[Veronica2]

I married the father of my son a year after I gave him up. It seemed easier some how. At least he knew my history. He never let me forget what I did and used it to hurt me even though he didn't want to marry me until after I gave up our child.

I left him, and brought up our two other children alone. I found my birth son 25 years later and it was great for me to know he is okay. However there were so much hurt and pain steming from the adoption, having more children, etc. etc.

I am no longer in contact with my son and I hurt.

Has anyone else had those problems.

[vicrose]

Veronica..I'm not a birthmother, but an adoptee. My heart goes out to you, because you definitely have been in a lot of pain over the years for the decision that you made so long ago. How did your first contact with your son begin? Did you contact him, or did he contact you? I actually contacted my birthmother, but she was really blown away..and told me not to contact her again. There definitely seems like there was a lot of pain on both sides..your son's, and your's.....but that's not to say that this is it. Have you sought out a Counselor that could help you resolve some of your issues, or could at least help you with the pain. I wuld love to chat with you. If you want, just pm mail me. Hugs, Brenda

[Jackiejdajda]

Veronica2 wrote..I am no longer in contact with my son and I hurt.

I think there comes a time when we have to accept that some things are not going to work.

And I also think we need to learn how to forgive ourselves..

Life happens and we make choices.. Sometimes we think they are the wrong choice but maybe they aren't.. Maybe all this stuff is supposed to happen.. Each of us get life lessons..
I think mine was a stinker.. but hey..

My bson and I drift out of conversation.. He stopped contacting for a year once.. But I told him that I was just fine and I was very happy he was okay.. and I was here and any time he wanted to contact he knows how..

And he did contact.. But it was an amazing feeling when I let it all go.. I just said to me.. He's okay and I can live a life..
I can get on with it..

But I know what you are saying.. Boy oh boy do I know..

Jackie

[Veronica2]

Thank you both for your support. I am involved in a group called Forget Me Not, for the triad. I have been helped there.

My Ason, has not contacted me since 1999. I don't know how to contact him.

My son and daughter who I brought up after I left their father does not want contact with me. So I've left them all alone. I went on with my life and made a good one.

For me I don't believe that the loss I feel will ever heal, although I don't walk around sad. I walk around happy in the life I've built. I have written my story and maybe someday it will be published.

The end of the relationship with my son was sad. I do hope that one day he will have a child and will want his bgrandma to know about the birth.

[vicrose]

Wow, I can't believe that your other son and daughter have also not wanted any contact either. Are your son and daughter in contact with your son that was adopted? That just seems so weird.Although, I can say from experience..there was a time in my life ..in my early 20's when I wanted nothing at all to do with my adoptive parents..and wouldn't speak to them for close to a year..it broke they're hearts I'm sure..but it was over something very stupid. I am happy to hear that you are a part of a group that can help you....because we all need someone to talk to. Support is the key in situations such as this!! I'm here for you if you ever need to chat!! Hugs, Brenda

[Veronica2]

Hi there and thank you.

My daughter asked me to make a choice her or my son. I said "I've hurt that child enough by giving him up. I can't do it again.

So she and I spoke once in 2.5 years. She is still very angry. I saw my other son two weeks ago. I asked him if we could talk, he said no.

So I've left the door open for all of them. If they ever want to deal with their own pain I hope they find a group like I did.

Forget Me Not Society. Thank God for them.

[Veronica2]

Ya Nancy. Since I've been working with Forget Me Not Society, I have found much helpful information.

The problems didn't start when I had a child out of wedlock. The problems started when I was born to a mother who didn't want me.

I've been recovering from that first abandonment for the past twenty years.

So when a child is not wanted, they will do anything to find love. I know I did. One of the things I did was attract a man who was unable to love me, but pretended he did to get his needs met. I'll never forget his marriage proposal. I want you to marry me and have my children. He said to me. Then when I got pregnant, he suggested I have an abortion.

I just couldn't. Today those children I wouldn't abort are not speaking to me.

I've grieved my loss and went on as I said before. Thank God for supportive people.

Thanks for your input

Veronica