[emptymom]

Please read!
I want to tell you my story, I don't know who will read this letter and to be honest after 10 years of pain I just need to get it out.

On December 10th 1988 my life changed forever, You see I gave birth to the first of five children. A beautiful redheaded litlle girl that I named chellsie in the next five years I added Erica my sunshine blond with the biggest smile you would ever see, then I had Dannielle my miriclae baby, born seven weeks early. Then we have Deana god what a beauty and finally my little man Donnie. Now that you know my babies let me tell you my story. I was fifteen when I had Chellsie, her dad was nineteen and to busy to be dad! I lived with my mother and step-Dad and tried very hard to be a mom, when chellsie was 6 months old I had a one night-stand or so I thought with a friend that I had know for about 5 years. Well 9 months later we had Erica, both of us were only 16 and now I had 2 beautiful daughters an 8th grade education and my parents were getting a divorce. Erica's father and I lived with his parents, he worked for his dad and I was mom. Around the time Erica was 3 months old her dad started beating me. My mother had moved to Michigan (I was living in Florida) I packed up my two girls and flew to Michigan to be with my mom who had remarried my father! after 14 years. I moved in with them and started seeing my step-brothers best friend, again I was pregnant but this time we were doing it right so with Dannielle due in 3 months we were married. We had our own place my husband worked hard and provided for his new wife and three daughters. A year later we were expecting Deana, Life seemed good I was a great stay at home mom at 18. My husband seemed to be a great Dad but what I was finding out about my 19 year old husband was that he had a taste for women, Oh hey was great with me and the girls. He never yelled or hit, he always said the right things and helped with the house and the kids. After Deana was born I new what he was doing we lived in a very small town, everyone knew what he was doing! I confronted him and he prommised that he would never do it again. Yeah right it never stopped and the women they knew me! THEY KNEW OUR CHILDREN... but hey I was just a girl tyring desperatly to be a woman.. I forgave him over and over again, most of the time I just acted like I didn't know, but then I came home at the wrong time and found him in our livingroom on the floor with my maid of honer! I called it quits told him to get out and never come back. I thought I was strong, well he came back one night with the I love you and the kids stuff and what do you know I'm having a BOY.. We tried again and he just couldn't stay at home. I thought Okay this is it I had my tubes tied after my son was born so I was pretty sure I wasn't pregnant. We had one last big blow up but this time his brother and his wife were living with us and I had to leave. I loaded up Chellsie and Erica and went to my girl-friends house. You see he was very possesive of the kids even my first two, he wouldn't let me take them all and honestly my girl-friend only had a two bedroom house with two kids and a husband of her own! ( I know what your thinking wouldn't let you!) well I was alot more nieve than I am now.. Any way this was in May 1994 right before Deana's birthday. We were getting along okay I had the kids everyday while he worked but I was not allowed in my home, his sister-inlaw had taken over. We planned a small party for Deana at the park just us and the kids, we had a good day it really seemed like we might work it out. Then 2 nights later I received a call from his brother telling me to get to the house quick, so I grabbed up the girls and went over not knowing what to expect. I get there and find my husband holding a knife to his chest sayng if I can't have my familly I want to die!.. Well his brother had called 911 and the police and ambulance arrived and took him to the hospital. I took the kids to my mother and went to the hospital only to be told I could not see my husband they were addmitting him to the physic ward.. My sister in-law was very rude towards me and refused to let me in my home with my children. I counld not stay with my parents because when I left my husband my father quit speaking to me which was causing problems between him and my mother. I took my 5 kids and went to my girl -friends place, Her husband started giving her a hard tim after 2 days and I was overwhelmed. I had no one to turn to and no where to go. I called the familly independent agency and told them that I was overwhelmed. They said we can help you! NEVER TRUST THE GOVERMENT WITH YOUR KIDS! This man and women show up the next morning around 6am. They have come to HELP. What they did was say we are takeing your three youngest children because you can not provde for them and because there father is in the hospital he can not take them either. They said we will place them with a foster familly while you get on your feet, you can see them anytime as long as the foster parents are available. Well yeah that worked for about two weeks, I seen them