[quantum]

What great posts!
Thanks you guys, I feel SO much better about my spirituality. So that helps.

And that's an interesting point Shadowriderer...needs...
I guess I've thought about this at times, my dad loves to point out what a hellacious small child I was. As a parent raising children now, I think he thought I would appreciate what he had to go through. What it's done though is made me realise that my needs were probably not being met by him. But I'm one of these crazy hippy types who breast fed my younger daughter until she was almost 4 and lets the kids sleep in the bed with her some of the time...;-)

As far as needs go, after two failed marriages I've gotten really good at expressing my needs to my husband! It works for us, so that's good. I'll have to make sure to teach my girls to recognise theirs. :-)

Have a great day!

[Janeytwo]

Shadowriderer Hey there!

Now, here I am years later with all this reunion stuff, asking God, "Where'd the heck you go?", and "What did I do wrong."

For me, bud, I think this stuff has been trickier than facing all the heartaches that came with my ex-husband's drinking.

I mean of course, it deals with the loss of my children so why wouldn't it be harder emotionally. But it's trickier too.

During the alcoholic years, I did have my own demons to wrestle with, but once I accepted alcoholism as a disease it made it a heck of a lot easier to come to terms with it and find peace.

With adoption, I've had so much more to consider - and all of it is so overwhelming. Acceptance of the choices I made. Learning to make peace with those choices. Acceptance of regret. The facing of extreme denial. Coming to terms with myself. It is for me - the very acceptance of my entire history.

And I imagine it must be that way for you only more so. You are having to do all that and find balance in your own life; find a way to accept yourself regardless of how those who've been your parents see you.

And I also think that for those of us who are committed to overcoming the shadow of adoption, there is the astronomical job of learning to see life from the other person's side of the fence and extend compassion. That is not a journey for the weak of heart. Not at all.

It must be me. It just seems like everything I do and say is the wrong thing. I thought I was supposed to be honest about my feelings. I thought I was supposed to be open. Isn't that how you build relationships? Apparently, that sort of thing makes people uncomfortable.

((( Shadow ))) It's not you buddy. People don't want to talk about the 'big issues' like God and death and getting in touch with who we are deep down. People want to talk about movies they've seen and their cable bill and everybody else's faults. LOL!! Try it once. Mention something about how difficult the journey of adoption is and watch people clear the room like someone just let off a huge stink in there! :-)

It might sound silly to some, but I am, dang, excited about finding this out. It was a lightbulb moment for me.

I don't think it sounds silly at all Shadow. Not at all. We are taught so many backwards things in childhood. Things that are detrimental to taking care of ourselves. Like "turn the other cheek" and "forgive and forget" and "two wrongs don't make a right". And yes, I understand the need to strive to live in peace with others but I don't remember anyone ever teaching me how to live at peace with myself first.

And so I have drummed this into my beloved daughters' heads: "To thine own self be true".

I don't want my daughters to be the doormat that I was in my younger years.

How do you go from 40 some odd years of not "needing" anyone or anything, to writing down what your needs are? Did I say this was hard? lol

:-) You do it One Day At A Time bud...one day at a time.

When I fall from perfection in their eyes, they get upset with me. They all expect me to forgive them, understand that they aren't perfect and deal with it, but can't do the same for me. When I can't be perfect for them they shut me out, or get mad, expecting me to "ask" their forgiveness.

See that's the thing. We're taught to forgive no matter what but in Recovery I learned this very important question... "Why should I?" Why should I continually have to give a piece of myself away just to keep the peace? I am wondering what it will be like for your family as you continue to change and embrace the person you've always been underneath everyone else's expectations.

Quantum Marraige is so very different isn't it, when we find the strength to be ourselves within it? It took me so many years to learn that.


Thanks for listening everybody! You guys rock!!

[shadow riderer]

Hey yall:

I’ve been thinking a lot about what Janey said in her last post. All this stuff with my reunions with my BPs, especially the stuff that happened during and after Christmas, well, it all just pushed me over the line. For the last couple of months, I have just been completely, emotionally numb. Some of the things I haven’t told you guys that pertain to me getting to this state:

The Christmas card I received from Bdad was signed with his name and not Dad, which was something he has never done in the past. That on tope of his over the top dramatic calls, not to mention the length of time between the calls, well, what else would anyone assume but that a relationship was not what he really wanted. I was really surprised I even got the Christmas cardd, two days after Christmas, and then to have it signed with his name and not dad? OH, and then there was that whole thing with him sending my Amom flowers the week before Christmas. I’m sure you guys can imagine how confusing that was and what a blow to me emotionally his behavior over the holidays, not to mention the past couple of years , has been.

