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Originally Posted By Leah

This one's open to anyone who wants to answer. I am getting really lonely not only for my daughter but also for a boyfriend. All of the guys I used to like, I'm scared to tell them just in case they say I'm too clingy. Ever since I had my daughter I have been really huggy and have liked for people to pay alot of attention to me. I have lost quite a few friends because all of my old friends were just fairweather friends. They disappeared every time I needed them. It didn't really matter to me until after Autumn was born because I didn't really have anything to be stressed out about. Now that I've had her, a guy who told me he has loved me since the last time we went out 5 and a half years ago has decided not to return my calls and when I do get a hold of him and he agrees to get together with me, he brings a friend who I don't really know that well so I won't talk about anything serious around him. My best friend wgho kept her baby is now telling all of my ohter friends that I made the wrong decision. I know I made the right decision but my friends are starting to wonder because they are all quite impressionable. What I'm wondering is not how to keep the friends I'm losing but where teenage birthmoms and true friends hang out. I have been searching without any luck. The way I look at it, I shouldn't have to work at a good relationship with a boyfriend and I shouldn't push what wasn't meant to be. I don't hunt for boyfriends. I kind of go smack right into them. The only problem is I can't smack into the right person if they're on a different planet. What planet are they on and how do I find them? Any opinions welcome even if you think I'm wrong.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Brenda

Losing friends because of placing a child for adoption is very common. Most birthparents experience it. It feels like a double whammy, just when we have lost what is most precious to us, and we are grieving deeply, we also lose those who should be loving us and supporting us.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that does not understand the losses associated with adoption and a society were people do not know how to respond to people in pain. I think that may be the reason the guy that likes you so much brings someone else along....he's most likely afraid of having you talk about your loss. Guys especially want to be able "to make it better" by doing something. Unfortunately most guys do not think just listening and being there is doing something.
Have you looked into a support group in your area? I have a book of the support groups in the US. I found it to be extremely helpful the first couple of years.These are people who truly understand and have been where you are now. If you are interested you can e-mail me privately at brenr@r2press.com.
As far as relationships with men....all I have to say is that they are a lot of work....but they are definately worth it. No, you can not make someone love you, but sometimes understanding each other takes work.