[jdb003]

Well here it is again that time of year I am less than a week away from his third birthday, which by the way is my birthday as well. I have a very supportive husband and family. It is just that they really are not able to really know what I am feeling. I am sad. As time passes it seems to get better but yet it doesn't. I try to stay positive, but some days it is just so hard. I can't help but think as each year passes well I missed everything. I wonder what new and wonderful things he is discovering in his life which I am not a part of. It hurts.

I know the pain does not go away, most of the time I am able to walk hand and with it in my daily life. Why oh why does it all have to come back year after year. For the past two years I wake up on my birthday and I am right back to the day he was born. Every emotion I was feeling that day comes back full force, right down to the labor pains. I don't want to keep reliving this. I know I will never feel whole again because a part of me is missing. But how can you have two totally different emotions, it is so confusing.

Yes, I understand. I feel the same way. My son's 13th birthday is coming up. I feel exactly as you do. The years have not lessened the sadness. I'm sorry that you hurt, and I wish I had some advice to give. The one thing that has helped me in all these years is hearing from others who are in the same situation; I'm so glad I found this forum. It's a great resource and a great comfort because it helps me believe that I'm not alone. Good luck to you, -ivy

[crayons]

I'm so sorry you are going through so much pain, I do understand, we all do. Every year on the day of my daughter's birthday I put one candle on a birthday cake for her, made a wish and wished her a happy birthday but the rest of that day I tried to keep as busy as possible but I stayed on the internet looking everywhere and posting Happy Birthday, I really recommed just keeping as busy as possible. My daughter turned 30 this January and I still haven't met her again, I can't tell you the pain will go away but I will say, please don't let it consum you, I have done this and I'm am trying to live deal with the depression still. I will be thinking about you and If you ever need to talk send me a e-mail, just please do talk to people you are close to and let them help you get through it each time. bY way, Emm is a great one to talk to in here. God bless you and I sure do wish you to be happy. Take care, best wishes brandy

[sspete]

I am so sorry you feel this pain, I am all to familiar with it myself. You do feel like a part of you is missing, after all it is!! Our children are our hearts walking around outside of our bodies. I know his birthday is hard. My bdaughters amom told me the other day her and her husband used to pray for me on her birthday. This was really cool to me. I wish I could take your pain away, but please know you are not alone. Please try to think of positive things about him on this special day and take care of yourself! You are in my prayers! spete

[Andersen]

We don't feel sorry for you, we just feel for you. We as bmoms know what you are going through. Our relinquished child's birthday is a day of sadness for us. I usually, and not on purpose, relive the day my son was born. It is as if it were yesterday. There are days when I wish I could turn back the clock. Hold him longer, kiss him more and maybe even take him home but then I remember that it's his birthday and I pray he is having a wonderful day.