Receiving that letter and package from Bmom just a few days after Bdad’s card, was just all too much. Saying I was bitter and angry was putting it nicely. It was at that time my Baunt, (Bmom’s sister, sat me down and had a talk with me. She asked me to do something I did not think I could do. She asked me not to close the door on my BPs. She asked me to throw them a line.Throw them a line? I’ve been throwing them chains, cables, and anything else you could throw for years now. What did she expect me to do that I haven’t already done? She understood all that but asked me again to not close the door on Bmom or Bdad, which surprised me, because she despises him. I went home so upset at her request. Being one not ever wanting to let another down, the next day I worked myself into such an emotional state that I seriously thought I was going to have to go to the emergency room. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t continue this crap with my BPs. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I finally called my Baunt. WE had a good talk and she understands. Actually, everyone understands except my Bps. The thing is, once you build relationships with other bio family, “closing the door” isn’t that easy. Against my better judgement, but because of Baunts request, and well, never one to give up hope, I called Bdad. It did not go well. It was more of the same drama I’ve become accustomed to with him. In the end we both agreed we wanted a relationship. Since that time, the only change is that he isn’t dumping his marital problems on me anymore, probably because I refuse to talk about his wife. Now, he calls every few weeks. He, notice I said he, talks nonstop about the weather, etc, for about 10 minutes , acting like nothing is wrong, then suddenly has a client waiting on him and has to go. (heavy sigh) Whatever. Nothing has changed. No, not one thing.

Bmom on the other hand, has done exactly as I expected. She has gone to other Bfamily, pleading her case, and trying to get sympathy from them. A few weeks ago, she came up to visit my Bsis. I didn’t hear a peep out of her the entire time she was here, not that I expected to. Bsis called me the day after Bmom left. She was extremely upset. To keep this from getting any longer, that talk I was so afraid of having with Bmom, well, Bsis had the talk for me. I’m not sure exactly what Bmom said to Bsis to set her off, but Bsis unloaded everything on her, most of which Bmom denied doing. Apparently Bmom thought her letter was enough to make me forget 20 years of slights. Bmom is upset that I am closer to other family members than I am her, even though she has never put any effort into building a relationship with me. Bsis explained everything to her, and knowing my Bsis, well, she wasn’t tactful or polite about it. Bsis apologized for telling Bmom everything. She and I had talked about it, and I didn’t want Bsis caught in the middle, even though I knew Bmom would try to put her there. Bsis told Bmom that if she wanted a relationship with me that she would have to be the one to take the first step from now on. A month has gone by since Bsis talked to Bmom, and not a peep. although, . I think I did get a Bday card in the mail yesterday. I’m not opening it until after my Bday has come and gone. I hope you guys understand, I just don’t want to deal with it and put that dark cloud over my Bday. This year my Bday is all about me and moving past this.

My BPs both have been told what they have done that has hurt me. No. They still don’t get it. OH, and no, they aren’t going away. Bdad called my husband the other day, even though I haven’t herd from him in several weeks, to ask if my husband could give him some ideas as to what to get me for my Bday. It’s a nice thought, but I understand how difficult it is to pick out a gift and card for someone you don’t know and rarely talk to on any level other than a superficial, how’s the weather kind of thing. He is still trying to play emotional games too. It’s just tiresome, and I don’t want to play anymore.

Through all this emotional disfunction with my BPs, I lost something. I lost me. I shut off emotionally from everyone, including my husband. I am so tired of being hurt and rejected that the only way I thought I could stop the pain was to just not feel. When my therapist asked me what my needs were, I couldn’t think of any because having needs meant I had to feel something. I would start on my list of needs, and when I would come up with one, I would talk myself right out of it. I would tell myself stuff like, “Get over it you big wimp.” “”Isn’t that a little selfish?” “Ha, you don’t need that. No one cares anyway.” “Get over yourself.” And my favorite self-defeating statement, “It doesn’t matter anyway. What difference will any of this make?” Guess what? I have needs. I actually know what some of them are. I had just forgotten about them. (Thank you Janey)

