[shell50]

My husband fathered a child 22 years ago, not planned and found out when the child was 4 he was a father. 22 years later because i had found my birth mother i found the child and we contacted the mother. Complicated story. Is there any counselling service in the UK to help him through this?

[cobbles]

My husband fathered a child 22 years ago as well and we were reunited with his b.daughter 2 1/2 years ago. It was a very complicated time for us and we were completely emotionally overwhelmed. I felt invisible in the reunion equation and was pretty much told that I didn't matter (by birth-daughter). I know it is a hard time. The only advice I can quickly give is to slow down. Reunion is not a race. No one has to put 22 years into a few weeks nor in a few months. There is a lifetime to get to know one another. I do have some advice for your husband though. That is...to put you first. You are the one with an already established relationship with him therefore it is your relationship that is important. When b. daughter and I had a conflict she fully expected him to side with her and when he didn't she was really put out but it did let her know that there were boundaries. That is another important thing. To set boundaries. I hope this is at least a bit helpfull.
cheers.