[tml478]

I am interested in finding out how much visitation from his birth mother and grandparents is best for an adopted child?My only grandchild is possibley going to be voluntarily given up by my daughter, but she wants to retain a relationship in return. The foster parents have offered two visits a year but that doesn't seem fair, when my daughter has seen her much more often than that over the past 2 years. The child is a little over 2 now. The visits go very well and my daughter is a very good mother. Due to mental illness, past domestic abuse (she's the victim) and a short period of drug addiction, she was just not able to regain custody in time before DSS initiated terminating her parental rights. I have told her that I would get as much info as I could before the upcoming hearing. I want to do what's best for both my grandchild and child.

[SuddenlySusan]

I don't know much about open adoption, but from what I've heard you should know that there are only a few states that will actually enforce the agreement for visitation. Is the state you live in one of those states that will enforce the agreement? If not, there is no guarantee. If the foster parents are only offering two visits a year, and there is no legal standing to enforce that, it could be that zero visits are actually allowed.

As the grandmother, are you in a position to be able to raise your grandchild? My heart aches for you. I surrendered my son in 1971, and my mother offered to raise him. I didn't think it would have worked out, so I didn't let her. I will always regret my decision. My son and I reunited a year ago, but unfortunately my mother and father had both passed away by then, and my son will never know his grandmother, who was an outstanding mother and grandmother.

I am so sorry for the loss you are facing... it must hurt so much. I truly hope you can find a kinship arrangement and keep your grandchild in your family... which is where your grandchild belongs.

Peace,
Susan

[SuddenlySusan]

Here is one example of an open adoption being closed:

We Just "Closed" our Open Adoption

Is non-family adoption the absolute only way? Is there no family member who can help?

Again, I am so sorry for your loss and for your daughter's loss. I do not believe that a woman should be punished for the rest of her life because of problems she had as a young woman. It is inherently unjust.

Peace,
Susan

[Oceans]

TM – First let me say how sorry I am that things have worked out as they have. I can only guess that your choice (in not parenting) is in the best interest of your daughter. It sounds like you truly love and support her and she needs you.

No one can answer your question for you (IMHO). Keep in mind that OA was created because it’s in the best interest of the child not the bmom – this is my understanding anyway. So in considering your answer I guess I would think about your daughter’s relationship with her child.

Is it healthy for your g-baby?
Has more frequent contact been a good thing for your g-baby?
Why would the FP’s want to limit the time NOW when they haven’t in the past?
Is there something going on (with your g-baby) that you aren’t aware of? OR
Is it the the FP’s would just prefer less contact?

If it’s just a preference for less contact, then this wouldn’t be considered a “good match” in the adoption world. You would want to find alternative parents to adopt. In the foster care world… I haven’t a clue as to how that would work….

There is an excellent foster care board that you might consider posting on. From what I can tell, there is a TON of experience represented there along with some really good people. It may be an excellent source of information/advice.

Will keep you in my thoughts & best wishes. I can only imagine how hard this is.