Last Sunday I sat down at my pedal steel guitar, and for the first time in a very,very long time, I rocked! I don’t know why. I don’t know how, because I have completely sucked for awhile now. Lol It just hit, and it freakin felt good! Monday, I went to an elderly friend’s, actually the guy who is teaching me to play, house for a lesson. We just jammed. We laughed and laughed and just played music. It was the first time in a long time either of us have “felt” good about anything. (He’s had health issues.) It may sound funny, but I got to tell you. It felt good to just feel something, and better that what I felt was joy and commoradery with my friend. I miss that good feeling. I miss me, the happy, optimistic, fun loving, adventurous, tenacious, hard-headed, strong willed, determined, enthusiastic, sometimes too blunt, speaks up when she should probably be quiet, , not so perfect, and way too independent for her own good me.

Where’d that girl go, and how’d she let herself get into this kind of funk? I want her back. I don’t know what to do in regards to my BPs. Pull back is one thing, but these aren’t new reunions. This is more like self preservation. Let’s face it. I can’t “close the door” on them. They are both too entertwined in my life through others I care about. How do I deal with these two ding-a-l ings? ( I say that with love.) How do I let go of the anger? I don’t think they are going away. I don’t know why they keep hanging on if they have no intention of being a part of my life, or haing me as any real part of theirs.

Sorry this is so long. It’s been bottled up for quite some time. As an adoptee, it’s probably something I should post in the adoptee forum. I just thought maybe you guys, being birth parents, and the fact that my Bdad is the king of codependency, could give me some insight into dealing with my BPs. I have know idea what is going on with them. It’s just mind-boggling sometimes. Thanks.

[quantum]

((((((shadowriderer)))))))

Wow. You are really having a hard time right now! I'm glad you got to let it out a bit with your friend, and I'm glad that you posted here with us.

I don't know what's going on with your birthparents. It sounds like a lot of other dysfunctional families I know (including mine) but of course complicated by all this adoption stuff and not really KNOWING them, kwIm??

Maybe you need to take some space. Some time for yourself to just let yourself breathe and figure out your needs! I guess if my son wanted to do that I would understand, but I would just want to know what's going on.

I'm afraid I don't have anything brilliant to say! I just wanted to let you know I care.

[Janeytwo]

Hey "Shadow"!!

I am meditating on your brave and wonderful post. I am going to take some Nyquil (yuch) and call it a night but never fear........I shall post in the morning with thoughts!!!

Hugs to you and everybody!!

[Janeytwo]

Hey ShadowRiderer! :-)

How are you doing this morning? Sending hugs!

I thought I'd respond in three parts, if that's okay. This is really long - sorry everybody! Eeeekkkk!

On your bparents - IMO....they sound as if they want their children to parent them. They sound as if they kidnap people emotionally and hold them hostage to their own insecurities. Please understand, I'm not saying they're bad people. Many of us (probably most of us actually) have done this at some point along the way. I'm simply imagining that this has to doubly hard for you because of your relationship to them. It's like they're asking you to be responsible not only for their feelings but their past choices too.

I don't know why parents do this. I mean, yeah, we all make mistakes as parents, but this kind of thing? It's so....well I don't want to say pathological, but it's definately (IMHO) narcissitic. As children of our parents I don't see that we should be responsible for their emotional problems. They're adults for crying out loud! There's therapists and support groups on every corner.....even if you live in BFE...there's a church somewhere that has some kind of support group. Plus there's the internet. I mean, that's why we come here, right? To get support as we try to work out our "issues". So I don't have a lot of patience for our parents playing head games. IMO - you have every right to be fed up with it. And it sounds like you're reaching the point where you're starting to accept where your bparents baloney ends and you begin. Good for you Shadow!!

Nothing has changed. No, not one thing.

It takes a long time to reach this point where we can admit this too ourselves. Because we want people to change - not so that they'll kowtow to us but so that we can have the type of relationship that garners friendship, trust and unconditional love. There is this saying in 12 Step though There are people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves They just can't do it. They can't admit that they have intimacy issues and instead of walking along the road with other people - sharing the path; they want everyone to drown in the ditch with them.

She asked me to do something I did not think I could do. She asked me not to close the door on my BPs. She asked me to throw them a line.Throw them a line? I’ve been throwing them chains, cables, and anything else you could throw for years now.

