[katamy]

I'm just curious how rare or normal my situation is...My birthdaughter is 22 we have been reunited for 4 years, last year she asked me to find her birthdad, and ask him for pictures.
I managed to find him, he was thrilled to hear from me, and that I had found our daughter. See our relationship back then was tabu...I was 15, he was 24...I know what your thinking...but it really wasn't like that. I was very mature for my age, never really felt like I belonged with my teenage peers. He was probably immature for his age...I never felt belittled or used by him, I know he cared about me, we wanted to marry.

But my parents felt the same as most people. That he was way to old for me, and when they found out I was pregnant, they threatened him with jail if he didn't sign the relinquishment papers, and they put a restraining order on him to stay away from me. I didn't know any of that, all i knew at the time was that I loved him, and when i told him I was pregnant he asked me to marry him, then I never heard from him again...nor did I ever see him, well I take that back...he did show up at my door the day I got home from the adoption agency after signing the papers...someone had told him that I had delivered a little girl. My parents allowed us to talk for 5 minutes on the porch...but he didn't say much, he cried a lot and said he was sorry and wanted to know if I was ok, that he loved me, then my parents made him leave....

jump ahead to the present...all this time I have wondered about him...I knew he really cared for me and our baby, but I couldn't understand why he had abandoned us...so when my daughter asked me to find him i had my reservations.

He told me the whole story, all the stuff that parents hadn't (I have since verified his side of the story with my parents) how he was threatened with 10 years in jail and ordered to have no contact with me at all. he said that he had never stopped loveing me. and had often thought of how my life had turned out. He also said that every christmas he donated money to our daughters adoption agency as away of showing his love for her.
We agreed to meet for a drink (both single) and when we did, it was wonderful I"m now 38 and he just turned 48. We have been dating for a year now. I have never been happier in all my life, we feel as though our whole lives together and our family was stolen from us. it is so wierd, but in a good way.

My daughter isn't ready to meet her birthdad yet. But she has told me repeatedly how cool she thinks it would be for her bparents to get married after all these years...she is getting married in march and is inviting the bdad and myself to the wedding....

have any of you had a reunion with the bdad, what about you birthdads out there...have you ever thought of the bmom?

just curious,

kathy

[sspete]

That is a GREAT story!!!!Sounds Like More Than One Congratulations Is In Order!!!!! I hope all works out for the best!!!! Blessings to ALL of YOU!!!!

S Pete

[Decision]

I think that is absolutely glorious for you, congradulations.
My story is slightly different than yours my sons father was five years older than me. I could not bring myself to tell him about the pregancy until it was to late. We went our seperate ways because of a family move, After I lost my son we kept in contact, we nearly got back together three times, fate just wasnt with us. Just before finding my son I found him again, this time both of us were married to different people, so oviously no sparks flew in the relationship departement...but the sparks still flew.My husband is extreamly understanding in that he knows I will always hold a paticular love for the father of my son. My sons fathers wife however is extreamly insecure and would not allow us to stay in contact, But I did get what I needed, his information so when my son does want to know were he is he has it and does not have to look.
Good for you though if I we were single when we meet again we most certainly would have started another relationship
Hugs
Melissa

[agena]

I can relate to your situation. I gave up my son 2 yrs ago and 3 months after that I ran into the birth father. We began to date for a year and now we've been married for 9 months. He wants our son back, but I don't know if there is anything I can do. He never signed his rights away. What do you think?

Originally posted by katamy
I'm just curious how rare or normal my situation is...My birthdaughter is 22 we have been reunited for 4 years, last year she asked me to find her birthdad, and ask him for pictures.
I managed to find him, he was thrilled to hear from me, and that I had found our daughter. See our relationship back then was tabu...I was 15, he was 24...I know what your thinking...but it really wasn't like that. I was very mature for my age, never really felt like I belonged with my teenage peers. He was probably immature for his age...I never felt belittled or used by him, I know he cared about me, we wanted to marry.

But my parents felt the same as most people. That he was way to old for me, and when they found out I was pregnant, they threatened him with jail if he didn't sign the relinquishment papers, and they put a restraining order on him to stay away from me. I didn't know any of that, all i knew at the time was that I loved him, and when i told him I was pregnant he asked me to marry him, then I never heard from him again...nor did I ever see him, well I take that back...he did show up at my door the day I got home from the adoption agency after signing the papers...someone had told him that I had delivered a little girl. My parents allowed us to talk for 5 minutes on the porch...but he didn't say much, he cried a lot and said he was sorry and wanted to know if I was ok, that he loved me, then my parents made him leave....

jump ahead to the present...all this time I have wondered about him...I knew he really cared for me and our baby, but I couldn't understand why he had abandoned us...so when my daughter asked me to find him i had my reservations.

He told me the whole story, all the stuff that parents hadn't (I have since verified his side of the story with my parents) how he was threatened with 10 years in jail and ordered to have no contact with me at all. he said that he had never stopped loveing me. and had often thought of how my life had turned out. He also said that every christmas he donated money to our daughters adoption agency as away of showing his love for her.
We agreed to meet for a drink (both single) and when we did, it was wonderful I"m now 38 and he just turned 48. We have been dating for a year now. I have never been happier in all my life, we feel as though our whole lives together and our family was stolen from us. it is so wierd, but in a good way.

My daughter isn't ready to meet her birthdad yet. But she has told me repeatedly how cool she thinks it would be for her bparents to get married after all these years...she is getting married in march and is inviting the bdad and myself to the wedding....

have any of you had a reunion with the bdad, what about you birthdads out there...have you ever thought of the bmom?

just curious,

kathy

[mckenna]

i am sorry but you are not thinking about your son who has bonded to the aparents you placed him with 2 years ago. why would you attempt to remove him from the only family he has known? how did the adoption go through without paternal consent. was there an add in a newspaper, how were the rights terminated?

[Richard Justin]

I think your situation is uniquely wonderful and wonderfully unique! As part of my preparation for searching for my son, I first found the bmom. She was very gracious in meeting with me and giving me some information to help me in my search. For several days afterward, I thought I was in love with her again, but in fact what I was experiencing was a prolonged flashback to the love we had known thirty-two years earlier. The feeling faded rather quickly, especially because I was happily married. Unfortunately, I had shared those brief feelings with some one who told her, which of course made her very uncomfortable. She requested no more contact, which was fine with me except that it left her with the wrong impression for a couple years. The good news is that I did go on to find my son, and the bmom did elect to work with the same intermediary and is also in reunion. "Separate but equal" is how our story has worked out.

The "romantic" in me likes your story, though.

Rich

[Sharon]

Agena,
I agree with McKenna that it is important to consider the emotional well-being of your child when considering whether or not to attempt to overturn an adoption. Your child has had years to bond with his aparents, and removing him from their care at this point would cause him emotional trauma.
However, if in fact things were not on the up-and-up, if your husband's parental rights were not terminated, if you are positive he is the baby's father and can prove this with a DNA test, then yes... he is well within his rights to go to court and attempt to reclaim his child.
I am not advocating one course of action or the other, but the fact is that adoptions HAVE been legally overturned and the child returned to the birthparents, even YEARS after the fact, for this exact reason.
I am also curious... how DID the adoption go through without the birthfather's rights being terminated?
~ Sharon