[MsChris334]

I had a baby girl and she was adopted by a wonderful family, I met through an agency, They have sent me pictures and letters, and my Mother thinks its wrong that I get these from them, She says "since I gave her up". Why is it wrong of me, wanting to know about her life now?? Do I not deserve to know about her??

MSCHRIS'

How old are you now?

[Free_to_be_me]

Does it feel like it is the right thing for you to get letters and pictures? If it does, then there is nothing wrong with it.

When I talk about my birthdaughter and her family, people always ask how I know where she is. A lot of the time they just don't know how much adoption has changed in the last few decades.

For me, it is absolutely right to know where she is, get letters and pictures, talk on the phone with her and visit her. She stays overnight with me, I stay at her house...It's almost as if we're related!

It is perfectly normal for you to want to know about her and her life now.


Is your mom saying "since you gave her up" in a shameful or punishing way or as more of a move on and get on with your life way or some other way? Just curious.

[antifloyd]

Was your mom affected by adoption some other time in her life? Because open adoption is still pretty new. When I "gave up" my daughter, I didn't get to meet the parents or stay in contact with them. I would have given anything to be able to receive letters and pictures, even if I didn't contact them any other way. But that's how adoption used to be! Maybe your mom just thinks that IS how it should be. You didn't mention too much about how she felt about your pregnancy ... maybe she just thinks you should "get on with your life" and forget about what happened. As if you could! Don't let her talk you out of receiving those things, they are very precious!

[Missy M]

Originally posted by MsChris334
I had a baby girl and she was adopted by a wonderful family, I met through an agency, They have sent me pictures and letters, and my Mother thinks its wrong that I get these from them, She says "since I gave her up". Why is it wrong of me, wanting to know about her life now?? Do I not deserve to know about her??

I am also a b-mom. Maybe your Mom isn't aware of what goes on in adoption today. Perhaps she is simply feeling like they did long ago whan we were told to "get over it." As a grandmom to a placed child she maybe attempting to deal with her loss by not dealing with it at all, even through you. I can't explain it from her point of veiw; but like anyone you have a right to your thoughts and ideas, and no one can say what is right or wrong except you. I don't know why dpen asked how old you are but IMO if you are old enough to to give birth you are old enough to decide what type of adoption you and your childs parents should have. You are old enough to have letters, and anything else you want and agree to. There is absolutely nothing wrong or even unusual about you wanting to know about your daughters life...not now not ever. Its not unusual for love ones not to be supportive, but it doesn't mean you are wrong....We Care...MissyM