I had shared this fable that a Buddhist taught me once. I thought I'd rewrite it in case you hadn't seen it before (all apologies to those who have):

A man is traveling along the path towards paradise when he comes across another man lying in the ditch with a broken back. So he picks the man up, throws him over his shoulder and continues on down the road towards paradise. Very soon he comes across another man lying in the ditch with a broken back so he picks that man up also and begins stumbling under the weight of the two men down the road toward paradise. Soon he comes across yet another man lying in the ditch with a broken back so he heaves the man onto his shoulders and begins crawling along the road toward paradise. Soon though the weight of the three men he's carrying becomes too much for the man and he falls into the ditch and breaks his back. That's when he comes to understand why there's so many people lying in the ditch on the road to paradise.

((( Shadow ))) See...this is what I mean when I talk about having to unlearn what we've been taught. We are taught to honor our parents. Well...okay....to me that means trying our best to live as decent folk and if we fail, then trying our best to make amends and move forward. It does not mean carrying the weight of their guilt, their shame and their regret. Heck, we are not required to do that for anyone. It's tough enough carrying our own weight in those things; carrying it in others? Impossible. Sooner or later, it will break our backs - no matter how strong or capable we may be.

And when others keep heaping their emotional issues onto us, at some point the self-aware among us will finally throw up our hands and say "STOP"!! "ENOUGH"!!!

Shadow - others choose how they will behave. We have no control over that. All we can control is how we will respond. And with our family, sometimes this means pulling back, pulling away. And the sad truth is, that they may try to change in the face of that or they may not. Either way, this is your life and you must live it. You are beholden to no one but yourself and your God. Live with kindness to others? Surely.

But always to thine own self be true!!

You are ShadowRiderer. Lover of country music. Denizen of Texas. Rancher. Player of the Steel Guitar. A fellow traveler on the path toward paradise.

And if that is not enough for some others? Well...that is all right because it is enough for those who love and care for you.

But mostly, it is who you are. Revel in your day, my dear friend. Revel in your day.

[shadow riderer]

Quantum, thank you for your kind words and support. The sad part is that I pulled away from both of them over a year ago, not that there was much to pull away from. Neither of them even noticed. My Baunt brought it to Bmom's attention. Bdad has no excuse. I was completely open with him, as well as, one of his brothers having a bit of a discussion on the subject. . Their behavior just became more extreme at that point. My pulling away was obvious to everyone but the two of them. My Bmom even made the remark to my sis during their conversation, "I think Shadow is mad at me." Uhm, hello? Ya think? When sis told me that, I was dumbfounded. Was Bmom for real? Did she really have no idea until now? In the few conversations I have had with BDad, over the past couple of months, I have made it as bluntly obvious as I can that I will not play into the emotional games anymore. Yet he keeps trying out old, very transparent, tactics. You would think he would give it up. Sheesh,talk about people in denial. I think the perplexing thing for me is that I know there is nothing I can do to get through to them.This is not a relationship in anyway shape or form, especially with Bmom, so why don't they just let it go and get on with their lives.Why send the occasional "daughter you are so special" card at all? It just blows my mind, not to mention the slap in the face it is.

Well, this has sort of turned into a bit of a vent. Quantum, thank you again for caring.

Janey, you hit the nail on the head. I think you are right. My BPs want me to ease their feelings of guilt. I can't do it. I just can't do it anymore. I was not the one to contact my Bmom when we reunited, but I wrote the first letter. I was the one, who made that first call to Bdad. Those were not easy things to do. I think at this point and in consideration of everything, it is now their responsibility to make contact and ask for this to continue. Does that make sense? Cards and superficial phone calls don't count as any real effort on their part. What's the point of that, if it isn't just to make them feel maybe a little less guilty? Until they make a sincere effort to reach out and reconcile, well, what else can I be but done with this? I just don't know that, even if something were to change, that I have it in me to ever trust either of them again. That fact makes me really sad.

You guys, I'm really alright. I'm just disappointed and sad about all of this. Oh, boy, more grief work. I've got a lot of exciting stuff coming up over the next several weeks, so I'm going to try to focus on that and let this go. Why can I not shake the feeling that this stuff with my Bps just isn't over?