everyday and I was working with a case worker to find a job and daycare and a home. Then my husband who is now all BETTER! decides he is going to fight for custody and file for divorce.. The battle is on and now I get to see my 3 babies twice a week under supervision yet I still have my two oldest girls with me. Now as I said earlier I was 15 when I had Chellsie, I had never tried drugs and I Didn't drink.. But let me tell you that my husband made it sound like I used dugs like I drank water and drank alcohol like a fish. Which I never did drugs or drank. I took the test and past did the counseling and was found to be normal if you can say that about a mother of 5 at 21 who has for the previous 6 years breathed her children and then her whole life is ripped apart.. I Fought like hell or so I thought. I found a job and cried more than I worked, it was on midnights so I could be with my girls during the day. I lost that job I still remember my boss comming to me saying I'm sorry but we have to let you go, you spend to much time crying, we really feel for you and hope you get your kids back soon! Well that didn't happen. You see they had decided to bring the kids to my apartmeent twice a week for an in home visit with me and my two older girls. ( doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it they are now investigatng all these claims about me , but yet I have 2 of my kids living with me!) Well that didn't last long this all started in the first week of June by July all 5 of my kids were in foster care, It seems that on one of the home visits the case worker smelled drugs in the hall way of the apartment complex. Thats right in the hall not my apartment and guess what! she didn't say a word to me at the time, she didn't take Chellsie and Erica with her that day. No they came back the next day and took Chellsie and Erica and told my why. I lost it I cried 24 hours a day I didn't eat, work or do much of anything else.. I fought the system and my husband form July untill September. My husband had started a relationship with another women who was also married with a child. She movedd in with him into our home with her son that he ws now playing daddy too while our kids were in foster care. He still had the same Job the same home and now a new Mommy for his kids. They visited the kids together and I went Alone on my days. The case worker Sandra ( I'll never forget of forgive) started telling me that I shouldnt fight my husband for custody that if I Would back off he would get the kids and they would be out of foster care.. My husband and I talked and him and his new wife convinced me that if I would sign off on the kids they would get custody and let my have the kids whenever I liked. Yep you guessed it I believed them! On September 12th 1994 I signed my life away. After I did that everything changed his new women threatened me and chased me out f town. I had no where to go in that little town. My Mother had left my father again and moved north about 200 miles to live with my older brother.. I could no longer even see my babies twice a week, I couldn't hold a job and was at 5'6" 96lbs, sick and not eating. I moved up north to be with my mother and brother. I found a job taking care of disabled people hired a lawyer and started fighting again, You see we were still married and my husband had not given up his rights and was still trrying to get custody of our children back. For 5 more months We ( my lawyer and I) tried everything. Then one day we get notice in the mail that my husband had given up his rights. My lawyer thought that might be a break beacause you have 21 days to change your mind, The judge wouldn't let me use his 21 days and destroyed any chance I had.. If found out that my husband and this other women were expecting a child about a month later from my step brother, well he finally filled for a divorce, It took him untill may 1998 to get that divorce you see I didn't want him but I wanted him to suffer for what he had done! I am now remarried to a wonderful man, we have no children together. My youngest children were adopted by thier foster parents and we keep in touch they send me letters and pictures about once a year and I write to them about the same. In the begging we talked on the phone and exchanged letters more often, but it became to hard on thier new mom. My oldest two girls were also adopted together and live just up the street from the rest of them. I don't exchange letters or pictures with them I don't know who they are. I can see my youngest three the way they are today thanks to the pictures, but Chellsie and Erica are forever 5 and 6. They see each other every day, go to school together and know that they are brother and sister.. I appreciate the famillies and know that my children are happy and healthy. I still cry alot and I hang pictures in every room. Chellsie and Erica's pictures never change but Dannielle, Deana and Donnie's do. I know that Dannielle is now Marissa and Deana is now Courtney and Donnie is now Colin, I don't know if Chellsie is still Chellsie or Erica is still Erica but they will forever be my babbies..

