[noika]

I totally understand you would think that being adopted your parents would understand but they dont I went throught the same thing email me nancybriggs2265@hotmail .com

[mtlover]

An absolutely powerful thread! I am a BMom and an adoptee.

Laura,

Your Parents????? AAAAAAAAAAaUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!

My mother's stand is I need psychiatric help, which by the way I have, because obviously I am mentally unstable and got that from my birthmother. She actually said that. I

This is the arrogance that often surrounds adoption!!! I have such a hard time and such a reaction when I hear things like the quote above.

And then you must pick us or your daughter???? What?? that is crazy, abusive and sooooo arrogant.

That kind of attitude makes me RAGE... I want to say to people like your Mom... "Hey lady...how nice of you to sit in judgement of someone with such distain but you needed them in order for you to be a parent??? Do you hear yourself?"

Then I often wonder how many of these adoptive parents that are so judgemental would be in the same shoes as the birthmother if they could get pregnant. I wonder how many of them had sex at a younger age and didn't get pregnant because they couldn't but yet sit in judgement of someone who did the exact same thing but did get pregnant. It would be a great study, how many adoptive Mom's were sexually active at a young age and sit in judgement of their child's birthmother. Something to think about anyway.

I hope you search, I hope you find them. It won't change who your parents are but it can be the most amazing addition that you could ever have.

Good luck to you and thank you for posting!
Kim

[Montraviatommyg]

I've just read you post and can fully understand how you feel as I was pressured 23 years ago to give up my bson for adoption which was only mentioned 3 times afterwards. It took reunion with my bson for me to finally forgive my parents for the pressure they put me through all those years ago and for not talking about him or the adoption.

I have also forgiven them now for not telling me they had contact with him and not telling him that they knew where I was living. I had fallen out with my family in early 1999 and didn't start communication with my parents until late 2001 - I still don't talk to my sister. During this time my bson found my family and they truthfully told him they didn't know where I lived. That doesn't excuse them though for not telling him when I recomenced communication, the excuse being they didn't know if my husband knew about him despite my sister telling my husband about him. Subsequently my bson thought I just didn't want to know him but obviously now he knows differently. I am so thankful for the day I found my details on a website entered by my bson so I was able to email him.

Montravia

[Carlsnet]

I really feel ya. You can't know how similar my story is, was.
For so many years I counted b-days, and watched other families having that family thing, and would have to turn my head in sorrow. I fought hard and long to keep my kids, but at every turn, my mother would actually sabotage the process. I was young, and had enough trouble making good choices, and how I couldn't see it until much later (after termination of parental rights) just amazes me.
I have been in therapy for years now, because I have no way of letting it go.

A little over two months ago, my daughter (22yrs)contacted me, and then I was able to speak to my son(20) as well. I didn't stop crying tears of joy for about two weeks. I still have moments where I break out, cause I'm just so freakin happy to be able to know them.
My anger over the whole situation still exists, and I still see the same therapist,,, it was great to be able to tell him of the reunion, but I am still having trouble.

I hope this helps when I say "Don't give up", there out there and they will want to at least talk to you. I'm a BFather, and the bmother is nowhere to be found, but I feel that the burden I carried all these years is lifted now.
Much love to you,
Good Luck.

Originally Posted by lmh5

I am sitting here trying to find a way through words to express myself, and I am not sure I am able to.

First, please allow me to say, reading all of the threads have been a balm to my soul. I have never even tried to find support after I gave up my daughter because my family made me feel so completely unworthy. Unworthy to be her mother, unworthy of compassion, unworthy of emotional support, unworthy of any rights at all.

She is going to be 15 this fall. Can you believe it? 15. It's been 15 years since my heart was ripped out of my chest and I was left bleeding to death and told to get over it. And this from my adoptive parents.

I can't get her back, I can't have those years back, and I can't change what happened. I know all this. But it doesn't change my anger. I am 35 years old and my parents continue to refuse to hear my voice. They didn't listen then, and they refuse to listen now. How pathetic is it that I am still so hurt by them?

They told me to choose, them or my daughter. You want to hear something totally sick? I chose them. I didn't think I could live without their "love". I am still waiting for their love, and my kid is gone.

I am so angry and there is nothing I can do about it. It's like hitting the wind. It was a closed adoption, so I still have years to wait before I can even hope to hear from her.

There is nothing to be done. I need to find peace. I need to let my anger go and rest in my faith. I need to stop wanting to change the things I can't and just accept my parents limits.

I am so very glad to have found this site. Praise to all of you. You have made me feel not quite as alone.

Laura