[L-cain]

I need some advice-
When I registered last week, I found out that my Birthson had registered in 2005. I immediately sent an email, and after 6 days with no response, I called the contact number that was in his profile, on Monday.

After sitting on pins and needles for 4 hours, my call was returned. It was my Birthson’s ex-girlfriend from 3 years ago. She registered for him, because she thought it would be “neat” to surprise him. But she never thought anyone would respond. She said she would “try” to find him.

Of course she can never understand my urgency or realized that she is my ONLY contact to him right now. It’s only been 2 days, she has not called to update me and I have not called to pester her.

There were so many questions I wish I had asked. I also wonder if they were together long enough for her to have met his family. Perhaps she did contact his adoptive Mother and my phone number will NEVER be passed along.

I know I should be grateful that at least I have been able to make some sort of contact after 39 years. I don’t know what to do now. She could be scared and even if she knows where he is, she doesn’t want him to know what she did. What should I do now??

[bromanchik]

Wow! That's quite a surprise for both of you. I wish you well. It may take him some time to come around. How old is he?

[Jackiejdajda]

What should I do now??

Don't give up.. keep looking..

A woman in Alma told me once when I was afraid of search and contact that all I had to do was send him a note telling him I had medical etc info for him and if he wanted to contact here were the ways..

What his girlfriend did was between them.. be real careful of others controlling the reunion..

Give yourself permission to search..

And stay with us..

Jackie

[L-cain]

Thank you for your support! But I don't know if she was able to get in touch with him after 3 years. If I don't hear anything in a week or two, do I assume she couldn't find him OR she did find him and he wants no contact? And then what should I do? L.

[Suziebearhugs]

I'd follow up with her in a week or so. At that time you can ask her any questions you may have. What ever info. she gives you, might help you track him down. (where he went to school/worked, where he grew up, his parents names etc.)

Good Luck

[loveajax]

Even if she doesn't know where he is, can she at least give you his name? There's a lot you can do (searchwise) with a name and DOB. Best of luck to you!

[paigeturner]

I agree. Name and DOB and you are close!

[Dickons]

If she cannot find him...you can search for him directly from the following assumptions...

If she registered a search in the registry on this site then I assume you have his adopted name.

You also have the area code and city that you can assume is where he lives or at least lived 3 years ago.

You can also assume that at some point in his relationship with her that he a) told her he was adopted, and b) that he would like to meet you.

You know his date of birth so from that and the assumptions above...check the following websites: reunion, myspace, facebook, etc. and then the phone book websites for recent listings. Ancestry also has databases of public records to show most recent info.

You may also wish to consider an intermediary for the initial contact, there are differing views on what the best way for first contact is, you have to go with your gut feeling after reading opinions.

Best of luck,
Dickons
(adoptee)

[L-cain]

I guess I'm closer than I think! I already know his name AND his parents names. I also have 2 possible addresses and phone numbers. Just scared. I guess I'm hoping the exgirlfriend will get in touch with him and HE will call me---then it's on his terms. L.

[katt123]

I am glad for you that you at least know the name. We do not know the name of our b. gr-daughter. An intermediary would be a great source. I guess only my daughter could contact one after 5/5/09 when her daughter turns 21.
There is a ray of hope for you to find him and I think he would be old enough to have a better perspective on being adopted.
Keep trying and were all behind you
Kat

[karsonsmom]

Many of us are still here "pulling" for you! We are hoping and praying that you, your birthson, and his parents find reuniting to be a wonderful and fulfilling experience.
Any news?

[L-cain]

YES!! I sent a letter to his adoptive father. A few days later I received a gracious letter from him giving me my birthson's phone #s and email address. I know he asked my birthson first. I sent my son an email. It was brief, I explained the reason for my contact-that I thought he had registered on adoption.com, but I later found out that it was an exgirlfriend.
My son and I had very breif contact in 1993, when he was 22. We explained pictures and talked on the phone a couple of times. Then all communication ended and my letters started returning from the post office. I never tried to contact him again. I was terrified about how my email would be received.
I received a response almost immediately, YES, he wanted to develop a relationship. The 1st couple of emails seemed a little uncomfortable, I think for us both. I tried not to ask too many questions or to say anything that would scare him away. He did however at my request email me a couple of photos. But in the last week, things have changed. He sent me an "invitation" to IM on Yahoo. We 'chat" for about an hour or so a couple of times a day. Since there is a 9 1/2 hour time difference (he lives in Bangalore India), we usually chat in the early am and late evening EST. A few days ago he surprised me w/ his webcam. I was able to watch him the whole time. His laughter, his expressions, just like he was sitting w/ me in my home. (except I couldn't hear his voice). He shared pictures with me from when he was young and stories, some of them hilarious!! Not only is there a strong resemblance in our appearance, but in our personalities as well. He is a warm, sensitive man. (he's now 39, handsome, tall, blonde!) Last night, as our conversation ended, he sent XOXOs!! He wants to meet me, I think a trip to India in December would be a wonderful gift for both of us. I am truely blessed and I keep all you who are awaiting reunions in my prayers. Liz

[JustPeachy]

So wonderful! I'm glad things are going so well between you and your son. I can only hope that someday I will be able to reconnect with mine in person. I think at this point, we are both too cautious and fearful, but I am hoping to break through that in the future.

Keep us posted as to how your visit goes!

[josh1788smom]

Great news. Congratulations. I think a December trip is a great idea!

[Tish1964]

How scary and wonderful all at the same time. I'm very happy for you that time pulled it all together. Good luck to all of you as you move forward.