[PackDaddy]

I feel birth dads are very much ignored in the adoption equation. I am an adoptive dad and know the process was just as hard on the b-dad as the b-moms. Our b-dad has been just as involved since the adoption as anyone. And a matter of fact he will be spending this weekend with us. Our daughter is very excited.

So I just wanted to say thank you to all the birth dads out there!

[Rylee45]

I'm glad that you're child's birthdad is such a good one but I have to disagree with you about the adoption being as hard on the birthdad as the birthmom.

Most times the bdad just skips out on the girl and is why she (not all obviously but more than you think) give their child away because the dad skipped out when he found out she was pregnant.

That's part of the reason (besides being forsed by my parents and other circumstances) I had to give my child up because he skipped out and lied and ruined my life. He was my first and he made me believe lies like he loved me and I was his only bla bla bla and when I got pregnant that's the last I heard of him until my daughter and I reunited and when he met her he skipped out on her again and that was the last we've heard from him. That's been almost 13 years now since the reunion. I also heard that he'd had at least 5 other children born around the same time my daughter was born. He skipped out on all of them too.

There are more birthdads who don't want to take responsibility for their child than you can imagine. It's not as hard on them. They don't carry the baby for 9 month getting used to that little body moving inside them and bonding to a certain degree, they don't go through the intense pain of delivery and then have to hand their child to someone else who for whatever reason can't have children or doesn't want to go through the process of being pregnant.

My daughter's adoptive mom had other bio children before she adopted my daughter but she just didn't want to go through the birth process again so adopted instead. Then abused my daughter and is still abusing my daughter.

I don't mean to get on you about the post you did. I just believe that your child is one of the lucky one to have a birthdad who cares. I hope the birthmom is just as involved. I hope the birthdad continues to be there for your child.

But you do have to know (IMO) the reason they aren't given so much credit or whatever is because they do run out and they leave the girl/woman and often times claim the child isn't even theirs and skips out. In my personal opinion, MOST (not all) birthdads couldn't care less. They are more intersted in the next conquest and they are relieved not to have to pay child support for the child they helped create when the adoption is final.

Rylee

[PackDaddy]

Sorry to hear all of that Rylee. I am obviously talking about the birthdads that were there and have done the right things. I don't think too many absent birthdads will be surfing this site. And yes being a birthdad can be just as tough for some with very little to none of the support that is available to birthmoms. Scumming acting parents(bio or adopt) are not limited to the dads so don't go painting with such a broad brush. It's a fact that there is much more support systems available for b-mom's than b-dads maybe if more were available more b-dads would be better involved.

Both bio-parents (and families) are very involved with our daughter and I believe it's good to get positive open adoption stories out there. To try to give hope to others as well as be a model and inspiration.

Again sorry for what happened to you and hope God will touch you and your child.

[susie_book]

I know absent or villainous birthdads exist, but just to provide another counter example, my son's bdad is now Mr. Book; we visit together, he was supportive during the pregnancy, and we decided on adoption together. And it's true--the agency seemed to have no idea of how to deal with him. Maybe the decent, upstanding bdads are just that rare. Packdaddy, I'm glad your daughter has a good 'un. =)

[Xdad]

of course these opinions are based on experience. Please don't assume exactly how tough this is for either side. I could be offended, but there is no value in that.
Sometimes to have for nine months is better than not at all.

[loveajax]

PackDaddy, I just wanted to give some "props" to my DD's birth dad as well. He was a great dad to his older daughter when DD was born, he supported DD's birth mom (now his wife) when she was pg and was unsure whether or not he was the dad (long story), told her he would support whatever decision she made, etc. I love seeing DD with him, because he is so much fun.

To tell you the truth, I actually have more in common with him than DD's birth mom (though she is great as well). Sometimes I forget how hard this has been on him as well, and I know he is the "rock" for DD's birth mom (they are married now and have another daughter). So anyway, thanks for this nice post!

[Janeytwo]

It's a fact that there is much more support systems available for b-mom's than b-dads maybe if more were available more b-dads would be better involved.

If a particular subsection of the population feels that they are under-represented here there is a simple solution. They can do what every other male/female member of this site did in order to find this place.

Type in "adoption" on any search engine and join whatever site they feel interests them.

It's called point-and-click technology and it's available to anyone with a computer.

[Heartland_Song]

I think the bad b-dads overshadow the good ones all too often. The b-dad for my own daughter is almost ashamed to see how few men stand up and take responsibility for what they've helped create. Mine, too ( we're still together ) was very supportive, and continues to be so, and I know that the process--particularly giving up our parental rights--was just as painful for him as it was for me.