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Originally Posted By Brenda

This is a rather long story, but I will try to be brief. B-dad of my two girls voluntarily relinquished his rights so that my hubby could adopt. b-dad has very severe drug problems and it was his idea that the adoption take place...my thought...the $150 per month he paid to support my girls cut into his drug money. I don't mean to be cynical, and hope he chose to do this because he knew it was the best thing. Knowing him, though...well, I had best keep this positive.

His mother is the only other surviving family member. He is an only child, and my two daughters are the bio-grandma's only grandchildren. I always wanted to keep her in the lives of my daughters, but she does not want any more contact, now that her son has relinquished rights. I encouraged her to come visit us and assured her that she could stay with us anytime, for as long as she likes (my kids are 11 and 15 and will be hurt if she leaves their lives). My only concern was that the children do not go to visit her, as the b-dad lives with her...still, at the age of 40. The kids want nothing to do with him. They are old enought to know what is going on in his life and don't approve. There has been much violence in their presence and they fear him.

Does anyone have any thoughts as to my situation? Can anyone offer insight as to why a bio-grandma would not want to keep the kids in her life, with our blessing? (we all get along...current hubby, myself, kids and "grandmother"...she even commented that she likes current hubby more than she likes her own son.)

Could it be that it is just too painful to her? Does anyone think she will come around in the future? How do I explain this to my girls...Grandmother can't be in their lives at this point? Should I even try to explain? She used to call the girls every weekend, but has not called since before Christmas. I called her on a couple of occassions, but she would not talk to the kids.

Hubby wishes no contact with that part of our girls' past...he has been their support for 5+ years, and there is mutual adoration...he is daddy in the minds of the kids and they are "his" girls. He wants to continue to raise them without interference.

Sorry to go on for so long. It is hard to sum up a complicated situation in a few sentences..especially for me!

Thanks for taking the time to read my long post. I would appreciate hearing from anyone who can offer insight and suggestions...from adoptees to extended family members; anyone touched by adoption.

Best wishes to everyone!
Brenda