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Originally Posted By Wife

I didn't know where else to go. My husband is adopted. My mother in law has made it clear to him that she does not want him having any contact with his birthfamily what so ever. Upon having contact with his birthfamily, he learned he had a brother. His brother said that it was hell growing up knowing he had a brother out there and couldn't have contact. That he would sometimes even cry about it. And that if he were to go back in time, he would tell his family not to tell him about his brother and let him learn when he was older and understood better and was able to contact his brother, etc. He said it was just so painful for him.

My husband also supposedly has a birthson. This is a long story, but basically, he had a girlfriend who had a baby. She told him he was the dad and he wanted to take responsibility. He gave her every penny he had and worked 60 hrs a week and lived with 3 roommates so he would have plenty of money to give her. She refused to marry him or even put him on the birth certificate. He loved that little boy. When the little boy learned how to talk, he would tell my husband he had other fathers too. My inlaws didn't want my husband having anything to do with this child because they said he would ruin my husband's life. But my husband ignored them and continued to give money and otherwise to the biomom. The biomom would withhold visits or put big conditions on them. At one point, she got pregnant again and claimed 1 person to be the dad and denied being with anyone else, but later, found out the biodad was someone else (the child ended up being biracial). After my husband and I were married and had children, she decided to cut my husband off completely from the child but still demanded money. We filed in court for visitation and we had already been giving her more than enough money equal to child support for a child we rarely saw. The fact that my husband might not be the father was addressed, but my husband didn't care, he said it wasn't about gene's. The biomom didn't want any genetic tests done and she ran off with the child and after thousands of dollars, she forged adoption papers and had the child adopted within her family. It was extremely painful for me and my husband. For years I had bad dreams about this and would cry about this. Fortunately, our children were too young to remember. We could not fight her legally anymore as we had spent our last penny fighting her and one of our children was seriously ill and we could not afford his medical bills at the same time as the legal battle and had to give up. My inlaws wanted this adoption to be done and not only didn't help my husband stop the adoption but also gave money to the biomom to do the adoption.

This child is darker than my husband or the biomom. My husband and the biomom both have blue eyes and my husband is very fair and the biomom is medium and this child is dark and has brown eyes. What is more, the illness that hit our child is supposed to be genetic and theoretically, any son of my husbands should have had this disorder at least to some degree and this child did not have it.

We have 2 sons, the one I told you about that was so sick, and another one. The second one died. My surviving son has been in so much pain missing his brother that died, even though that brother never came home from the hospital. I strongly feel that telling my surviving son about the child is a bad idea. First, we don't know if that child is even his biobrother, something I have serious doubts about. and I think with all the pain my son is going through right now dealing with the loss of his baby brother, it is not a good time. I think eventually, I would tell my son that my husband had a girlfriend who had a child he cared very much about. Regardless, at my son's young age (and he has been getting sick again too) I do not feel he should be informed about this child as it would only cause a lot more pain and there is nothing my child can do about it. This family and my little boy already is having a lot of pain without adding that to it. Can I please have some feedback? Thank you.

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Originally Posted By birthmom Jamie

How old is your surviving son?

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Originally Posted By ELIZABETH

Oh, no, you can not have a brown eyed child if both the parents have blue eyes. This child can not genetically be your husband's if both he & bmom have blue eyes. Good luck

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Originally Posted By B

No disrespect, Elizabeth, but you are mistaken. It is unlikely that two blue-eyed parents can have a brown eyed child, but the recessive genes on both parents sides may very well have been brown eyes. It is sort of a genetic lottery. Brown eye genes are dominant. It is more likely that two blue-eyed parents would have a brown-eyed child than two brown-eyed parents having a blue-eyed child, due to the dominance of the "brown" gene. The odds are in favor of a blue-eyed child being born, but not impossible.

The American melting pot has put many genetic traits in the recessive gene pool of each of us...you never know what will surface down the road!

Both of my paternal grandparents had blue eyes...and my father brown eyes. My mother has brown eyes, and her parents had: blue eyes (dad) and green eyes (mom). Yet my great-grandparents (some of them) had brown eyes. Both of my parents have black hair, and mine is light brown...like my grandmothers. You just never know.

I don't mean to dispute what you said in a disrespectful way...it is a common misunderstanding. I too was confused at first when I learned that my daughter had "O-" blood and her dad and I both had "+" blood types. The blue-eye / brown-eye explanation was what my Dr. used to explain it to me.

Regardless...this little fact doesn't mean that the child IS biologically that of the father mentioned. It just means that he can't be ruled out on the basis of eye color alone.

Thanks for reading this. No insults intended...I would not have known either if it were not for my own experience.

Thanks!
B