[carlismycoolcat]

I don't think it is fair fro you to complain about lost time with her when her other daughter has lost way more time than you will be losing. She has a responsibility to acknowledge her other child she gave up, and now she is paying attention to her. I think although your feeling are normal, you are also being overly selfish and very unloving to not accept your own flesh in blood . That is the problem ,no one wants to love one another ,not even blood relatives.

[NanieB44]

Knitty,

I want to share my story with you in case any of it can help you. I am a birthmother who had to surrender my firstborn daughter to adoption in 1963. It was closed and I never thought I would ever see her again. My heart ached and I cried for years. We were told to forget and never speak of it to anyone.

I later married and had another daughter in 1969 and a son in 1972. I never told my children about my firstborn. I saw no purpose because she was, I thought, lost to us forever. In 1989, I told my son and daughter about her and with their permission, searched for and found her.

At first, my daughter was willing to meet her "older sister" and seemed to accept. Subsequently, it caused her great pain to realize she was not afterall the "firstborn" and she became extremely jealous and resentful. It became worse and worse after my firstborn had her 3 children. My son and his family are very close with my firstborn as well as with the sister with whom he was raised.

I can only say this to you...the daughter I raised is still my baby girl and if anything, I love and appreciated her even more because of what I had lost. I wish she could understand (unfortunately she is married and has 2 stepchildren and has chosen not to have any of her own, which I think makes it harder for her to understand)
that a mother's love knows no bounds and that the love for one child doesn't make the love for another any less.

It pains me that I have caused any of my children any pain. I understand the shock, but would the daughter I raised have any respect for me if I had turned my back on and rejected her sister that came back into our lives?

Selfishly, it saddens me because it makes me feel that the daughter I raised is loving me conditionally and it brings me back to the place of shame and secrecy of the past.

My daughters are both, thank God, very good and productive people who are so very much alike. It saddens me that this gap exists between them because I'm nearing the end of my life...and if the barriers could be lowered, I think that they would have much to offer to one another.

I'm sure your mom is enamoured and excited right now, but please remember that the human heart has an infinite capacity to love. Please try, (I know it's not easy) not to feel threatened. NO ONE will ever take your place in your mother's heart, and you never know, in time, this "new" additon to your family may one day bring you great comfort, joy and friendship.

Don't mean to lecture. My prayers are with you. I hope I haven't offended you in any way. Would love you to share more of your feelings with me. It might also help me to understand more my own daughter's pain.

Blessings!
NanieB