[Janeytwo]

I'm suffering from a disease called codependency. Its lies are powerful; so easy to embrace and own. I am suffering and in that suffering I am completely lost. It is as painful as a hot iron placed against my skin. And my skin is burned almost off of me.

This last few months? The road I've traveled? It's been covered with a thick sheet of ice and I keep slipping. I take one step forward and then I lose my footing and I fall and hit my head. And then I'm down there, busted and bruised, down there shivering, teeth chattering in fear and humiliation, listening to that oh-so-silky voice of darkness; a voice like opium that fills my veins. A safe familiar voice of surrender, calling me back to the vast deep.

"Janey, surrender, give up, no one respects you, no one wants you here. Come back to me, back into the darkness. It's so much easier here. Why put yourself through this? All this strife? For what? To be judged? To be marginalized? To have to defend your life? Your mistakes? Who needs that, Janey?"

And me digging my nails into the ice until they bleed just to gain purchase. Me screaming, "No! That's not true! This isn't about what others see! It's about me coming back from you!! It is about me finally seeing myself! Coming back to the light!"

And my nails rip off my fingers as I grab onto anything, any slim hope, to right myself again. All the while the voice telling me that I cannot win, that for 32 years it has owned me.

And I rise on shaky legs and take a step and the ice thickens and I slip and fall and hit my head. And the voice of darkness calling harder.

"Janey, you are so foolish! I told you not to try this! I told you! We had an agreement. You stay in my darkness and refuse to return and I let you live your life without pain! Without risk! You are going back on your word to me, Janey! You are a liar, Janey! You've risked friendship. Reached out. And see what you've done? See how you've fallen in front of people? You see what a fool you are, Janey!? Come back to me. You've lost so much ground anyway. What more is there to lose? Come back."

Oh but there is me to lose! For years I've been at sea looking at my pain through a long eye-glass, looking at it from far, far away, there on the shore miles beyond my heart. Now it is like looking through binoculars; sharp, clear and focused. Coming nearer. The boat is nearing the shore and I must reach land!

And so I take another step and the path ices over and I fall.

I must keep getting up....I must keep getting up...

[kakuehl]

Janey, As one who falls a lot physically, I sat here reading your post and visualizing (and trying to decide which is more painful, the physical or the psychological). Of course, the physical fall can cause some of the psychological pain too... especially when you fall in front of a bunch of parishioners, many of the kids! You are right... keep getting up. To not do so is to die. Life is risk!

[RavenSong]

Janey - It's good to see you posting again, my friend. We've all missed you...

The darkness may seem safe, familiar...but it's a trap, an illusion. The darkness does not protect you, not anymore. It's only an escape. Don't listen to the voices beckoning you.

This journey is a hard one...you know that. There are a lot of forks in the road, a lot of dead-ends. Sometimes the traveling is easy, and other times you have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes the road is muddy, and we get bogged down in it. Other times, we trip over the gravel and skin our knees. The trick is to keep moving...

Getting up and brushing yourself off is your number one priority right now, I think.

[quantum]

Let me give you a hand...

I'm not promising that we won't both slip, but I'm kinda cushy to land on.
:-)

[Janeytwo]

((( Kathy ))) ((( Raven ))) ((( Quantum )))

Thank you all so much.

I think I may've told one of you guys that I'm like the long-time AA'er who slips and has a drink.

Then it's back to square one again. Step One again.

I think I've been ashamed of how out of it I've been and that's been part of the problem. The not wanting to admit that.

Today is mine and hubby's 10th Anniversary. Think we'll go out and have a nice quiet dinner. I may even order a martini!! Eeeekkkk!!!

And I've missed you all too by the way....

Slow steps right?

Love you guys!

[sstuart]

(((Janey))) I am so glad to see you.
I wish that I could write what I am feeling as well as you do. Often times I will write them and I immediately erase them. I don't like to see them for real. I don't use the alcohol I use food, but it also stuffs the feelings back so I do not have to feel them. That is why I hate to journal. It is all out there and someone would see my feelings. I can hide them quite well. Those baby steps--Do they include trusting others??

[Janeytwo]

Hey Stacy!! Hey everybody!!

I don't use the alcohol I use food, but it also stuffs the feelings back so I do not have to feel them.

((( Stacy ))) I have heard so many people talk about how they used food to stuff their feelings. I can completely understand that. I mean, I can't count how many times I've been depressed and rushed to the freezer for a bowl of chocolate fudge ice cream. I can see food becoming a replacement for feelings quite easily.

