[MamaS]

Today Dr Phil has a birthfather as guest. The bfather is trying to reclaim his daughter who was put up for adoption against his wishes. If you can't see it, you can read the transcript on the Dr. Phil website.

[Jackiejdajda]

I watched that show..
It is beyond wrong what happened to that man.. and I think Dr Phil’s best question was to the father of the woman that relinquished..
The question of..”Who appointed you the judge?”

Its such a difficult situation.. What if the father of the relinquished child is an addict and not able to parent? And what if his mother is not going to be a good parent..

And then I look at the fact that the family of the birthmom can visit the child and the fathers family can not..

Jackie

[kelceesmom]

It was disturbing. I didn't want to judge but the young girls family didn't really "place" the baby with an unknown adoptive family. It was a friend of the family and they will get to see her wheneve they want. That's pretty lucky for them. I know the man has a checkered past but doesn't he deserve to prove that he has changed? He should at least be able to see this baby too as she does.

I know there are factors to this story but just from what I heard everyone deserves second chances.

[BrandyHagz]

I know the man has a checkered past but doesn't he deserve to prove that he has changed?

This is one of the things I've always wondered about...it seems that the only 'cure' for a checkered past is an application for adoption. I've seen countless adoptive parents post about their successful adoptions with a 'checkered past' - but that same checkered past = unfit parent when the one who has it is a potential birth parent wanting to parent.

*sigh*

I am in a bad mood this AM.

[Dickons]

I watched the program and it saddened me but at the same time I was pleased to see it on the show for the awareness it brings (wakie wakie society).

Authoritatian father + submissive mother = daughter (young mother) being manipulated into something so devastating that the pain will be felt for life, not even taking into consideration the life long consequences to the baby, poor soul (imagine watching a rerun about the events you had no control over but took your parents away).

Punitive registry laws - sounds like the perfect legal method to strip fathers of their rights put in place by society....just the ticket to make adoption process easy for families that force (by whatever method) mothers to sign away their rights. Once they have accomplished that goal the deal is done...no dealing with the father...we stripped him of his rights.

And the lawyer for the birth mother..."the supreme court has ruled that ignorance of the law is no excuse" yet she had to no idea the law existed and obviously she is a family lawyer licensed in Oregon...and she did not know so how could a young man have any clue? It is archaic and contrary to all levels of humanity.

Make sure you go to Dr. Phil's message board...the more that speak up against this the more pressure it puts on those who can change the law.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Leigh131313]

The show was disturbing to me mostly because of the girls wack-a-doo of a day. Eek.


Birthfather rights (father's rights actually) are very tricky for me.... I have very mixed feelings on them - not as an adoptive mom but as a woman. On a rational side I can say of COURSE they should have an equal say....but I honestly just don't believe it in my heart.

It's the woman that makes the choice to carry or abort. It's the woman who then follows through with the pregnancy. It's the woman who goes through labor.......Nowhere is this equal.

I'm not trying to argue..... I know my thinking doesn't sound fair, but I do believe a woman should be able to make more decisions on behalf of the child - and in cases where the father is not involved in the pregnancy, all the decisions.

I do not feel a birthmom should have to name a birthfather. She may honestly not know who it is...and what about cases of abuse/rape.

It's all very messy. I'm very conflicted.

[lovemy2boys]

What disturbes me the most is that this couple that adopted the baby MUST have known SOMETHING about this situation since they were friends of the girls' parents...

I try to put myself into the situation - if it were my DH and I who were chosen by this girl (and not as a friend of the family) would we be willing to go along with this, assuming that we knew what was happening? Absolutely not...there is no way we would willingly enter into an adoption if we knew that the father wanted custody, or was the slightest bit hesitant of the adoption plan.

Our agency's policy was to exhaust every effort to find the father (if he was not participating in the adoption plan) and have him either sign off on the adoption, or work out a parenting agreement with the mother...We wouldn't have had it any other way.

It just doesn't sit right with me that it's not necessary to name the father if an adoption plan is put into place.