[Jackiejdajda]

My sister had a son the same year I gave my son up for adoption.. But I had to keep the relinquishment secret.. My sister and her husband knew nothing about what had happened..

What I find ironic is that this thread is in the birthparent support section.. I realize the original poster is new and did not understand..

I hope the original poster is still reading and has learned from this thread.. I found myself disliking my sister through the years and I ended up cutting her off..
It took a family funeral to get us back into a relationship..

And another irony is that my bson and her son (who look similar) have met up and had dinner and drinks and an evening together.. Life is so strange sometimes..

Jackie

[siobhan_ontario]

I cannot say that I competely disagree with Paige. You will never make a harder decision in your life that is as hard as deciding to place your child for adoption. It is the bravest, most courageous, selfless and toughest choice.

You do not know until you yourself are in the same place. "out of wedlock" and all.

The choice had NOTHING to do with you. I do not understand why you are on this forum.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Originally Posted by paigeturner

Frankly, last night I was frustrated, coming off of a 16 hour day (early cross country flight) waiting for an important piece of legislation to get signed by the Governor only to be told it was rescheduled for today… She signed it by the way.

So you chose to get on this forum with other emotion-filled people and take your anger out on a person you don't even know. You, too, made assumptions about the OP.

Very sad.........and also very immature. Perhaps before telling others to "GROW UP" you should take a long, hard look in the mirror. I hope I spelled all that right and grammatically correct.


OP~
It is normal for sisters and grandmothers to compare babies. It is also normal for sisters to be jealous of each others children or the time allotted to them.....and that is in "normal" circumstances much less in circumstances where there are such raw emotions like in your situation.

When I got pregnant with my first 14 years ago, my brother had just impregnated a girl and then 2 month later he chose to marry an ex-girlfriend who was also pregnant (not his). So here I was pregnant with my first and sharing my "spotlight" with a lonely, motherless girl my mother and I helped as much as possible, a sister-in-law who was jealous of this girl who was pregnant with her husband's child, and my mother who was caught in all the drama.

As fate would have it, I was due last but had my child first thanks to an abrupted placenta and emergency csection. My mother lavished attention on my son for those few weeks that he was the only new baby. My sister-in-law's child was technically not her grandchild (my brother was not the father) and this other woman's child was her grandchild but one she didn't get to see regularly and who was used as a pawn. I was still jeaous of all the DRAMA their situation created that took time and energy from my parents that they should have had the luxury of spending on their grandchildren (namely mine-heehee).

It isn't necessarily your sister or her child whom you are jealous of, but of the drama her adoption has caused that places a shadow over everything else. Truth is, she is hurting but her adoption also made what should be an ecstatic time in your life into one where you feel like "the one who got to keep hers" or you feel like you are walking on eggshells to not hurt feelings by sharing about your child. You have a right to feel cheated a little.

She may not necessarily be jealous of you or your child, but of your ability to be a in situation to parent your child everyday. Whether you feel like the child is your nephew, she will view this baby as HER baby everyday of her life regardless of where it lives, who it lives with, or what they name it.

Either way, just know that your feelings are not abnormal and do NOT make you immature as Paige implied.....or unkind.....just human. Allow yourself some space. Perhaps your mother will appreciate her time with your child more if it was during times when your sister is not present. And perhaps your time away will give you better perspective on the situation and the green-eyed monster will crawl back into its cave.


Kim

Kim

[Dickons]

Sarah,

1. Why did you choose to post in the birth mothers forum?

2. Your statement: "I don;t even consider the child my sons cousin as he is with an amazing family and will be so much better off".

You need to educate yourself - not listen to societies platitudes about how good adoption is for the child...educate yourself on reality of growing up adopted - amazing family or not.

Your nephew will always be your nephew whether or not you ever acknowlege that, whatever surname he grows up with...he has the same blood and ancestors you have.

I did not lose a child to adoption but lost a sons to SIDS. NO ONE can go through losing a child and then put a happy face. Family is supposed to share the good and and bad times with empathy.

You need to walk in your sisters shoes but few have the strength.

You need to open your heart and feel their pain and realize you have lost a family member too.

Dickons

[lonni]

Page, what an awful and seemingly familiar story. Ugh.

OP~Why is their open adoption threatening to your son? (you said you didn't want your son around those types) Do you mean the comparisons?

[mygrl4meee]

My sister's daughter is one day short of being one month older than the daughter I placed for adoption. So there was always the thinking about is she is doing that, then my daughter, probably is doing the same thing. But I kept these things to myself.