[maxattak]

I was 17 and his mother was 16 when our birthson was born. I'm 34 now. We put him up for an open adoption. His mother receives pictures and letters every now and then and keeps me posted about whats going on in his life. I never wrote him because I was scared and I'm still scared that if I write him now it won't matter to him. I found his myspace last year but it's set to private so I can't read about him unless I ask to be his friend. Come to find out we live in towns about 10 miles apart. What a small world huh. Would I be wrong for trying to contact him through myspace? I don't want to intrude on his life. I know I can't offer half of what his parents give to him but I know I'll always have more love in my heart for him than any other person. It don't help me either that he's my only child out of 3 marriages and the way it is it will stay that way. His not being in my life has always eatin away at me but I know he's been well taken care of and has grown up to be a fine young man. His whole life I've wanted to find him. Now that I have I don't know how to proceed. Is there any suggestions out there about what to do?

[Dickons]

Write him a letter...just realize he is only 17/18 so may or may not respond right away and could even be angry - it all depends on his personality and what he has been told. It may take time or he could just be waiting for you to make the first move.

Doing nothing, results in nothing.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[zxczxcasdasd]

In general, I don't recommend contacting minors on facebook or myspace without their parents' knowledge and consent. At his age, if you wish to have personal contact you should contact his parents first, maybe with a letter like Dickons suggested to introduce yourself and to express your wish to open communication with him. You could potentially even include a letter just for him and ask his parents to pass it on. Or ask his parents to call you to open things up and have a chat with them.

If and when he's over 18 you don't "have to" go through his parents, but do consider factors such as whether he is still in high school, living at home with his parents, his maturity and what his expressed wishes are.

In time, after a relationship is established, or after he's no longer a minor, myspace could be a way that you keep in touch, but I don't think it's the right way to make first contact with a minor, imho.

FTR, I am an adoptive mother and my son was contacted online when he was 17 and it didn't go well for ANY of us, birth or adoptive. He felt "stalked" and rejected the attempt, I was unsettled at the attempt to circumvent us as his parents, and in general, everything went, well, SNAFU is a good way to put it. Later, when the time was right, my son opened up to communication and they talked and met shortly after he turned 18. Had the first contact been a little more discreet or respectful or perhaps even just come when he was a bit older, I think we could have all avoided those months of so much angst between us all.

It sounds like his parents have honored their open adoption commitment all these years, so that confirms for me that they are the best place to start for this at this time.

Not everyone agrees with this, but it's just my humble opinion. Best wishes to you.