[Tigger27]

I was talking about some things with a friend the other day and they asked me what other words are used besides "Birthmother"?

So, I was wondering what other names or title you have heard or use for "Birthmother"...These are the ones that I could think of that I think are some of the most common ones used...

Birthmother
Firstmother
Lifemother

Are there any others that you can think of or that you use or have heard used that aren't derogatory?

[taramayrn]

I have heard Tummy Mommy. That one makes me want to vomit, but I know some bmoms who are fine with it.

[TCSMom]

Natural mother

[Emster]

tara--
I've heard Tummy Mommy used to help little ones understand a little bit better who carried them, etc. I'm interested to know what the most offensive part of htat is for you...

Don't want to promote that one if its terrible. is it that it reduces a person to JUST the vessel that carried the baby with no emotional tie??

Just curious.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Well, you're also going to have to write Birth Mother/Birth Mom, First Mother/First Mom, etc because some don't like the name written together as they feel that it negates the mothering part by changing the entire word.

Tummy Mummy is a good book but I don't prefer it. The book is one I suggest to all families in domestic adoption but, again, I understand that its use is for children to understand so I have no problem with it.

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

I have heard Tummy Mommy. That one makes me want to vomit, but I know some bmoms who are fine with it.

I'm curious as to why that bugs you, too. I don't use it with my son, just because I don't like the cloying sound of it, but it seems to me like a reasonably good way to explain things to a little kid.

I say "birthmother" occasionally to my son, but mostly we just say "Melissa," like "Before you came to live with me, first you grew in Melissa's tummy and then Melissa took care of you."

(But he doesn't ask many questions about her---it's his bfather he's really interested in, and the line between birthfather and 'daddy' is much less clear and more emotionally fraught for him. I wish there were some equivalent of 'tummy mommy' for birthfathers, but I don't know if I want to be that graphic!!)

[Tigger27]

Yeah, Natural Mother and Tummy Mommy are others that I've heard also.

Good point, Jenna, that it needs to be written as birth mother/ birth mom and first mother/first mom etc.

I was really just curious is all, but thanks for the input so far from all of you .

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by Emster

tara--
Don't want to promote that one if its terrible. is it that it reduces a person to JUST the vessel that carried the baby with no emotional tie??

Yeah, that's it. Also I remember when Rosie O'Donnell had her talk show and she used to talk about her children's adoption and how she explained it to them. She referred to their birthmoms as their "tummy mommies" and how they were born in the wrong tummy and God realized his mistake and gave them to her to raise.

So, I suppose I connect the two together and I just want to vomit. I don't think I ever had a problem with the use of tummy mommy before Rosie talked about her kids and how she explained adoption to them.

Remember this is a name I don't like, however, if it works for you, your child and your child's bmom then please continue to do so.

[Emster]

okay, when you put it in the context of the rosie comments, makes me kind of want to vomit too.. What was she thinking??

[SallyLF]

I use biological mother, actually biomom, sometimes. It's self explanatory and easier to type. Biodad would work too.

I've also heard natal mother used. And original mother.

[browneyes0707]

[quote=taramayrn]Yeah, that's it. Also I remember when Rosie O'Donnell had her talk show and she used to talk about her children's adoption and how she explained it to them. She referred to their birthmoms as their "tummy mommies" and how they were born in the wrong tummy and God realized his mistake and gave them to her to raise.
quote]

Ugh, Because I needed another reason to dislike Rosie!! That's an awful way to describe adoption to a child!!! That offends me way more than the phrase "Tummy Mommy"would! (which is fine at age 3, not so much at age 10 KWIM?)

[InBlindFaith]

In the beginning I was referred to as Biological Mother. I have also been called Natural Mother.

I'm comfortable with Birth Mom. I tried out First Mother, but I felt awkward.

Whenever DD and I meet she can call me whatever she wants.

[Hey Nonny]

This is such a hard one... I don't know if you want amoms to reply...

Some aparents don't like 'first mom" because it makes them the "second mom" and they don't like 'natural mom" because it makes them "un natural", etc. Just like some moms don't like birth mom / birthmom b/c they feel that it means they "just gave birth", etc. This one is so loaded because someone is going to have their feelings hurt.

Personally, I have no problem being the unnatural mom or the second mom or the whatever mom... it doesn't change what it is, right? My kids have two moms. Period. I get to have them every day to raise them but their other moms (even when they aren't physcially present or otherwise involved in their lives) are a HUGE part of our family. I usually just say "mom" when I talk about their other mothers because that is what they are. There ARE times when we need to differentiate between the two of us (like in this post). I just use whatever word THEY like.

I know that some families call the mom's by their first names, but I don't really like that. My kids call my friends and certian other adults by their first name and their mom's are more special than those people and I wanted them to have their own title. I have a feeling that at some point my kids will decide what they want to call them and that will be ok too.....

My kids are still little so it isn't actually an issue yet, but my son calls his mom his "special mom" (a phrase he came up with on his own..) but he can't really say it so it sounds like "pisha mom" and now he has just shortened it to Pisha. He refers to her as Pisha and calls her that when he talks to her. It is kind of a name that means nothing to anyone else but is special to him and her. My daugher has referred to me as his "every day mom" or "the mean mom". How is THAT for kids speaking the truth? Sometimes these things resolve themselves....