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  #1  
Old 04-03-2011, 01:06 PM
ilovedeals ilovedeals is offline
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Bio Grandmom contesting adoption

Wondering about the POV on this from a biological parent or family of a biological parent. We adopted our little boy last summer. He was almost 1 at the time. His birth mom choose us, met with us a bunch of times before placement and we have a very open relationship with her. We see her pretty often, talk, etc. She tried to parent and just wanted something different for her son. She also lived with her mother at time time and didn't think it was a healthy environment for her son. Her mother isn't mother of the year- that's the nicest way to put it.

Shortly after the placement we were notified that the birth mother's mom contested the adoption and SHE wanted to adopt him. Birth mom has sinced moved out of her mother's home, she is furious and they are estranged.

We're all still waiting to go to court. All of the lawyers were doing their thing: discovery, depositions, character witnsesses etc. We should be going to court this summer.

Kinship adoptions don't require home studies, but if they did this woman would NEVER pass. Our son was appointed an ad litem who visitied with us and the bio grandmother and formally reccomended that he stay with us.

I am trying very hard to understand this grandmother's POV, but it's hard. This isn't her choice to make. Her reasons for wanting him is because she misses him. She has never asked to see him or even pictures though.
Our son's birth mom choose us and a year later has no regrets and is so upset that her mother is doing this.
Our son is thriving and happy and well adjusted and I have NO doubt in my mind we'll have a great relationship with his birth mother for the rest of our lives. It's not an OA that is forced or weird or any that. There is such a mutual respect and love and we all hope our little boy sees and feels that one day.

We can't understand why this woman feels entitled to step in and take a 2 year old boy out of his home when
he's happy and thriving and his birth parents are happy where he is.
I just don't get it. Has anyone on the biological side dealt with this before?
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  #2  
Old 04-03-2011, 06:24 PM
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RavenSong RavenSong is offline
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I guess I'm confused here about what legal rights the biological grandmother is claiming, since this seems to be a voluntary relinquishment/surrender on the part of the birth/first mother. The only time I could see this even being considered within a court of law is when the child is taken into protective custody by Child Protective Services and placed into a foster-to-adopt home. Otherwise, the first parents have the absolute right to relinquish their parental rights and consent to the adoption...without the grandparents' consent or approval.

I became pregnant at 16 and delivered my baby shortly after I turned 17. Even though I was legally a minor at the time of my child's birth, I was still considered his mother with all the legal rights that entails...including the right to relinquish without my mom's consent. Ironically, that was the only type of contract I could sign being a minor under the age of 18. By the way, I would never, ever have wanted my son to be raised by my mother. She was a toxic parent to me in those years, and I'm sure she would have been equally horrible to my baby.

Has your son's adoption been finalized yet? If so, I think you have very little to worry about. Like I said earlier, I think the only legal leg she has to stand on is if the baby was removed by CPS. Hang in there!
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  #3  
Old 04-03-2011, 07:14 PM
ilovedeals ilovedeals is offline
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We were confused too, but the bio grandmother does in fact have a legal standing. Our son's birth mom and our son lived in this woman's house for the 1st year of his life so she can say she was a primamry care giver.
That is what gives her the right to be doing this. It makes no sense to me AT ALL!!

Our son's birth mom went to an agency, choose us, and signed the papers. B-father signed as well. It was 100% voluntary. Both had their TPR last summer and both stand behind us 100%.

It's bizarre right?!?! We think it's crazy that a lawyer even took this case!
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  #4  
Old 04-04-2011, 05:31 AM
me-n-u me-n-u is offline
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G, that is confusing. If bgm was a primary caregiver.....why did the agency not deal with her in the beginning? I guess, who could see this coming if both parents signed!

I'm a firstmom and like Raven I did NOT want my DD to be raised by my mother....and if she pulled something like this........oh, the wrath!!! You did note that bmom moved out of bgm's house, is she a control freak loosing her grip on bmom????

