as I would always think of him and worry and wonder.

I have friends who have made different decisions, one raised her child and one had an abortion and all I can tell you is that there is no easy decision. Just get as much information as you can, take the time you need and don't ever look back and think "What if" - that has caused me more guilt over the years than anything else. Best of luck and whatever decision you make will be the right one for you! Take care.

[StacyKelly2]

I read your posting and my heart goes out to you. I cannot even imagine what a birth mom goes through-You will always love your little angel, and you are always her birth mom-Nobody can ever change that. I really wonder however if you thought this through fully before you chose adoption. Adoption is such a courageous and loving choice- but one you yourself should be at peace with. As an adoptive mom I only know the other side of the adoption plan- and we are so very, very blessed!!! The birth mom of our son we still communicate with and all the promises we made to one another we have kept. Ours was a private adoption-we attended all the doctor's appoinments, and the delivery- Words cannot even begin to describe the love we have for our little angel!!! He is our world- and we know without the birth mom this was not possible for us. Our long awaited prayers were answered the day she chose us. We witnessed first hand at the delivery the love she has for her baby- There is never a doubt in our mind the love she has for her son!! We will be so proud to tell our son of his birth mom - For us she was our angel- Sadly though I have seen some adoptive parents not hold up their promises to birth moms, and I feel that is so sad. Maybe you can talk to the adoptive parents, and tell them of your fears. We also had a 30 day waiting period, however the baby was placed with us not foster care. You have to follow your heart and do what is best for your little angel. I remember forever worrying over the birth mom-she told me it was hard at the very beginning, but she feels at peace now knowing her son is just so loved!!! Knowing she is at peace makes us feel better. Please if you need someone to listen or have questions you can pm me. God Bless

[mom2GRLC]

I'm so sorry your heart is breaking. What a difficult time this must be for you.

I can say that I've been a foster parent for over 5 1/2 years and I loved EVERY kid that came into my home with ALL my heart.

So while your baby isn't with it's forever family yet....I'm sure it's with others who love it dearly and are treasuring every second the baby is with them. Babies are so special and it's hard not to fall completely in love with them...because just like you said....no matter how hard you try not to....You DO.

You've made a very couragous decision to place your baby for adoption. I'm sure that loss will be felt for the rest of yoru life but I hope it does get easier to bear with time.

May God be with you during this difficult time!!

ps. I'm sure it will be very difficult to write that letter....but please try your hardest to write it and to put everything in it that you want/need to say and also include a picture of yourself...or one where your holding your baby(if you have one). I'm sure your little one will cherish that letter and picture forever.

God Bless!!!