[RiverGal]

An hour ago, I was livid...now, I'm just kinda numb. For those of you who do not understand the antiquated stigma of adoption, then read on...

For whatever brainless reason, an elderly aunt was told that I was still searching for my bdaughter. She called me up tonight to cast her pearls of wisdom at me. Here's the gist of the conversation:

1) I am lacking something in my life, or I wouldn't be bringing this up again. I need to meet a nice man and forget the past.

2) I'm stirring up a hornet's nest for the afamily as well as my own family.

3) If my other children would pay more attention to me, I wouldn't have this void.

4) I need to go to church and let God help me to leave the past behind me.

5) I am not going to be happy until I ruin my reputation and that of my family. I am selfish.

6) I should find a new group of friends. It's because of the artists, writers, and other misfits I associate with that I have these "notions."

7) I will be 50 years old this year and need to put my hippie ways behind me. It is time to grow up and stop rebelling.

She ended her diatribe by telling me about a "pot-luck" supper at her church tonight. Seems I was the center of discussion at the table...the members of her group "prayed" for me. Wow...

Debra <--- (not buying a bit of it)

[bromanchik]

Debra,

YIKES!!! Been there. Only I did an open adoption and....
1) My child was going to grow up hating me for being in his life and confusing him.
2) What made me think I deserved contact?
3) I was a slut for getting pregnant in the first place.

You get the picture. And that was from my grandfather!!!

BTW, Tell her the only way your reputation will be ruined is by her gossiping. Tell her you prefer she keep her prayers between herself and God. You don't need the prayers of the pot luckers.

[klagenfurt]

You should ask this Aunt Mary of yours if the shoe fits! Sounds like she has something herself she wants to forget or hide! If you want to know your child you gave out for adoption and that child wants to know you - that is all that matters. We all do things we regret some time or other and I would tell her that if she is without sin to cast the first stone. Maybe you would enter her hornets nest!

[antifloyd]

I'm glad you're not "buying a bit of it." You shouldn't!!! I don't mean to bash people who go to church, lots of them are very nice, but in my experience, sometimes so-called "Christians" use the God card to support their own personal opinions, which may not be very Christian! Of course you know that you could be stirring things up for your family and the afamily, but it doesn't mean you should give up your search. Good luck!

[RiverGal]

"BTW, Tell her the only way your reputation will be ruined is by her gossiping. Tell her you prefer she keep her prayers between herself and God. You don't need the prayers of the pot luckers."

You go, Brenda!!! I sure hope God has a good sense of humor...only He knows what those old mummies asked while huddled around their dinner plates.

[RiverGal]

Maria: This is a bitter old gal (Aunt Mary). She never had children of her own, so I can't expect her to understand the bond that a mother feels with her child. Actually, in her words, she has "little use for children." She has spent a lifetime boozing it up and emotionally draining everyone around her...she's one of those "psychic vampires" that leaves everyone totally empty after one of her dreaded visits.

I'm glad she never had kids, as she is much better suited to raise cobras.

Deb

[alicia hunter]

Wow! What an old PRUNE. I think I'd have trouble being nice to a family member like that!

[stacyone]

Deb, do you have Caller ID? Might be time to start avoiding Aunt Mary...

[RiverGal]

Lauri: I'm not going to quit. My family is 100% supportive, and I am so lucky to have them in my corner. Like you, I am not anit-Christian; however, I have been bashed and beaten up with "religious" beliefs like hers for years. I believe it was Deepak Chopra that said, "Religion is the bastardization of spirituality," and that is so true. She may think herself to be another Mother Teresa, but I see as more akin to Beulah off the movie Porky's...or maybe Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son.

Deb

[Lewey]

Deb,

I don't post often, but your thread caught my eye, I just recently had some of the same things said to me, but by a so called friend, she told me that she was going to pray to God to heal my pain, I then said to her, why don't you pray to God and ask him to help you understand my pain, instead of telling me my pain is wrong and that I should be grateful that my son had two parents , needless to say she has not spoken to me since and probably never will again, however her last words to me were the following, you should be over this by now, I just walked away shaking my head.

Lewey

[RiverGal]

Originally posted by alicia hunter
Wow! What an old PRUNE. I think I'd have trouble being nice to a family member like that!

Oh, Alicia...we do!!! All of us. Luckily, she lives out of town, so we are able to avoid her most of the time.

Deb

[LegallyKim]

When my grandmother found out I was pregnant she wrote to me: "I cannot believe you fell into the oldest trap of mankind"! Then of course she went on to say how we'll just have to get through this and put it behind us. Whatever.

[RiverGal]

Lewey: It still amazes me that the mindsets of people can be as twisted as the are. It is easy to tell other people how they "should" feel, isn't it? Especially when they have not walked in our shoes. One thing I have learned over the years is tolerance for other's pain...although I don't always understand it, I can accept that it is real to the person who feels it.

I love what you said to your friend about praying to understand your pain...that was profound!

Stacy: I took it a step further...I have blocked her home number from my phone. Should she call again, the message will tell her that I do not wish to receive a call from her at this time...or ever, for that matter.

Deb

[RiverGal]

Originally posted by LegallyKim
Then of course she went on to say how we'll just have to get through this and put it behind us.

Such universal advice from the old sages. Granted, we all made it through (obviously, or we wouldn't be here), but how many of us have figured out the elusive trick of "putting IT behind us??? And...how many of us really want to?

Deb <-----(still amazed by the wisdom of ages)

[bromanchik]

Originally posted by Lewey
she told me that she was going to pray to God to heal my pain, I then said to her, why don't you pray to God and ask him to help you understand my pain, instead of telling me my pain is wrong and that I should be grateful that my son had two parents ,

Wow!!! This is great! Can i quote you????