[coffeepls]

The knock on the door last Monday night was instead - "You've got mail" I was contacted via phone by another party asking if I would be willing to establish contact with the twin boys I gave up for adoption 27 years ago. I was estactic! I said YES! She emailed and said she had to leave a vm for one and that she gave him my contact information. Within about 4 hours - I had mail. Email that is. Took me almost an hour and a half to write the reply. I was so nervous. I am better now. so we've traded emails back and forth, spoken on the phone and exchanged photos. All in all - I think I am doing pretty good. I 've had my ups and downs and sideways and fast and slow, but over all - hangin' in there. I've been reading some things that talk about all the emotion on both sides of this reunion. Knowing that I wasn't sure what I was feeling at times, I thought I would ask how they were doing. and to let them know that I cared about how they were doing and feeling. The reply I got back from both of them..... I'm doing good. Everything seems normal here. doing good and things are all good at this end of things. so what gives?? I'm confused now - almost more than before!! Can anyone help me figure this one out?? or at least help me to make sort of sense from it?? or am I suppose to make any sense of it??
now what?
Thanks!
Linda

[kersey19]

Linda -- welcome to the world of reunion! Amazing experience! Your boys are young....they may be just fine. They may not be ready to share how they are feeling.....all kinds of things. Take what they tell you at face value. It will take time for them to open up to you. Read as much as you can about the reunion stages. My daughter, who was 20 at the time of reunion, would give me occassional glimpes into how she was feeling about reunion. I don't believe you can make sense out of everything in reunion.......I've been at this two years and still struggle from time to time. There are lots of keys to success....honest communication, patience, acceptance. Spend time reading these threads....but be cautious not to make other stories your story (I hope that makes sense). Your sons will react to reunion in their way, they are dealing with their emotions which are unique to them. I had a tendency of taking adoptee stories and transfering them to my daughter. The bottom line........meeting our children is the most amazing, life changing experience ever. I love the experience.....and am thankful for this forum as I have gained much support and knowledge from the folks here. Take care -- Jill

[Jackiejdajda]

Originally Posted by coffeepls

Knowing that I wasn't sure what I was feeling at times, I thought I would ask how they were doing. and to let them know that I cared about how they were doing and feeling. The reply I got back from both of them..... I'm doing good. Everything seems normal here. doing good and things are all good at this end of things. so what gives?? I'm confused now - almost more than before!! Can anyone help me figure this one out?? or at least help me to make sort of sense from it?? or am I suppose to make any sense of it??
now what?

It ain't gonna happen like the dream.. that’s a given..

When I went into reunion I had to hold on to myself and keep telling myself.. All is well and all things are well..

Know that some of the things you are thinking are not true.. And I say…. Stay out of the negative thinking..
My bson was in his mid thirties when we connected.. and he was ‘all good at his end’.. just like yours..

I keep thinking of my emotions when I first reunited.. wonderful stuff..

Jackie

[coffeepls]

Thanks for the support and another way to look at things. I normally try to see things from both sides, guess this is anything but normal for me. And what you say makes sense. In other situations I've been in - I've done the same thing. Something about self preservation. I will continue on the path that I have started and take it as it comes. I am reading and talking with others and going to attend a support group, so I can get a feel for what's ahead. I know there is no road map - but a general idea would be nice. Like you said - it ain't gonna happen like the dream! One day at a time. that's all I can do.

Thanks again for your support.
Linda

[eastendmommy]

Congratulations on the contact, Linda. Just take it at whatever pace you are comfortable with, be open and honest, and be yourself! Everything else will fall into place! Good luck, and please keep us posted. Tammi