[thomasina]

I found my son's name in the death records. He was 14 years old when he died in a Developmental Center in Syracuse. He had horrible Cerebral Palsey and profound retardation. He was fostered for 8 months and then given back because they discovered this condition. The labor was hard and the docs provided by catholic charities were inexperienced. I was in labor for 23 hours and they had me marked for a C section but didn't do it. This is where the damage happened. They never told me and I have been searching for years.
The saddest thing is he was in a place where my family worked. A State school where my sister was in charge and another sis had him in her class. iMy mom even worked there and probably sewed his clothes. Three family memebers taking care of him indirectly, unbelievable but true. He was going to be with us one way or another the little angel. I am despondent now and I do not know if I ever will get better after my recent discovery. I despise Catholic Charities for not letting us know, he died with the name I gave him. I am 53 with no other children ever so it kills me to find this out now 22 years later. he would have been 36. I found the grave and kissed his headstone, about the best i could do and didn't want to leave him behind when I flew to california.
I urge all that have been putting messages on adoption boards with no answer to go to the birth and death records and rule out the possibility of death so you won't be in the situation I was, waiting and looking for nothing. He was absolutely beautiful by the way and his name was Richard.

I am so sorry.....I am at a loss for words for you. please accept my condolences.

Donna

[snuffie]

I cried when I read your post. You have my sincere condolences.
Is there someone you feel comfortable talking with? Maybe even a trusted counselor to help you with this. It seems like an awful lot for someone to go through.

You have my prayers.
Snuffie

[Cheryl62]

Me too, Snuffie...

Thomasina: I am so sorry.... I hope you have someone who can help you get through this grief for your child. I cannot even imagine the pain you must be feeling...

[Kindreds]

There is an online support group for mothers who have searched and found their children have passed on. Also, for adopted persons who search and find their mothers are passed on as well.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group...ndLostSupport/

[HappyMomAnna]

I am so sorry for this pain you feel.... It is so devastating to learn that we think our child is in a good place and to find out they have passed is over whelming....

It is a double loss and one that is so hard to deal with. I am so thankful that you can know your son was touched by his family even when no one really knew---very touching that there is a connection....

[sherrykimball]

Thomasina

I too am very sorry about your lost my prayers are with u

[numbr1dbcksfan]

((thomasina))

[Duchie]

Thomasina -

I am so sorry for your loss.

Duchie

[m26d15]

thomasina,

i'm so sorry to hear of your loss...it is certainly a traumatic and life altering experience and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time...

welcome to the forums, i think you'll find great comfort here...

take care and sorry again for your loss,
m26

[thomasina]

Thank you my Sisters. I will gather strength from you. The tremendous sense of quilt is something we share, along with concern for the child always. Here I was always wondering if he was healthy period. Fantazing about seeing him or being a Grandmother etc. all the things that run through our hearts and brains when you have given your child away. Little did I know he was meant to be with my family like this or that I would ever be put in touch with direct care people. It is beyond comprehension. My big Sister had known people who were working there at the years he would have been there and when she called a good friend she used to have lunch with everyday for 3 years and asked if she remembered a child with my last name(hers was different as she was married) the woman replied"Richard?"He was her first patient when she came out of school and she remembered him vividly. She said he was absolutely beautiful! Then a flood of info started coming and still is. They are looking for pics which I have 5 of that I snuck while the State was summarizing his life to me a few days ago. HIPPA was present and I had to fight to get his records. The story will continue...I am getting to know my son and mourning him at the same time. He is making a strong presence in my life right now and I am trying to figure out what the message is, other then to tell you all not to give up no matter how painful it maybe. Be brave face rejection, the person may need you. It is too bad I was so late. I am still working through this.
The connections are very strange with different people who knew him through other family members. For instance, there are several cemetaries in Syracuse New York. Where my son is buried is tended by a grounds keeper that my sister who found this out used to baby sit for when he was a baby. He was a big dude too.
St Mary's Hospital in Syracuse New York more than likely churned out several children either still born or with birth defects as theh docs were training on us girls like we were cattle. I should of had a C section for sure and he was fighting for his life panicing , with a placenta privia, today that kid would have been taken at the first sign of distress. I suppose we weren't worthy of that kind of attention, plus in his charts the nurses were giving him oxygen, which is a huge no no as it creates blindness. Richard had the sight to find his way to me through all this. Thanks for letting me unload.peace

[Skye Hardwick]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear of your precious child Richard. My thoughts and prayers are with you. (((Hugs)))

Skye

[thomasina]

Thank you so much Skye he was a beauty wasn't he. I think he likes being on the internet now. I wish I had known where he was, I would have taken him home with me. It is always good to check all avenues if you are looking, peace and stay in touch, t

[cindy1965Lindsa]

Im so sorry about richard Im new as of tonight I live in lindsay ontario now I was in toronto...one of my children was in a tharepudic foster home in napeon ottawa area... and got released when he was 18 and died in a pembroke ontario privately owned super jail his name was jeffrey elliott..he dies in 2003 I found out in sept 2004 from the toronto star etc...Im now searching still for his brother christopher micheal john elliott I think the family changed his name to Murphy without my consent...I believe he was living in toronto still but have no clue where...I have another child as well his name is John cory truckle..I left my husband because of abuse and he wouldnt give me the child back...after 4 mths of having him the childrens aid in toronto took john away from him and I havent been able to find him...

[ucme4dk]

((((((((((((((((((Thomasina)))))))))))))))))))
There are no words that I could say to help ease your pain, but I am truly so, so sorry for the loss of your *beautiful* son! I will be keeping you in my thoughts & prayers. I am hoping that he is peacefully flying with the angels now and watching over you..... Again my deepest condolences to you...he was a very precious child...Thank you for sharing and we are here for you.
Please take care of yourself.
Sincerely,