My sister "B" is extremely obese. I can recall when B was in her 20's. Sister Susie wanted B to stand up in her wedding but told B that first she had to lose "about 80 lbs" because Sister Susie wasn't going to have a "fat cow in my wedding" (direct quote in quotes).


:-(

Mom agreed and told Sister B that she needed to lose weight anyway. So B went on this diet....one of those where you buy specialized food that comes to your house. I can remember coming by mom's one day and Sister B was sitting at the kitchen table, hugging the box with the food in it, crying, mourning it. It was so upsetting. I felt bad for her. She starved herself for about a month in order to fit into that stupid bridesmaid's dress. Sigh........I guess bmoms aren't the only ones that are maginilized by society. :-(

Those baby steps--Do they include trusting others??

Whew! Trust.... What a loaded word, huh? Trust is so hard I think especially for me as a bmom (no conceit meant by that) because I've seen what people are capable of doing with their words.

I've come to realize that trust is a 3-phase struggle for me. Trusting myself, trusting others, trusting God.

That middle one is the hardest me thinks. Well.....at least it is nowadays. When I was young, trusting myself was the real toughy. I trusted myself absolute last and other people too easily; placed my personal power in the hands of all the wrong folk. :-(

And of course, when you're young and desperate and vulnerable? Well...the carnivors come out of the woodwork like termites. My "victim light" was on and glaring like a neon signpost.

Plus, being taught most of my life that people are slime and that even Billy Graham is out to kill you......that kind of teaching tends to twist a soul.

Trusting God took some time. (See the next frame entitled "The Cake Story").

Hugs to you guys!

[Janeytwo]

ODAT pg. 90Experience has taught me that I couldn't make any headway by relying on my own devices to bring about the results I wanted.

I had this thing I did when I was first in Recovery. I had always heard from my religious friends that God tested people. So I decided that I would test Him so that He could prove to me that He was really there. I figured that was only fair, right?

So one day I had to pick up this cake for one of my sister's bridal showers. I had been to the cake lady's house only once but figured that I'd know the house when I saw it.....so I didn't take the address with me. Besides, God would show me the way. That's the test I gave him....well...actually I dared him. I said something like, "Okay. Everyone says you're there. If you really are you'll guide me to the cake lady's house without the address. I dare you!"

I set off driving to the cake lady's house with an AlAnon friend accompanying me. We drove around the stupid subdivision that cake lady lived in for about 40 minutes!! I couldn't find the stupid house!! They all looked the same!!! My friend was getting car sick from driving around the sub and was complaining that she needed to be sick. I told her to roll down a window but it was like 100 degrees out that day and so that just made her sicker! :-(

It was so frustrating!! Finally, I pulled into this driveway and started nagging God. Saying stuff like, "I knew it!! I KNEW you don't really help people!! Oh you SAY you do, but really you're just a jerko who plays games iwth people! You had no intention of helping me did you?"

And God said, "We're back to this again, huh? You're testing me again, right Janey?"

I said that yeah I was and that He was failing miserably! "You can't even find the cake lady's house for me!!"

And God said, "Well dumba**, did you think to bring her address with you?"

And I said why should I need to do that when He was going to guide me there!!!

God rolled his eyes and shook his head and then my AlAnon friend said that she wanted me to quit talking to God and take her home because she was going to puke from car sickness.

I told her "well then, open the door and step out!"

God said, "Good advice. Why don't you take it, Janey?"

I told God that no one was speaking to Him anymore and that I'd handle this myself!!

So I took my friend home, went to my house and got the address and returned to the subdivision.

And when I found the house, I discovered that it was the very one that I'd been parked in the driveway of while I'd been yelling at God.

He'd taken me there the first time but I hadn't trusted him enough to think he'd actually come through.

And if I just would've stepped out of the car like He said to do? Well then...Janey here would've smelled the dang 30-something cakes that the cake lady was baking that morning. My God!! You could smell cake for blocks!!

After I got my cake and was driving home I looked up at the sky and said to God, "You enjoyed that didn't you?"

And He grinned his doo-doo eating grin and said, "Yep! Made my day! Save me some cake!!"

Sigh...God is wonderful but He is very sarcastic just in case you didn't know that!!

Hugs to you guys!!