This has been very hard for me to share with you. I feel like I am dying inside most days at some pont. I keep going for them, I have to hope that someday I will be able to wrap my arms around them and tell them that I Love Them.

Thank you for letting me share my joys (Chellsie, Erica, Dannielle, Deana and Donnie) and my pains with you..

My only hope is that if there is another woman who hurts the way I do that she will gain something from knowing shes not alone.

I Love my babies and don't deserve to be sitting here without them in my arms..,.

[Jackiejdajda]

I Love my babies and don't deserve to be sitting here without them in my arms..,.

I hear you.. You are having such a difficult life..

I am thinking of you..


Jackie

[MommyofEli]

That is soooooo very sad! I will keep you in my prayers.

[kristamlit]

That is such a sad story,my heart really goes out to you. It's amazing how the Government can take away your kids just from someone else saying something , whether it's the truth or not. You seem to have really tried to make a life for your children and thats what is really sad. Alot of parents do use drugs and all and still have their kids. I am wondering why you don't have contact with the oldest two? If they were with you the longest shouldn't they be the ones who do remember you ? I can't imaine a single day without my kids and I truely feel bad for all you have gone through.
It's great that you're moving forward with your life. Are you planning to have any more children with your new husband? I am sure that one day you will get to tell your story to all 5 kids and have them in your arms again.Just be strong and never let go of hope.

[bromanchik]

I am so sorry for all you've been through.

I am in MI too. PM me with where you live. I am in Royal Oak.

[blankenb4]

I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH IN SUCH A SHORT TIME. I HOPE THAT SOME DAY YOU WILL AGAIN BE ABLE TO HUG YOUR CHILDREN.

I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS.

BARBARA

[Cheryl62]

I too am very sorry for your pain and loss.

You, and your children, will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[musicmom2x]

is it just me, or do most govornment workers, along with most of the general public descriminate on the basis of age? emptymom I can't imagine having my babies taken away, although God knows it is my biggest fear. It is incredibly hard for single moms, no matter what anyone says. Even when you are independant and doing well, all it takes is one slip and you are on your *** with no-one there to help you up. I am now a married 23 year old mother and my husband and I have two wonderful boys, but I am STILL scared that the stupidest little thing will cause the govornment to step in and take my babies away. I have been reading a lot of horror stories about perfectly normal healthy loving parents who may be having temporary difficulties have permanent solutions forced on them, and the only common thread I see with all of these is that the parents are young. We have laws that protect almost every citizen from racism, prejudice, handicap discrimination, gender descrimination, even education level or sexual orientation, but not age. Our nation looks down on young adults one and all. If they are not at college partying and drinking, there must be something wrong with them. Even if the young adult is a responsible productive member of society who never does anything worse than smoke an occasional cigarette he or she may have their children taken away even upon a suspicion of drugs. Why is this done? Because we have no laws to protect the young and Naive. It really boils my blood to see other mothers who are already under ENORMOUS amounts of pressure to be an all-in-one perfect parent have to worry that the wrong social worker might come along and yank away everything she has worked so hard to protect. I am so glad I have never had to face that, but ladies the only way that we can stop this from happening is to fight it. Change the laws. Tell them that young adults are sick of being treated worse than criminals, who get off on technicalities due to our anti-discrimination laws! am I just ranting here? I know it is a long process, but doesn't anyone here want to make the path easier for those who may have the misfortune to follow in our footsteps?

[chickenrunshrek]

This might not be a popular opinion given the previous posts, but it is amazing how easy it is to regain custody of a child that has been removed. In some of the cases that I've seen, thoroughly screwed up mothers have been given way too much time to accomplish the bare minimum in order to re-gain custody. By being held to such a low standard and not being given truly helpful support they often fall back into the same situations that caused the children to be removed in the first place. The cycle continues and children grow up suffering, often doomed to repeat the cyclein their adult lives....