I'm certainly no expert but I'd say that this case does not belong inside of a courtroom. And IF it did.....I'm sure bmom and bdad would be more than happy to share why they made an adoption plan for their child and chose you instead of bgm. I sure hope bmom and bdad are taking advantage of support services provided by the agency at this time.

For bgm to insert herself and interupt the adoption plan set in place by the parents is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! And makes me quite angry that this is even happening.
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  #5  
Old 04-04-2011, 05:38 AM
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wcurry66 wcurry66 is offline
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I'm confused as well. I was a kinship adoptor. We WERE required to pass a home study. What state are you located in?

Has your adoption finalized?
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:04 AM
legal legal is offline
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"Shortly after the placement we were notified that the birth mother's mom contested the adoption and SHE wanted to adopt him." OP said

Maybe this is why she has the legal right to raise her grandchild since she notified the agency immediately. Did your adoption become legal risk once you knew that the grandmom wanted him? The agency should have warned you then.
.
I would keep and raise any of my grandchildren as long as I am young enough, so I do understand that part. What I NEVER understand though, is when grandparents become estanged from their own child in favor to a grandchild in these cases.
I hope it all works out soon.
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  #7  
Old 04-04-2011, 10:27 AM
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wcurry66 wcurry66 is offline
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legal, correct, but she said the adopted last year. if it was a legal risk adoption, they shouldn't have been able to finalize.
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:53 AM
legal legal is offline
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"Shortly after the placement we were notified that the birth mother's mom contested the adoption and SHE wanted to adopt him" OP said

then later in the post she said that they were still waiting to go to court and it might be this summer.
Did I miss the finalization part? I miss alot;~)) I do read too fast some times.
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  #9  
Old 04-04-2011, 11:44 AM
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as do i, lol! when she said she adopted, i assumed she meant finalized as she used past tense (as opposed to "in the process of adopting")
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  #10  
Old 04-04-2011, 11:45 AM
ilovedeals ilovedeals is offline
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BGM was **not** a primary care-giver. Our son's birth mom was. BGM did help out, watched him sometimes etc but his birth mom was the one who took care of him. BGM's role was a grandmother and a helper. The agency reached out to her quite a few times and she ignored all of their offers to come and talk with them with her daughter there.

I am with you. I have NO idea how this is even going to court, but sadly it is. I am upset for ourselves obviously because it's expensive and stressful but I am furious that our son's birth mom has to deal with it. As if she's not going through enough. AHHHH!!!!!

And yes....she's still getting counseling. The SW checks in with her via a phone call or text or email almost every week and visits montly. Our agency really went above and beyond for her. The SW even went to a bday party for her last month which was pretty cool. We were there too.
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Old 04-04-2011, 11:46 AM
ilovedeals ilovedeals is offline
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No, we checked. No home study is needed in our state for a kinship adoption. No, we have not finalized BECAUSE of this.
We filed a petition to adopt and then BGM filed hers.
Our lawyer and hers went to court and the judge ordered that our son be appointed an ad litem. Now we're waiting for a court date to be set.
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  #12  
Old 04-04-2011, 11:51 AM
ilovedeals ilovedeals is offline
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Legal,
The b-parents signed papers and we got him that night. A few days later BGM hired a lawyer and notified the agency she wanted to adopt him and was contesting OUR adoption. Does that make sense?

Yes...I do understand that g-parents want to raise their grandkids. What I don't understand is why she thinks she has that right when the birth PARENTS of our son are telling her over and over again that that's not what they want for their son. She needs to respect their wishes IMO. It was never her child and never her decision to make. And the fact that she's fighting like this just makes her own daughter never want to talk to her again. The whole thing is sad.
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  #13  
Old 04-04-2011, 11:51 AM
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wcurry66 wcurry66 is offline
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ok, got it. thanks for the clarification.

then i understand why you are in court. i'm sure its frustrating. hang in there
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